Tuesday, November 17, 2009 faithful friend asks

Q: Dear friend suffering from severe anger and depression

He's lost most of his jobs, drinks to not feel the pain. He does not get violent when he gets angry but the yelling and anger is through the roof.

He has been out of a job, and no one exactly knows the reasons, but not working by work rules was part of it.

After he got fired, a DUI ensued, and is living off unemployment and complains how he is going to loose everything but doesn't make a real effort to get another job.

He has talked suicide more than once, and I even went with him to the Doctor who he wouldn't talk to about the suicide, but did talk about the drinking and the Dr. put him on Paxil for depression, but there has been no real follow ups...and he drinks while on the Paxil so the anger and yelling and inability to sleep nights goes on and on.

I hang in there as a friend because I don't know anyone that has such a huge heart and helps everyone and expects nothing in return.

Is there any written material that I can bring to his attention. He had to go to a program for the DUI but that didn't help. The drinking resumed, and I take "breaks" away from the bad behavior.

Thank you for any advice.

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Answers (4)

Judy

11/17/09 9:55pm

Hi, faithful friend. I don't know how you would feel about doing this, but you could call the doctor who put him on the Paxil and tell him exactly what's going on, tell him that you're very concerned about him, that he's drinking and angry all the time. The doctor can't divulge any information to you, but it's okay to let him know what's happening. Then, hopefully, the doctor can confront him with his behavior. If, despite this intervention, he still won't help himself, there's not a lot you can do except not reward his unacceptable behavior. Taking breaks is good, very good - you don't want to get dragged down with him if he has no intention of coming back up. I know it's really hard to watch this happen to people we care about and I hope it doesn't go on too much longer. I'm giving you a link to this share post by Merely Me that you and maybe even your friend might find helpful, written for people who feel they just cannot cope.

I wish your friend the best and hope that you will take care of yourself, too. Feel free to write here any time.

faithful friend

11/19/09 9:49pm

I have thought about contacting his Doctor because I was there at the appointment when the Paxil was prescribed. He had a bad girlfriend breakup and had a severe panick attack two months after finding out some very unfortunate things about this girl. His family and I pitched in to help him and the Doctor told him not to drink while he was on the Paxil....and said a drink or two would hurt occasionally. JR isn't wired for occasionally and it has been worse and worse.

I just am so thankful for you taking the time and investing those few minutes in reaching out with, what I feel, is the most reasonable path for me. I do know that Doctor and I will make that phone call.

Thank you so much! Faithful frustrated friend:)

jpw2008

11/17/09 7:53pm

Interest I wish for him power to cope

Jon

wrecked

11/17/09 8:11pm

You are doing a good job so far by seeking out info. And taking breaks from bad behavior lets him know that it is not tolerable, so good for you! He does need to want to help himself though and be serious about it. By knowing he has good friends to support him, that should be positive motivation. I came across this site with many articles http://ezinearticles.com/?Untreated-Depression&id=2704834

and of course we are all here to help too.

faithful friend

11/19/09 9:52pm

After 10 years I am hitting some kind of bottom with this. I have urged him to seek counseling with Catholic Charities who has fantastic drug and alcholol counselors. He made one phone call actually after his DUI and even liked talking to the counselor.....but that was it. I just am so thankful for you taking the time in reaching out with additional website information. I do know that Doctor and I will make that phone call. Thank you so much! Faithful frustrated friend:)

MACEYMOM

11/18/09 9:56am

Dear faithful friend,

You are a great person. I applaud you.

I also think you should tell his doctor about the drinking at see what he tells your friend. I am finding it hard to tell you what to do because I myself am having trouble getting out of a rut. I have a job and I don't drink but I feel like I am wallowing in self pity and I have gone to seek medical attention but I feel like I am dragging my husband down to because I can't seem to get out of the rut.

I hope this friend realizes what a great person you are.

Good Luck

faithful friend

11/19/09 10:00pm

I am so thankful for all the responses and yours touched my heart. I have been blessed with so much, and I say that in spite of loosing my Mom at 16 to cancer and a beautiful Dad swollowed up by demons from WWII that were only washed away by alcohol. The short of the story is, battles seem to be a way of life for most of us....but I read somewhere to always have an attitude of gratitude. When you feel dragged down, think of what lifts your spirit the most...a hug from a loved one, a sunny day, your fav coffee, a fav song...(play it)....the wonder of the stars and knowing that everyday the big dipper has the same amount of stars in the same place. There is beauty all around us...and the fact that you read my angst (which wasn't a very beautiful place) and answered...well...you made a fav part of my day:)

MACEYMOM

11/20/09 7:32am

I am glad my message touched your heart. That is what we are all here for on this site. To listen and share and consoul and praise people. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Q: Dear friend suffering from severe anger and depression

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