Hello, there.  Keep hanging on to the fact that hurting yourself would hurt the people who love you.  There IS hope, depression can be treated.  Do you have a therapist?  If not, I would suggest that you find one because it can be a great source of support.  Perhaps you need to try an antidepressant, as well.  They don't always "cure" depression, but they can at least take enough of the edge off it that you can function.  You are numb, but also angry.  Can you talk some about what it is that makes you angry?

If you have trouble finding help or don't have insurance or the money for it, just let us know and we can give you some resources.  You should get some help as soon as possible.  Many of us here have gone through this, sometimes more than once in our lives, and we know we're glad we decided to stick around.  Hope you'll write some more and let us know how you're doing - we're here to help.