I am suffering from major depression and post tramatic stress disorder. I have been hospitalized 4 time since march and they have put me on anti depressesants and they even did elctroconvusant therapy (ect) which that treatment really did nothing for me except add to the crisis because of memory loss. I suffered tremendously for 5 days last week from anxiety which was unbearable and all the Dr. and nurse said that I had to deal with it so my chemicals in my brain would start to work right. On day six I was physically ill from the anxiety and new when I got home I was going to end my life. I talked to the nurse one more time and she said she was sorry how things have ended for me. I finally got a hold of the Dr. who told me what to take to help and I emotionally fell apart at work from relief for somebody helping me. I know longer have feelings for anything no joy, hope, sad, happy. I only feel comfort from my husband and he is the only thing keeping me going right now. But it is barely. I have had some bad experiences in life like others and now I have medical problems that are not serious but embarrasing and they do nothing for my self esteem. The meds I am on have done nothing and to date I am more depressed than I was in March.

Thank you for reading and responding because I am looking for support anywhere I can get to keep that thin string I am hanging onto from breaking

Hi Robin,

I've already told you a little of my experience...I like you had PTSD and Depression. I was feeling suicidal at the time.My doc and therapist wanted to put me on antidepressants...I said no...I had tried St Johns Wort and that heightened my anxiety and irratic behaviour (and therefore my risk of suicide) so much that I stopped it...I therefore said I didn't think antidepressants were the answer...in fact I thought the opposite...that a mild tranquillizer at bedtime would be best...I asked for a small prescription of the smallest dose - not enough that I could harm myself with... In the end I found a locum doc who took me seriously and did as I requested...2 months later I was the best I'd been in years. Why? Because the tranquillizer calmed my anxiety down enough from sheer panic where I thought I was not safe to relatively calm thinking. It then allowed me to realise that the reason I was panicked was because there was something happening in my life at the time that I did not safe about. My PTSD had been triggered by me entering and being in a situation in which I did not feel safe. That was a revelation to me. Because I was now calmer I was able to plan my way out of the situation and through this problem solving I was able to live a more content existence...the PTSD had been calmed....there was now no need for it to be retriggered as I was now protecting myself. I then set about analysing why I had got into the situation I had and what had kept me within it...so that I could learn for the future. I started to do new things, go to new places, meet new people, do new activities to regain my self esteem and self confidence. I don't need any medication now and when any anxiety starts to be sensed I analyse why it's there, what is it I am doing that is presenting a perceived danger to me and problem solve it so that I do not need to feel anxious anymore. This does not necessarily mean avoidance of a situation...sometimes it means I need to challenge the actions of others in order to resolve a situation.

Best of luck!

Hypno

Hi, Robin.  I'm sorry you've had such a rough time and that it's taking so long to find what works for you.  I have PTSD, as well, and one thing I've learned is that it takes a lot of patience to heal.  You are fortunate that your husband is supportive.  Are you seeing a therapist?  If you're not, it's really important that you find one because that is the best help for PTSD and for depression, as well.  Medication helps manage the worst symptoms, but therapy is what gets to the bottom of it.  It's probably normal right now that you are feeling rather numb and sometimes medication can contribute to that.  It's important to see your doctor regularly and make sure that what you're doing is working.

There are a lot of people on this site who have gone through what you're going through, so you will find people here who understand.  It's not the same, though, as talking to a real, live person so be sure you connect with a mental health professional, if you haven't already.  Let us know how you're doing, okay?

I am seeing a therapist and as of yesterday have entered the hospital for the 5th time since March. Tomorrow the team of doctors will be in to let me know the next round of treatment they will try and I pray that I see some kind of improvement. Most importantly I don't want to feel that anxiety for so many days in a row with no relief. It is to much suffering. Thanks for your replies and your support

Hi

Hope all goes well for you.

Thought I'd share with you my experience. I used to find these sort of questions helpful.

What do I think would help alleviate the anxiety?

What is the reason for the anxiety to be in my life at the moment?

If there was ONE, SMALL thing that I could do in my life at the moment to acknowledge the feeling of anxiety, to thank it for letting me know I need to change something in my life. what would it be? 

I found that by not fighting the anxiety and actually acknowledging it, and thanking it, it would calm down rather than increase in severity. It was when I was fighting it or trying to ignore it that it became a bigger problem.

I'd sense where in my body the energy of the anxiety was and gently massage the area in the opposite direction to the direction of the sensation and then massage other areas - say on my arms, hands, neck, shoulders for example - while asking myself what I needed to change in my life.

Basically I had to pay attention to the anxiety, the reason why I was feeling anxious NOW (not in the past...but now!) what was concerning or worrying me, what was it I needed to stop doing and change in my life. My therapist gave me one piece of advice that stuck with me through thick and thin...the thought of suicide is NOT a call to end your life....it is a call to ask you to stop what you are doing right now and examine what changes you need to make in your life so that you can begin to live your life with contentment.

It made sense to me. She encouraged me to start to do new things. Things I had never done before so that I built up a renewed image of myself. I started doing little things at first like changing the route I took home from the shops...going into different shops...striking up a conversation with strangers (brief!)...taking some photographs....listening to some music of different genre...and of course writing a journal so I could see my own progress or relapses and do something about them. It was amazing how when I felt so low I could look back over my journal for a few weeks and see the pattern of being able to recover and then would relapse due to a new stressor...then I'd problem solve it and feel better until the next stressor arrived. All this was fine because as each newly identified stressor was uncovered and dealt with by problem solving it my relapses became less and less frequent. Now I can recognise the very start of my anxiety and do something immediately to problem solve it so that it does not escalate.I regard it as a signal that I need to learn something new about myself or the situations I am experienceing at the moment.

As an aside...another little experiment I tried was to decide to start doing things that I would do if I wasn't anxious...and guess what...it worked...it turns out my anxiety phases had become a bad habit that really didn't need to be there anymore!

Anyway do let us know how you get on...be patient with yourself...give yourself the time to stand still and wait for the opportunity to present itself for you to move forward positively.Take this opportunity to give yourself good care and attention.

Kindest Regards

Hypno