I am only 17, my life should just be beginning. But I have suffered from cyclothymia for years, since I was 13. When I was 14 I was raped too and I never told anyone about it. I guess there are some supressed feelings there too. It is getting really bad at the time, with at least one low every day. It is taking all my energy not to start harming again because I saw how much it hurt my parents last time. People say I have nothing to complain about, I have a lovely family, a lovely boyfriend and good friends. But there are several times where I just feel so alone. I have tried everything to combat this; therapy, drugs, everything; but nothing seems to work. Please, I am on my last legs, can someone help me?
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6/16/09 6:17pm
Hi Milli
I am very glad you came here today. This is a really good step to reach out like this.
From the outside...people have no idea what you are going through. They only see the exterior of things and cannot feel your insides.
I have some idea of what you may be feeling because I have been there...I used to cut. I wrote an article about it which you may find here. The source of self harm is multi-faceted. But generally it is a release from the pain you are feeling.
Rape...is a big deal. How much therapy have you had? I think that despite the not good enough therapy you may have had...please give it another chance with someone who knows about this sort of sexual trauma.
I believe that depression comes from both the environment as in traumas and stressors and also from our unique biology. It sounds like you have both factors going on. Do not blame yourself for feeling the way you do. You just need to find the right help for you.
Can you enlist the help and support of your parents to find you a better therapist? Perhaps even group therapy might help.
Please keep writing here to tell us how you are doing and please do not harm yourself. There are other ways to deal with the pain.
Keep talking to us...we are here.
8/12/09 2:39pm
I am 47 and was diagnosed with cyclothimia about 9 years ago. My psychiatrist gave me a drug that pretty much saved my life and if you are like me then it should save yours too. The big problem with people that have this small chemical imbalance in their brains is that they don't fully get that they will always have it and it will never go away. Therefore when you are feeling good you don't go off the med thinking that you are cured or you can "beat it" somehow. The only thing you will end up beating is yourself. Well enough of the lecture. I really hope you go back to the doctor and try this med and stay on it 900-1200 mgs. Oh...of coarse..the med...how simple it is...just a salt based med that evens everything out. The drug that saved my life and continues to is LITHIUM.
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By milli9819— Last Modified: 12/18/10, First Published: 06/16/09
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Thank you. I will look into some better therapy. I have had no therapy as such for the rape trauma, only CBT to deal with my lows. I will look into getting some specialist help. Thank you