This is a sad story; but it doesn't need to be. I have the same problem that you have - a depressed wife. I have heard all of the worthless advice that you've been given here: be patient, be understanding, be calm and loving, don't take anything personally, and so on. I would like to tell you that this is all nonsense. You do NOT need to be anything. You need NOT act in any particular way. Remember, your partner entered into a 50-50 relationship willingly. As such, she needs to meet her commitments to you: financial, emotional, sexual, etc. Don't be afraid to express your anger with her behaviour if it angers you. Don't be afraid to demand that she keep her commitments Don't be afraid to express yourself in the ways you need to. If you don't you will only become an enabler. You will enable her to act in ways that you cannot tolerate and which are harming your relationship. Sometimes tough love is the only love that works. Best of luck friend.