Hi -

Your determination to get through on your own is great, but your symptoms and constantly thinking about hurting yourself are serious business. I've had severe reactions to getting off medication, whether going to another one or not, and it's usually because the doctor has had me to do it too fast - and the reactions don't always follow what the drug companies say. Slow phase-out is always the best way to go so that your body can adjust gradually. Are you talking with your doctor about stopping medication? If he/she is someone you don't trust, I'd certainly find another one right away. There are doctors, including psychiatrists, whose practice embraces both conventional and holistic approaches. There are also centers devoted to this approach, and you can search for those online. It sounds like professional support of some kind is really important when your symptoms of depression are so strong. Whether they're the result of withdrawal or a return of the underlying condition is a question to discuss with a good practitioner.

I can understand wanting to get rid of medications in favor of a holistic approach, but stopping meds without first having a new treatment plan to get into puts a huge burden on you. You may feel like you have to do it on your own, but that can be dangerous.

Given what you're going through, I hope you can get immediate help of some kind.

My very best to you, and please come back and check around this site for further information.

John