Monday, August 23, 2010 John asks

Q: Hi, my wife has had depression for most of her adult life (20 Years+),

we have been married for 15 years and together for 20 years. There was a period that we split for 18 months due too me not fully understanding how depression affected my wife and affected me as a result. She has been diagnosed by a doctor as having depression and has been told that she would have to be on medication for the rest of her life in the form of a maintenance dose. The problem we are now encountering is that my wifes experience of anti-depressants in the past have left her feeling like a zombie which she doesn't want. How do I try and persuade the women that I love so very much to seek the medicine she requires? Is there different types of medication now, the medication she was on years back was Seroxat which produced some horrendous side effects which she doesn't want to experience again. Any help in this sensitive area would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

John

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Answers (3)

Merely Me

8/23/10 10:12pm

Hello John

I want to reinforce what Judy is saying here...in that there are so many different types of antidepressants now that there is much hope that she may find one which does not make her feel like a zombie.

One thing you can do is to visit our Member Medication Reviews...where members talk about the various medications and how they worked or did not work for them. I think it would be good to get a head start by beginning to research the meds.

I too wish to commend you for helping your wife. Depression is not only hard for the person who has it but also for loved ones.

If there is any information or resources you need...please let us know okay?

Judy

8/23/10 6:15pm

Hi, John. I commend you for wanting to do all you can to help your wife. I want you to know that there are tons of different medications out there now and they don't all have the effect of leaving people feeling like zombies. Different people respond differently to medications, so it is sometimes trial and error. I have found Wellbutrin, for example, to have the least side effects of anything I've tried and I've been on it for years and years. If you end up with a side effect that you can't tolerate, the response should be to talk with the doctor about trying something else and not just stop taking it on your own. Some of these drugs have bad withdrawal symptoms if you go off them suddenly, anyway.

Is your wife in therapy? Perhaps that might help, as well. You could also go to a couples therapist which can be of great help in understanding each other, as sometimes it's rather difficult to communicate with each other about this.

I wish you the best and hope you'll let us know if there's more we can do to help.

John Folk-Williams

8/28/10 6:44pm

Hi, John -

Feeling like a zombie is exactly what I felt when on antidepressants for a number of years. I believe that is an unacceptable and unnecessary side effect to live with. There are many medications and combinations of meds to try - the ones that work should not simply trade off depressive moods for the inability to feel anything. In fact, those are both symptoms of depression. The result should be to feel energized and able to function in life the way you want to.

But the bigger picture is that relying on medication alone is not enough. I've found that meds can help but that therapy is important and any activity which helps improve not only mood but health generally. Depending on a person's preferences, that can mean changing diet, more exercise, meditation - whatever works for your wife. There are also many kinds of therapy - some focus on family history, others look primarily at your current thinking and mood and help you change how you think about yourself. There dozens of models of therapy, and a person needs to try different ones to see what works.

I would also try a different doctor. Giving someone a life sentence and saying that permanent medication is the best you hope for may reflect psychiatric opinion but it isn't necessarily true. It took me many, many years but I finally have recovered, and many others have as well. Depression is serious and getting a range of opinions is important. Psychiatrists tend to believe that all recurring mental disorders are permanent, and you only go into remission for a time, at best. If you keep telling yourself that, it will be true. But you can also have a more positive outlook and look toward a better life.

John

Q: Hi, my wife has had depression for most of her adult life (20 Years+),

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