Monday, October 18, 2010 Dorian asks

Q: I have a question about unexplained anger and frustration.

My question is, how do you go about understanding what makes you so angry inside? Usually when I'm alone, everything seems fine, and I'm not aware of how I feel, but once I am around someone, I then realize that I feel angry inside. It's as if what ever is going on, holds me back from showing emotion, from smiling, showing compassion, expressing how I feel, and even expressing love. On the flip side, I can be the most loving, giving, caring, most genuine, and most approachable guy in the world. It's as if something is consuming the good in me half of the time. I would hate to see everyone deprive themselves of me because of this. Besides my dad choosing not to be a part of my life, I really have no reason to be angry or upset. I have people around me that love me to death, but can't stand who I become sometimes. I can be very ugly on the inside at times. I want to come to a point to where I can be happy majority of the time, not only for a few hrs or so. It is so draining and stressful. What do you think this is, or what can be done about it?* -Dorian

A lot of people feel that I mask this emotion inside by acting very prideful, and walking as if I have a chip on my shoulder. This mood that I frequently undergo, is linked to a lot of things! I really need help.

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Answers (1)

Merely Me, Health Guide

10/19/10 4:06pm

Hello Dorian

This is a very difficult question to answer because we only know what you have described in this one paragraph. Emotions can be tricky things...sometimes we are not sure why we feel the way we feel and sometimes we are unable to even identify the emotion. I think it is a very good first step that you recognize that there is a problem and you wish to change.

From what you are telling us...it seems that you feel okay when alone but then you feel angry when others are around? Is this feeling related to any particular person or set of circumstances?

One thing you could do is to chart your mood and write down what conditions are present when you are feeling angry and also what happens after. Is there anything which helps you to feel better?

Can we ask how old you are? Sometimes during the teen and young adult years it is hard to control emotions or know what to do with them. Do you have any supports to talk to about this? Friends? Family? A counselor or therapist?

Let us know more and we can try to steer you towards some resources for getting some help.

Thank you for sharing here. We would love to hear more from you.

Dorian

10/19/10 6:17pm

Thank you for your response! I am in a relationship, and I have most of my issues with him, since I am around him the most. It happens when I'm around everyone at some point, though. It happens periodically. It doesn't just happen right then and there. It seems that I am having an issue with trying to control these emotions that exemplify a hateful person, when in reality, I'm not. Sometimes I can deal with the emotions, and turn them into good emotions, but other times, it is the hardest thing that I have ever done! Sometimes even tyring to change it, makes it worse. When people start to ask me what's wrong, I then get even more irritated. It may be the way the certain people ask me, what's wrong. If it's said in a certain tone, it triggers something inside of me that makes me irritated and angry on the inside. I'm still trying to find ways of making me feel better. I seem to fix the issue, but then I relapse as if it's a drug. It's not consistent. I don't know how to be consistent when it comes to this. I am 22 by the way. I have been dealing with this issue all of my life, but I am just now tapping into it. Growing up, I was aware of the feeling, but I didn't know what it was, or why it was. I was too young to understand. Now, I'm dealing with it, in abundance. I don't have a counselor or therapist either. Pretty pricey. That's why I've been doing some research.

I feel that this feeling on the inside, is linked to a lot of problems that I have in my life.

Merely Me, Health Guide

10/19/10 7:41pm

Hello again Dorian

There is nobody here who is a doctor or therapist but we are all people who have dealt with depression so...we can offer that kind of support. I began my own therapy in my early twenties...it is such a volatile time. I see you are dealing with a relationship...maybe school? Career choices? Identity? Perhaps things from your past? And if you feel that depression may be at the root of some of these emotions...you could just be vulnerable to stress and your biology. Sometimes there is no one reason why these emotions erupt.

As you are researching getting help...I have written an article for people who don't have much money or insurance to get the resources to see a therapist or counselor. You may have to make lots of phone calls...some things may not work out but it certainly is worth a try.

There is also NAMI to look into...they have a help line. And there are such things as "warm lines" where you can talk to someone. I will gladly list these other resources if you would like that.

I think that seeing a therapist or counselor could help you. In the meantime...please feel free to keep writing here. I am sure there are lots of members who can relate to what you may be going through.

I am wondering too...can you discuss your feelings with your partner? Or is he some of the trigger for you?

Keep writing...we are listening.

Dorian

10/19/10 8:24pm

This makes a lot of sense! This emotions comes from nowhere. I'm happy, then instantly, I get this urge to suddenly feel angry and irritable, in addition to feeling really mean and hateful. It's a constant battle. My mom suffers from it as well, but she's content with who she is. I'm not content with this, because it can drive a lot of people away. The people around me, especiallyt he person that I am in a relationship with, feels that they are deserving of that, even though I try so hard to refrain from these emotions. I attempt to open up to my partner, but it's as if something holds me captive of doing so at times, or I'd get annoyed when someone tried to talk to me. I haven't always been the type to express myself or even talk about myself. I'm always the one that concerned with everyone else, before I worry about myself. That's the kind of person that I am. He really wants me to open up. I allow this to control me, versus controlling it. Feels so powerful once I am overcome by this emotion. I can talk about things when I am happy, but when I'm down, I usually don't want to talk or open up about anything. I really need to take charge of my life. I have partial control over it.

Q: I have a question about unexplained anger and frustration.

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