Why isn't suicide acceptable? I believe it's the best way to end the suffering of family members.

My doctor really freaked me out the other day by mentioning the fact that I could be antidepressant resistant. No matter what I take I am always going to be flat. What does that tell me. Go ahead and kill myself? I dont think so. Antidepressants arent the only answer to depression. You just need to change your situation, its very hard because we can get addicted to being in the same situation. There are many different lanes on the freeway of life, sometimes we have to change lanes to view the scenery.

I hope this helps,

If you need support dont hesitate to write or IM me at Aim: psychoward1

Pat

Hey Spena

I hear the pain of this experience very clearly in your writing.  I know from experience that when you are in the thick of depression, it seems hopeless and your mind tells you things like, "If I end things then I won't be a burden any longer."  This kind of thinking is an illusion of the depression.  The depression makes us think things that just are not true.

One of the best things said to me which snapped me around was what a suicide hotline counselor told me on the phone.  I was in a bad way and had called for help and spoke pretty much as you are doing here.  This fellow, Frank was his name, told me that in his decades of experience as a therapist, no family member ever says that they are relieved that someone commits suicide.  Quite the opposite.  The people who are left behind carry despair, anger, and guilt for the rest of their lives. 

It might seem easier or even noble to think of this as the way out but it is not.  It doesn't end the pain...it just ends you.  The pain will go on with the people you leave behind.

Please do not give up hope.  I want you to hang in there.  You matter. 

I am glad you reached out here today. 

If the meds aren't working, and you're taking them as directed, and using them long enough to make sure that it's the med that isn't working, and not your emotional state screwing you up - then get another psychiatrist, and/or another talk therapist - you have to have both. I told doctors for 15 years that I was tired all the time - and it wasn't until I got a new psychiatrist who started me on Wellbutrin that I got my energy back - 15 years of fatigue, no motivation - I could function at work, but I was useless after I got home. So keep trying - keep asking, keep searching - you will find a solution, and it's about 80% up to you - the doctors and shrinks are only a few steps ahead, and sometimes they know less than we do!

I have a great talk therapist right now, who tells me what she sees in me - and is honest. Howrefreshing! I've felt the feelings, I know my baggage, now I'm trying to get to my behavior - my behind-the-scenes stuff. I have to get my self-esteem out of my emotional gutter, and she's helping me do that.

Don't be a martyr - make yoursef go look one more time for your solution - demand the truth, demand quality treatment, and live glass half full. Your family will suffer much more if you die than if you try.

If you really wanted to die, you would be dead by now.

So, forget all that suicide ideation. You know your husband loves you as much as you love him, or you would, again, be dead by now.

Rather than think of all the bad things that are happening, think of 5 good things. They may be double negatives, but it would change your thought pattern to a more positive mood.

Now, get up and get out of bed. Do something! Start with something small and increase as time goes on. Do things to make your husband happy. That will make you happy in turn.

Remember, self murder is usually assited. Dr. K, polished off a lady who thought she had a fatal disease, but didn't. Oops! Off to jail for Dr. K., and I don't think you want your husband to go to jail or collect none of you Social Security, etc. Develop a new plan for living.