I have been divorced for 10 years, have three children, and 2 grandchildren. My 2 oldest children live in the area and my 15 year old daughter lives in California with her father. The seperation from her weighs on my terribly. It's like a huge void in my life. My middle son has recently joined the military with the possibility of deployment and I'm not sure how to deal with this. I've lost contact with many friends telling myself I have nothing positive to say so why say anything at all. I don't date because I always find emotionally unavailable males and then I hang on to them. Why I don't know. I don't know how to make new friends or meet new people because I absolutely hate going anywhere alone. Kind of a catch 22. I know I need to get back on track and learn to live life again but I am absolutely at a dead end. I don't know where to begin and the loneliness is terrible. I've tried by myself to get back on track but my wheels are still spinning and I have not been able to upright myself again.
Q: I have derailed and I'm not sure how to get back on track.
Hi there
You have certainly been through a lot haven't you? Sometimes we have to look at survival as a success. You are still here and there is the opportunity for better days ahead. Now how to get there is the thing.
I think sometimes when we look at our life as this big messy picture...it seems too overwhelming and we think, "why bother?" This is the depression talking. It might seem weird to say but I feel that sometimes it is best to look at the trees and not the forest.
Start small each day with some baby steps of where you want to go.
It is a bad feedback loop to be in...to be depressed and to feel lonely...but then the depression tells us falsehoods like...it doesn't matter anyway...why bother trying...and then we end up more lonely...and more depressed.
You have taken a great step already by writing here and sharing this with us. Feel good about this.
What is another small step you can take? And one other thing...don't judge the outcome of your attempts. Just keep trying.
What sorts of things do you enjoy doing when you are feeling well? A lot of the time we can meet people that way...through common interests.
Would you be interested in joining a support group? There are many on-line and also groups which meet in person.
Maybe try a small outing with a friend. Go out for an hour to a coffee shop. See how it goes.
One site which I have found to be really good is www.meetup.com. You simply plug in where you live and also your interests and you can meet groups of people that way. People meet for anything from going to see movies to bowling or dining or even support groups.
I have lots of ideas but the main thing is...you have to feel ready. Nobody can do that for you.
I do hope you begin the journey to getting back on track...love your analogy of being derailed. You can do this!
Let me know if there is anything else we can help with here. There is a lot of support here...lots of people who are in a similar boat as you are. Keep reaching out. You make a difference when you do.
Thank you for your question.
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