Really stressed about the "stess test". I am in poor condition phsically in addition to a variety of other challenges. Is there anything I can do to help myself feel like I will survive? I realize life is temporary. Having wished to die many times..could this be a self fullfilling prophecy. (March 1 is the date for this).
Namaste..Lotus Lady
Hi, lotus lady -
I'm sorry that you're having these problems - risk of stroke and heart attack is indeed distressing news to hear. One of the facts about depression - especially if it's a recurrent and long-lasting condition - is that it undermines physical health in many ways. The link between depression and heart disease has been established in a number of studies. You haven't mentioned the particular problem your cardiologist has identified, but stress contributes to high blood pressure as well as depression. It's important to develop regular ways of dealing with stress. One of those is meditation - and you might look at a book called Mindful Ways through Depression for an excellent introduction. The authors are all distinguished psychologists who have specialized in combining meditation with other forms of therapy. Walking - at whatever pace or distance you can manage - is also a great stress reducer that helps with blood pressure also.
It sounds like the problems you have may feel overwhelming - especially if you've wished to die many times. That suggests hopelessness - perhaps it's part of depression. One way I've dealt with stress and that sense of being overwhelmed is to list out all the things that are worrying me and try to take them one at a time. It's important to be specific about each one and avoid self-judgment - just focus on the factual situation and what steps you might take to change or resolve the problem. Looking at things one at a time keeps everything from feeling like a flood that's drowning you - and that helps calm things down.
I've had stress tests, and, let's face it, they're not pleasant - but you tell the staff when you've gone as far as you can - and they'll probably stop you even before then. It's designed to give you and your doctor important information - that's the context I try to put it in. And do remember that the power of expectation on your actual experience is huge. That's one of the starting points of cognitive therapy. Expecting the worst can bring it on, and that's why that form of therapy tries to get you to condition your thinking to be more realistic - and get away from the assumption that things will go well for you.
I hope there's something useful in all this. Thinking beyond the test itself, I wish you well in dealing with your health problems.
John
Hi -
I'm embarrassed to have to make a correction in what I wrote before. Leaving out that little word "not" can sure be confusing! What I meant to write was "get away from the assumption that things will NOT go well for you." Thinking more realistically means dropping assumptions that bad things always happen to you - or any thought or expectation of the always, never, forever variety that keeps you from looking at the specific conditions and causes of each event. Like most of us with multiple problems and depression, you have a formidable list and it's nice to know that you can smile about it.
How to change "me and my attitude"? I've done a dozen different things - psychotherapy, cognitive therapy and meditation are probably the ones that help most. Although I took antidepressants for many years, they never really did anything positive. About two years ago I started taking a different type of med and that gave me the energy I needed to get my mind into a different frame. Depression dropped far into the background, and it's no longer a dominating force.
I've written a lot about this on my blog at www.storiedmind.com - far more than anyone can read. But there is a sidebar guide to some of the most important posts, and that's a place to start, if you're interested.
A good book on cognitive therapy is Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. It sets out the basic principles nicely and also has a lot of background on how he developed his ideas. He's not quite the center of the psychology universe, as he thinks he is, but there's much to learn from in this book.
My best to you -
John
Dear John...
Wow...I was wishing that it was a typo! Now I am smiling for sure. You can imagine (I am sure)...how I perceived those words. Also thank you for your blog.
Most folks do not realize how I feel. Maybe since challenges with fm and cad, haave flared up intensely, some might have an inkling ...(if they cared). This is one reason this site has served me well. If I dared, I would throw every med I take out the window along with the doctors. I think the side effects of meds contribute greatly to one's health and not always in a positive way. I admit I am not that brave!
When I was married w/5 children and a large house I took diet pills..They gave me plenty of energy to maintain the "50s status quo." I do not rememeber feeling depressed. I jumped into yoga and became certified in 1968 in Massachusetts. (1968-1991). Jeffrey died in 1985. . I did not take died pills while teaching or doing yoga nor any meds..By the 90s..my blood pressure (which was always low)..was creeping up.
For me energy is the key as well...along with body mind and spirit. Ah..you know the old saying "the spirit is willing..but the flesh is weak."
Namaste......Lotus Lady
wow, intence! Funny you should say that about the fullfilling prophecy. I went through something very simmular! Spent my life living much depession stemming back from my abusive childhood. very belittled, mentaly and physicaly abused etc. many times I felt like my dad and sister would be happy if I was dead. many times after that in my adulthood I got right back in that state of mind and just wanted to end it all. Three years ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I was torn between being glad to have finally found a reason for all of the crazy things going on in my body and mind and a sudden WHAT THE *@#! ? CANCER? Wait that kills people. I'm not ready to die!!! It's crazy how things work out. I started obsessivly reaserching cures and natural health stuff. Juicing my veggies, starting to excercise. Panic set in and I was trying to let everyone one how much I love them and ask for forgivness of my mistakes. Most of all I pulled out one of my many BiBles that was tucked in a drawer somewere Brushed it off and began to pray again. I praid daily faithfully begging God to save me! I prayed for him to please forgive me for ever wanting to die and know now that I never really ment any of that like I mean this now! I thought as I praid to God of all the reasons He should keep me alive. I exhasted my self with countles of things I was coming up with of good deeds I had done for others. It was like I was at a job interview. I am a good mother, the best I know how to be! I care for my i'll mother when no one else is there for her, I have forgiven my father of his abuse and know that he did what he was taught and didn't know another way. I had forgiven my ex for cheating. I never litter, I'm sorry I speed, I don't lie, I share my last dollar, I'd give the shirt off my back, I don't cheet on my taxes, I'm sorry I ever thought I was fat or not pretty enough! I didn't mean to put down your creation! I am your creation God and perffect the way you made me! Beauty isn't skin deep, it goes beyond that to the inside, I get that now. I promiss If you let me live to see my kids grow up I will spend my life making it up to you. Suddenly I realised, Who am I trying to convince? God already knows, he created me. He was letting me convince myself! It worked and now here I am returning the favor! You would be amased at the power of thought! Don't get worrid. You are going to be OK! I will make sure of it. I have researched so much about possative thinking lately it's crazy. If your stressed about your stress test, it can't come out good. RELAX !!! Write That word down Really big with a marker and hang it infront of you. I did thease silly things because I heard stress can cause a lot of ailments and maybe it caused my cancer. My Dr. wrote relax on a persription pad that I carried in my pocket. I had possative messages all around my house on sticky notes. It is not your time yet!! We need you!! BELIEVE that you are healedand you will be! Know that God is in your heart and it is strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi...thank you for your kind words. Having taught Yoga, becoming a Reiki Practitioner and studying for many years a variety of spiritual and other ideas of how important body, mind and spirit are in regards to health is no doubt one of the reasons I feel intimidated. Your background and mine are quite similar. In fact who you are is very similar to how I feel about myself.There has been much drama in my life.a divorce after 25 years, and. my 21 year old'son's suicide 20 years ago. I thought I was over the "wanting to die" thing after that. I saw how painful it was to the whole family.
Words: One of your most helpful words was the word "believe" ..the most challenging for me is to truly feel ok about me and feel there are people who care. The words "we need you" certainly made my heart feel good. The words being "stressed about the stress test" did make me chuckle too. When I taught Yoga and Meditation (for 25 years)..I used to say "I have to hurry up and get to yoga and meditation so I can relax!" and then laugh out loud.
Again. thank you to you and others who have written about their own feelings. Knowing one is really never alond and believeing it are two different perceptions....... Namaste..Lotus Lady
I just wanted to check on you. How are things? Are you doing Ok? I just read what you said about th yoga and hurry up and relax. I use to do that. My Dr. wrote for me about 6 years ago on a percipt pad real big the words RELAX. I carried it in my pocket for a long time in search of this fabulouse thing people wold speak of trying to find it. I chuged down some chamamile tea, trying to hurry up and relax, then ran off to hurry up and slam down some yoga then rush around looking for somemore relaxation real quick befor I gotta run back and finish 10 other things at one time befor I jam home to get dinner going. Makes me tired just thinking about it now. I have had to teach my self to menitate, breath, CALM down, and slowly finally relax. I want to find out how to become a Holistic healer and open a retreat spa type place were other high strung people could come find my new best friend, RELAX. Yaho massage natural remidies etc. I have a small hair salon. Its my third one. They get too busy and big and I keep down sizing because I dont want that much work, I want to relax. I want to heal everyones mind body and soul that I can!!!
Weak heart/cardiac asthma. There is plenty on line regarding every thing. For me, I have listened to the Doctors...plus I trust my body's integrity.
To all who wrote with words of comfort and/or giving me feedback about their own challenges; also to all who read and send good wishes through heartfelt connections..not on paper...I say thank you so much!
At this point, I am not considering surgery. Will try the medicine route, the awareness route, i.e. that every moment is precious and if I am depressed know that this too is part of "who" I am ...and most days it can be ok...(or not..ha).
Heartaches/sometimes equals heart challenges...I feel it, I know it..
Namaste...Lotus Lady
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Thank you John! I do believe the connection between body, mind and spirit. In fact that thought has in the past been somewhat helpful...when the..... hits the fan! You mentioned "conditioning thinking to be more realistic..and get away from the assumption that things will go well for you." Would that mean not to have any assumptions? Beyond the test itself, I am supposed to start a new part time position in a Medical Records Department. The company does not know about the stress test!
Your cognitive therapy suggestions regarding taking one thing at a time is not one of the ideas I have tried. I have been so overwhelmed with working part time, being on limited income, putting a roof over 3 grandchildrens head, dealing with fibromyalgia, melancholy, hypertension that is now spiking, being out of shape, listening to adult children poo poo me, having a recent occurance of bronchitis.......it really makes me smile when I list them!
Even though I am a big John Kabatt Zinn fan (Seth too).. I thought I knew every meditation book that exists (ha...)..I have not looked or read Mindful Way Through Depression...even though it does sound familiar. I do have alot of self judgement and feel that I need to make myself okay. As I said when I first wrote to this site...."pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and on and on. I believe the only thing I can change is me and my attitude..How do I do that?
I didn't even acknowledge depression until I read "Noonday Demon." It is just recently that I agree to the word "melancholic depressive."
Just hearing from people like you helps to feel hope. I feel I am responsible for my own feelings of "hope"...I feel that my son's suicide changed all of our lives.. and his as well!
I still love laughter, sunsets, sunrises...and the ocean nearby.
Namaste...Lotus Lady