Hi, there. I think I answered a similar question from you a week or two ago and I gave you a link to Merely Me's sharepost about getting help when you have no insurance. I was wondering if that was not helpful at all. As the previous person said, you must get away from this man. Don't respond to his text messages, don't answer his calls. But you need a therapist to give you consistent support in keeping away from him. Yes, he has hurt you, but you have the power to keep him out, you are not an eternal victim. Try to think about how you became so controlled by this man, what you could have done differently. There IS a reason this has happened to you and part of that reason is that you allowed him to keep abusing you and believed all the bad things he told you. Some of that probably happened unconsciously, but now that you see how it happened, you can stop it. There are women's shelters, crisis lines, help through your county - you don't have to do it alone.
Don't take it one more minute - setting this boundary will in itself help your self-esteem. If you are having trouble finding a therapist, please let us know. It's okay to ask for help. Take care and hope you'll keep in touch.
I am going to try to sum this up. First of all, I feel extremely sorry that you are in this situation. This man is no good. Leave him right away, and never see or talk to him ever again. If he tries to bother you, get a restraining order against him. You do not want this man in your life anymore. He is poison to you. If your daughter will have you for a little while, that would be ideal. Just enough time to get you on your feet. You just need to go to one doctor to get an anti-depressent to help you on your way. You do not NEED to take it forever, maybe not even now, but it will help at this point. You are a productive human being, and this man has gotten you sick. So you need some good rest. Take care of yourself and rest your mind and body for as long as you need, if your daughter doesnt mind your hanging on the couch for a few months. Just try your best not to bother or get into her life. Then when you are feeling better, write up a resum'e and start to look for a job. Go from there. It is a start. You need to take one step at a time. You didnt get where you are in one day, so you need some time to get yourself back on your feet. Just get rid of this man first. That's the most important part of this all! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!
Thank you for ur support. I had a very rough weekend once again, i messed up. This man i have been talking of got the best of me.....He texed me late friday evening to wish me a happy birthday, said how tired he was trying to keep the business running, and the paper work was piled a mile high since I have not been with him in over a month, he went onto say he was so busy runned ragged he didn't no how he would ever get to the paper work that needed to be done, bills enterd in the computer filing the sales taxes etc.....He said he hadn't eaten in two days he had no money for food, just laid it on so thick to me he made me crumble....I now regret and beaten myself up for what i did all weekend.
I went to his place friday night (he suckered me right into his evil webb once again) he played me like a fiddle......I stopped at the store and got him some food, i took what little money i had to buy him food........i can't see anyone hungry as i no what that feels like first hand. I get there and he opens the door enough to let me in, he saw my hands were full of walmart bags he just looked at me and did not say one word just looked at me and walked to his bedroom.(he looked like hell) I took the food into the kitchen and put it away. He was laying on his bed half dressed and out like a light......i removed the coat hangers he was laying on from under his body, he didn't even flinch (i think he was faking it ) anyway i shut his light off and went in the office and cleaned that mess all up. I filed the taxes, entered all the bills into the system, balanced the books got it all caught up once again since it hadn't been done since i left. Once done about 2am i came home. I wasn't going to stay the night there as he said i could because u had told him i would leave when he wanted to go to bed, he said he didn't think i could come over there and just be his friend and i wanted to prove him wrong so i did the work and went home.
Actually he is indeed correct I can't be his friend ..I no this more than ever now. I can't be going over there and helping him knowing he has slept with another woman in what was once my bed, my home, i just can't put myself through that kind of hurt to just help him in the office. Part of me thought that if i play this a different way things could and would get better for us but i am wrong dead wrong ever to think that. There is no us, although he says he loves me and always will i don't think this man is capable of loving anyone and what he has expressed to me as love over the years i have been with him, i don't want that type of love anyway. it surely is not rewarding and has destroyed me as a person and has brought me to my knees questioning what to hell is wrong with me?
I got a tex from him saturday morning saying thanks for my help etc....that he had a biz meeting at noon with a customer then he was coming back home to work on his motorcycle and he would talk to me later.I found out later yesterday afternoon that he had no biz meeting He bold faced lied to me....... he went over to the other coast to spend the weekend with this woman he has been seeing (which by the way he had to stress to me that they were only friends when he texed me friday night with his pity party song and dance) I cleared the way for him to go see this woman so to speak by doing all that office work that needed to be completed and if i hadn't done it he wouldn't of been able to spend the weekend with her. He had money to go to the other coast but he had no money for food? I was played as a fool once again and i have really beaten myself up for it all weekend. I don't no how i could of been so stupid to fall for all this once again, He played on my emotions as he knows i am still not over him so he took advantage of that. what in gods name is wrong with me? This is what scares me to death. I apparently am either obsessed with this man because of the way i have allowed him to mentally abuse me into thinking his way about myself or us or i have total lost myself in life and can't see things normally and just settling for this abuse because i don't feel anything will ever get any better. I have been married 3 times in the past and I am at the point in life where I feel I never will find a decent man and i am just settling for what i find.
My previous husband weren't as abusive they as well all had there motives for being with me because i had money and a great career. I am very caring and very giving type towards people, I am always trying to make the other person happy and neglecting what would make me happy thus settling for less than i deserve i suppose so really i have caused a lot of my own heartache i do no that much.This time I have paid a high price for someone to love me indeed.
I do want to touch a second on my above last statement :"someone to love me", I have always felt very unloved, when i was 12 my mother said she went to have an abortion for me because my father did not want me, she was actually at some back wood doctors office on the table ready to end my life but at the last second she couldn't do it. The other day I brought that up to my mother on the phone and asked her why she felt the need to tell me that when i was 12 years old or why she told me that at all. I don't think a parent should tell there child that ever! My mothers reply to that was: she wanted to punish me because my father and her were never right after she decided to keep me and she said she was sorry because she has seen what that information has done to my life but as an adult she said i should have rose above it... really? How? when u weren't wanted . I never had a running start in life to begin with........gee thanks mom! she said she did love me though, Well thats comforting to know. I think that is why i clung and was so desperate to be loved so i often bought love when i think of it now.
This guy here however, i have never had any experience being with a person who was addicted to meth or any other kind of drug so i didn't no what i was getting myself into really as i had no understanding really of what meth can do to a person and how it can bring down the people they are closest to in the manner i did me. I have read about how meth addicts do suck there loved ones in there lives and it consumes them and they start feeling sorry for the meth addict and take u down right with them without even touch the actual drug yourself and that is part of the problem as well and i think that is where most of the mental abuse came from and he took it out on me for his divorce and others that had used him for his money when he had it. I blew it off that this poor man never had anyone that loved him and understood him so i was determined to make his life all bette by showing him real love, respect and honor....That obviously didn't work ,,I thought i could fix him and all his problems....WRONG! What i ended up doing is destroying myself by allowing him to mentally abuse me to the point where i am at now.
He accused me one day of doing nothing all day in the office when i lived with him saying i lay around in my house coat all day doing nothing.......I never wore a house coat ever! I don't even own one, I would get up at 7am sharp every morning as it was required of me by him to get the coffee going and i got dressed when i got up and had the day ready to roll for him while he was still in bed sleeping. Since he owned his own business he set his own hours as to when he wanted to go to work but yet I had to be up and adam so to speak and get the day going. I think when he was yelling at me about the house coat deal he was loosing his mind because that is what the previous woman he had been dating did when she lived there ....She was a meth addict as well and she did indeed have a house coat, I only know that information from his next door neighbor as she and he were good friends at one time and she would go over there and see his previous girlfriend in her house coat at 2 in the afternoon.
He is an ex- marine and very hard core. For me I went to bed when he said and i got up when he said and he had me so brained washed by the time i moved in with him i did exactly what i was told. It seems i was in training all the time, he wanted me to think like him, act like him and it was his way or the high way and i didn't want to loose him. There were many of times many.....I wasn't allowed to go to bed till the wee hours of the morning, either we were at the casino all night or setting in the office while he was just playing on the internet and i had all my work done that was needed in the office but i was required to just set there with him. I did get to turn the tv on in the office but i was so tired i wanted to go to bed! On weekends if we went to the casino and we were there all night we would get home maybe 8-or 9 in the morning and i would ask to take a nap while he was bumping himself up with his meth and he allowed me to take a nap but only for two hours because sleeping was a waist of time he said, there was always something to do. I remember one time i set the alarm for two hours and it didn't go off and i slept for 4 hours he was out in the garage working on his motorcycle and he came in screaming and woke me up because i over sleep the two hours i was alloted.
As i write this and read it my god what to hell happen to me to allow a man to treat me like this? the things i have been threw with this man, he has several guns around the house and i have had them put to my head and pointed at me more times than i can recall, he wasn't going to shoot me i don't think, well obviously not as i am still here, but he would do it to see if i showed fear towards him which i did not, i knew enough to not show that type of fear to him i would just say pull it then, just pull it and he would put it down, or i would look at him when he pointed it at me and i would say with a smile what are u doing? trying to make a joke of it or i would say can i see that gun? oh wow that is a really nice guy and it pleased him and he would hand it to me so i could get it away from him, He is crazy!
Now any normal woman would get to hell away from him quick and fast but not me he has such a hold on me and i need help to break this .....I no what people tell me is true, he is evil, he is full of hate towards his ex-wife, he hates women deep down inside but like any man a woman has her purpose to him. he is a user and abuser but to him he does no such things, to him i should of shown more respect for him because he is a good man and any woman would be thankful to have a man like him he would tell me.....he would say I caused all our problem, that i think irrational, i am quick to judge i'm this i am that. he got me believing it.....i wasn't allowed to cry in front of him, he said women turn on the tears and a man is just suppose to say "oh i am sorry" he said he takes no pitty on my crying when he hurts my feelings so i was to keep my emotions in check.
One night i thought i was really going to loose my mind, i had gone to my daughters for less than 20 minutes i came back and he said i was with a man. i was not and he badgered me for hours i mean hours kept telling me to come clean , be honest, stop lying, tell the truth, i was crying so bad i couldn't catch my breath, i kept telling him over and over i would not admit to something i didn't do and he just kept calling me a liar.... i mean i thought i was loosing my mind ...i wanted to leave, get out and he wouldn't let me out of the bedroom he just drilled and drilled me .......then finally when he realized i was not going to crack and i begged him to stop because i had chest pains i couldn't breath, i felt light headed i needed to lay down he went into the bathroom threw me a cold wash cloth and threw it at me and said get a grip will u? calm down and go to bed ......he left the bedroom shutting the door behind him taking my cell phone with him. Later when he came to bed he was hugging all up on me saying how sorry he was etc.
This is what my life was like with him, somedays I was with the man of my dreams , he was so sweet , we would go out on the bike , go to the beach bars dance , walk the beach had great times......maybe that is why i allowed all of this because i fell in love with the man i first met and he would show himself every now and then and i did believe maybe he was right it was me that caused all our problems. all i no is that i need to be free of this man, he is sick, he is very dangerous , very paranoid, he is loosing everything and he is a walking time bomb........he hates paying his ex-wife the alimony and he would take it out on me every month. I no all his dark secrets, I no about all the money he has scammed from the IRS over the years, i no where he takes customers checks to cash them so he doesn't claim them as income.......he knows i can destroy him that way and he often accused me that i am going to do that to him...I no way more than i should that is for sure.
Why in gods name do i love this man? Why do i set here and cry over him being with another woman? why do i set and wait for a tex or e-mail? why is this man on my mind 24/7? I eat, breath and sleep this man , why would i want to go back and relived all of this again with him? I just can't take it any more. I lost my entire life to this man. He is evil, ruthless, hurtful and why did he pick me to do this to over and over? How could i gotten so weak and cowar down to this man? I was never like this before, never. I have always said what i feel and I never took crap like this from my previous husbands they got out of line with me i would speak my mind but with this man i never would , i held my thoughts i became a sniveling little coward of a woman with him. I can't stand living like this, even without him he is still destroying me a little more each day.
I have been looking for work, I have been unemployed a year now and that was something else he said to me that i wasn't looking for work, i wasn't trying to raise any money to help him with the problems with the biz.......It's not my fault he has a gambling problem and when i lived with him i bought all the food and i gave him most all my unemployment check, i bought all the things we needed in the home. I did go on a few job interviews when i was with him and then he would make me feel guilty and say well if u get this job who is going to be in the office all day and answer the phones and he would throw these fits right before i went to an interview and some i purposely blew so i wouldn't get a job to make him happy. i am so sick in the head. I even enrolled in school to further my career last october and the classes were monday through friday 8am-12 noon he threw a fit over that because i wouldn't be there to answer the phones and for gods sakes he could of forward them to his cell till i got back..his business isn't that large or busy that the phones ring off the hook, so there again i gave up something i wanted to do to please him make him happy then he has the gall to call me lazy and i don't try?
ur right he is poision, i just need someone to help me, i wish i could just have this nightmare disappear from my mind completely.......it is so overwhelming everyday to face this day after day. My daughter is very supportive of me but also get angry at me because i still have such a tie to him, my friends get mad at me because they can't understand why i can't hate this man, why i still care about him and if i had the answers to that maybe i could move on and start to heal. I should be hating him, i wish i could, i even pray i could. i want to be strong and the woman i once was so the next time he contacts me i can say screw u and go f-urself i don't need a looser type like u in my life. I so want to be able to say that to him, i want him to no i will not be there waiting in the shadows for him like he knows i am doing now.......i want my freedom back.
it eats at me knowing he is out there having a ball with out a second thought about me and i am the one that lost it all in life because of him.......why do bad things happen to good people and why in gods name doesn't he get his? yeah he is going broke, he has a lot of money issues but he is still living the life ,he isn't the one alone and crying, he isn't the one sleeping on a dam couch! im so angry and yet so sad .there is no balance here.....i have so much time on my hands it just eats me day in day out. i have very little money to do anything to go anywhere and most of what i have i give to help out my daughter since i am living here. she hates seeing me like this and she doesn't understand how i feel and what this has done to my life.
again, i thank you for ur support and i will keep u posted on what is going on. thanks for listening.
My heart goes out to you, and thank you for being so honest. I am in the same boat, maybe we could start a free blog for all of us.. I can create one but at present I feel I am useless, but deep down I know I am a productive member of society. I teach computer applications and at present in Cork City Ireland there is no work for my profession. So I'm constantly broke, recently I offered my local community free emailing classes to the pensioners. Still no pay, but its a start...
If you have any suggesions on how we can both make a wage. There must be hundreds of thousands like us. Surley we can try help others with a Free Blog or Website that I can build and you can partner as i see you can type lets try something to build our self esteem. After what we let these men do to us
A caring friend
It feels like I have walked in your shoes before. I have been to a phycologist recently and his answer was find someone to sell me an illigal drug (marijauna) or however its spelled. I never went back to him. I suggest you find a church that has a person, maybe the pastor, that has a good background in councelling to help or at least listen and maybe direct you in the right way for help. In the mean time I will pray that God intervenes and gives you the needed help you deserve.
ever heard of brevity in writing? what is your main complaint? you seem nto to have whole sentences in your manifesto or whatever.sounds like you could have left the situation.think of health workers whom have mental component to their case,say back injury.ive met poeple whom have had that.ever heard of the beattitudes in bible,i think mark or matthew?maybe you didnt take care of whatever in five months.life seems a lot lige the priest going to st.ives.he meets his needs by adding"things'or what he nitices as he goes.maybe jet pilots are basically the same animal.using"things,systems"only as they need them.sounds like u could use a couple viewings of larry crowne movie or thomas crownds affair.and some chocloate ice cream.(See:miss congeaneality).
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