The Purple Elephant in the Room: Talking to Someone With Depression

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“I'm sorry you're in so much pain.”

"I can't imagine what it's like for you. It must be very difficult and lonely.”

"I can't really fully understand what you are feeling, but I’m here to support you."

The individual is anticipating rejection. Let him know that you are not going to push him away because of the depression, but that you are going to be there for him. Ask if there’s anything you can do to make his life easier. Tell him:

“I’m here for you no matter what.”

"You are important to me."

Be hopeful without being a cheerleader.

"It will pass; we can ride it out together."

“Do you feel like talking? I’m glad to listen. It may help you.”

“Do you want a hug?" (if appropriate)

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

Dealing With Work Situations

If the person you’re concerned about is a coworker or employee, one of the most helpful things you can do is talk to them about what they need from you to get their job done. (If you are an employer in the United States, you are required to accommodate their illness anyway).

If the individual is your employee, some factors you could discuss with them include whether they need a more flexible schedule, whether anything in their work environment needs to be modified (a quieter location, for instance), and how much you need to know about their situation on an ongoing basis. You should definitely be clear about how much leeway you're willing to give them in terms of job performance. Even if you are not going to give them much, if any, they will feel more comfortable knowing what the guidelines are.

If you're talking to a coworker who is depressed, the most helpful thing you can say is something along the lines of, "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Unhelpful Remarks

Would any of the following describe your approach when you talk to someone with depression?