I have depression from the loss of my son.

Please make an appointment at a local mental health clinic if there is one in your area, and you don't have insurance. They often operate on a sliding scale, and you may not have to pay for visits at all if you are in dire financial straits. You need to be evaluated for depression and I would guess that therapy would be a huge help, and medication if necessary.

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother just over a year ago, so I know how it is to lose someone so close to you, though of course it is worse to lose a child. I recommend you book an appointment with a psychiatrist. Your first session will be as long as you feel you need so that they can understand everything you are feeling. Do not worry about being "psychoanalysed"; psychiatrists are sympathetic, helpful people who will understand what is happening in your mind and in your life. Suicide is not the way out. I can promise you this. My best friend killed herself this year, and all it achieved was pain to everyone who loved her. Remember, your husband loves you, and you two need to stick together through the difficult times like this. Grief is a funny thing, everyone copes in their own ways. Your husband seems to be in denial of your problems, which is a common stage of both grief and anxiety. Try talking to him, he will listen. If not, try seeing a professional. I hope this helps. God bless.. xxx