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Monday, November 01, 2010 jjg61 asks

Q: Hello. I am very worried about my sixteen year old son. I have just read some of his poetry which mentions suicide - he seems down and has no motivation can you give me advice please. Thank you.

My son refuses to study,play sport and is always saying that everything is pointless. He has friends so he is not isolating himself but I don't know how to motivate him to do anything -he seems to be getting worse.
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Answers (3)
11/ 1/10 11:41pm

Hi, there.  I've gone through this with both of my sons and I would urge you to get a psychological evaluation done for your son.  When I took my older boy in to see a psychologist for the first time, they thought he was ill enough, just about, to be hospitalized.  He may not want to go, but do it while he's still a minor and you still have a say in what happens to him.  Once he's 18, you can't make him do anything.

 

Will he talk to you at all about the things that are on his mind?  The suicide he writes about....do you know where that's coming from?  It's possible that he knows of someone or has heard of someone who has killed him/herself and is wondering what that would be like, without considering it as a solution for himself.  But you don't know that for sure and I think it would put your mind at rest if you just had him evaluated.  If you need help finding some resources, please let us know and we can steer you in the right direction.  I wish you all the best, I know how worrisome this must be.

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11/ 4/10 9:58pm

This sounds exactly like what I used to do. I would write out my feelings in peotry and they had to do with suicide. I am 20 years old. I have started feeling this way when I was just starting out being a teenager. I know exactly how he is feeling. I don't think there is a way to motivate him if he doesn't want to study or play sports. I'm not a professional, but I think you should talk to him about talking to someone professional. I wish my mom would have done that for me when I was younger, then maybe I wouldn't be feeling the way I am feeling today. Do something before its too late.

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11/ 7/10 4:40am

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry you too have suffered - and are apparently still suffering. I have taken my son to a psychologist but didn't seem to make much difference. I talk to him all the time and I do see a ray of hope now and again- he has just had a school report which shows he is making an effort in some areas-he says I have nothing to worry about concerning his poetry -he doesn't seem depressed although I have noticed he relies on his friends for his wellbeing as if he were nothing without them. I try to give him the message that who he is does not depend on what others think of him. I think I must find a way for him to make his own decisions, not be told what to do (controlled) by adults, so that he can feel responsible for what he does from day to day.

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11/ 7/10 10:17am

Well I think he might be just trying to figure out who he is, since hes only sixteen. Just give him some time to figure that out maybe. Responsibility is a good thing to have at a young age. So when hes older he'll already know what to do. I wish my parents would have give me the chance to do things on my own and to get a job or something when I was younger. But that never happened. Now I don't know what to do with myself, I don't have a job or anything. So its really hard. Well thats all the advice I have, since I've been through something similar to this before.

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11/ 7/10 11:31am

I think you're right, he is trying to figure out who he is and we must  be patient and give him support. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Have you been through college? Is there something you like doing that you could do as a job? You are still young so it's not too late.

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11/ 7/10 11:34am

No I haven't been to college because I just don't have the money to. I would like to train to become a Medical Transcriptionist, but I don't have the money right now.

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11/ 7/10 3:19pm

Money is always a problem. Do you really need much to become a Medical Transcriptionist? Couldn't you get a temporary job and save up and go on from there? It sounds like you are enthusiatic about something so why not go for it even if it's difficult to begin with.

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11/ 7/10 3:25pm

Well I don't need to be right now. I'm trying to get a temporary job to save up, but I can't find a job where I live. I live in such a small town and noone is hiring. I've tried applying to every place that I can think of and I got one interview, but she was looking for someone with experience that I don't have.

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11/ 7/10 3:58pm

It sounds as though you have thought of all your options but you mustn't give up. What about looking further afield and then see if travelling or moving are possible. Just keep trying and don't give up hope.

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11/ 8/10 12:01pm

I'm not giving up. I hope something comes up very soon for me. That would make my life so much easier. I am moving in with my boyfriend, and I might have a job where he lives, but we will just have to see. Thank you very much.

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12/ 8/10 4:44pm

I do understand your son's feelings.  I think it would be good for him to find some type of hobby that would interest him; music, writing a cartoon magazine, writing skits for commercials.  It appears that writing is an interest of his.  For some people, when it is gloomy outside seasonal depression sets in.  I am just trying to point out a few things to think about.  Also, praying together if you are believers in God.  Thanks, Robbi

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By jjg61— Last Modified: 12/27/10, First Published: 11/01/10