Hi Jan

We get this question a lot on My Depression Connection.  I wish I had a definitive answer about this but honestly so many factors are involved with something like this.  Certainly depression can make one feel a great overall dissatisfaction with life and perhaps to look for ways to fill the void.  But there can be other reasons too as in long term issues within your relationship.

I am afraid the only person who can answer this is your husband and even then he may not fully understand his motivation.  Is he seeking the help of a therapist? 

Remember that you can't change someone else...you can only change yourself and how you react and respond.  What boundaries do you have?  Now is the time for open and active communication or maybe even the help from a couples therapist. 

Please look after you and decide what you want within the relationship.

Thank you for your question.

JanMO

11/11/09 9:19am

Thanks for your response, I want to go to couples therapy - but from what others tell me he needs to help himself before I can even go there. So do I  try and push him to couples therapy because this could help push out the other woman?

Judy

11/11/09 9:29am

Hi, I don't think you have to wait to go to couples therapy - it will flush things out and perhaps he'll get a referral to a therapist of his own, or the couples therapist might help him, depending on how you feel about that.  My husband wouldn't have done ANYTHING without having gone to the couples therapist and it made him see that I wasn't the only one with a problem.  I would highly recommend it!