When I was young my father emotionally abused me and a couple times punched and kicked me. I had a rebellion with my father and married my High School girlfriend at 19 as a sophomore in College. She then began to put me down and everything that I did. She made me feel useless and unappreciated. We had a child and I was not ready for him at all. Her girlfriends told me she intentionally got pregnant after we started fighting and I wanted to leave. We got divorced 3.5 years ago and she has basically stolen my child and I can't get ahold of her and don't know where she or my son is. I am with a lawyer trying to regain custody...but this is a whole other issue. I was in a serious relationship about a year and a half ago with a great woman and even talked about getting married. I messed that relationship up by getting really drunk while on a group camping trip and humiliated myself and her. It was really stupid of me. I still love her but we haven't even talked in almost a year. I have suffered from depression since my marriage and I think a snowball effect has happened since then. I am on medication and it helps but I have noticed one thing...

The issue that I am trying to build up to is that within the past 6 months I have tried to start dating again and I just came to a conclusion. I only want to date on a friendly level and not get serious. I have had a couple women start to fall for me within the past six months and I noticed that when they start getting attached to me, my depression triggers and I get really down. It's hard because I want to be loved but at the same time any close relationship, whether its a girlfriend or just a close group of buddies, freaks me out and makes me depressed... Is this because I fear love? Is this odd? How do I fix the problem? Please give me some advice. Thank you