Please help - getting more depressed (again), and am scared. Been depressed most of my life, and have been on so many different meds....nothing ever helped me feel good - just dysthymic. Lexapro - I thought I'd struck gold!!! I never knew anyone could and does feel that way. I felt GOOD. Glad to be alive. Not at all suicidal. Nothing. Life was beautiful, music was happy again. I had a 100% turnaround after a few days of the lexapro. That happy, energetic, not wanting to isolate feeling lasted about 2 1/2 weeks and I have been struggling to stay ok since. It's been about two months now, and my depression is creeping back, as much as I am trying to fight it. I have a therapist, am doing behavioral things to try to stay ok, and am physically taking care of myself. I don't know what to do, and actually I am feeling terrified. Can someone please help? I had a taste of happy, and I want that. I am 43 yrs. old, and feel 90. Too much abuse, too many people....but I saw a glimmer of hope. I am slipping, and hanging on by my fingernails, and NO ONE seems to understand this. NO ONE. I pray to God to help me end this, but I guess I'm supposed to stay a while longer. But I just don't understand- the pain is so overwhelming at times - I don't even have the words. Just the tears. Someone......anyone hear me?
Q: Is it ever possible for me to fee GOOD? Lexapro helped for about 2 weeks (GREAT), now, not so much.
to over come any type of negative emotion we need to understand the basics of the mind for example thoughts become things. between thought and thought theirs a strem or gap of no mind this gap has no opposite try and widen it to 5 mins daily and keep you mind into the present
i have asked myself this same question,for 20+ years. and "my" answer is, i truly dont know..i have accepted that feeling okay ,is acceptable ,because the feeling of being on the low end of depression is so much worse. like you ,i have tried many different meds thru the years and im just coming off a low where the meds just quit working. my dr rx a new med yesturday and im hoping to see an improvement. as i go thru this struggle along with you and many others, ill be happy to keep in touch. my last meds were zoloft 100mg + cymbalta 60mg, now im trying zoloft 100mg + remeron(old deppression med).so mara dont give up, the answer is out there, we just have to keep working on it.. of course,lack of motivation is my worse vice, but ive found that this board is great place to go and im actually a newbie..
Mara, I can totally relate to you and, I understand the fear of becoming depressed >>> AAAgain..
It's scary when you know where you're heading, and not knowing exactly how to stop it !!! I had hoped a lot of how I felt/feel was due to the weather (SADS) and/or a brain tumor I had..But, I don't think so..
A friend of mine went through a really serious period of depression, and her Dr. finally offered her the Deep Brain Stimulation..WOW !!! is all I can say for her results..She wouldn't leave the house or her husbands side, cried 24/7, no food interests, etc... She tried med's, many appointments with psychiatrist and NOO luck..But, after the "shock" treatments, >>couple weeks later, she was able to have conversations w/out crying and all the above negative feelings. I wish I knew more about those " Miracle" treatments, and am looking up more info. on it when I see it online.. I'm not sure if that's something you'd be able to get, or if your Doc. would think about it at least ?? Can't hurt to ask him/her..Let me know if you read or hear anything about this type of treatment, please and how you get through this mountain ? Keep the hope, and ask your guardian angel to place the right person,place or thing in your path. 
Hope to hear back from you soon.
Mary
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