Mara, I can totally relate to you and, I understand the fear of  becoming depressed >>> AAAgain..  It's scary when you know where you're heading, and not knowing exactly how to stop it !!!  I had hoped a lot of how I felt/feel was due to the weather (SADS) and/or a brain tumor I had..But, I don't think so..  A friend of mine went through a really serious period of depression, and her Dr. finally offered her the Deep Brain Stimulation..WOW !!! is all I can say for her results..She wouldn't leave the house or her husbands side, cried 24/7, no food interests, etc...   She tried med's, many appointments with psychiatrist and NOO luck..But, after the  "shock" treatments, >>couple weeks later, she was able to have conversations w/out crying and all the above negative feelings.  I wish I knew more about those  " Miracle"  treatments, and am looking up more info. on it when I see it online.. I'm not sure if that's something you'd be able to get, or if your Doc. would think about it at least ??  Can't hurt to ask him/her..Let me know if you read or hear anything about this type of treatment, please and how you get through this mountain ?  Keep the hope, and ask your guardian angel to place the right person,place or thing in your path. Hope to hear back from you soon. Mary