- "Are you sure this isn't a crisis of faith?"
Although these approaches may seem helpful - after all, you're just trying to make the individual feel better - they almost always have the opposite effect. These tactics frustrate the depressed person because they make it clear that you don't understand what clinical depression is all about. Many people fall back on remarks like these simply because they don't have any experience with depression and don't know how else to handle the situation.
Cheerleader - “Cheer up!” “You'll be a better/stronger person because of it.”
You can’t transfer your energy and positive outlook to someone by depression by the sheer strength of your bubbly personality. All depressed people wish it were true. We’d be seeking out the most excessively bubbly person we know and cling to them like a limpet.
Drill Sergeant - “Get off your behind and stop feeling sorry for yourself.” “You just want to be miserable.”
You may be using the “tough love” approach in hopes that it will snap the person out of their depression. Take it from me; this is so not going to work. You will be the last person they come to from now on to talk about their depression.
Mr. or Ms. Fix-It - “What you need is a hobby/vacation/significant other.”
When I told a good friend that I had been diagnosed with depression and was going to start taking medication, his response was that I just needed to go to graduate school and get an advanced degree so I could get out of secretarial work. He was thinking “life in a rut” instead of clinical depression. The fact that he is well educated and works in t.v. news didn’t make him any more knowledgeable about this particular subject. I knew he meant well, but I didn’t talk to him about my depression after that.
Missionary- “Are you sure this isn't a crisis of faith?”
Yes, many people with depression find comfort in spirituality. However, being told that your depression will be cured or alleviated by church sounds a lot like a lecture and definitely could mean you have an unconscious agenda. It’s more likely that you yourself find comfort in prayer and church and reading the bible and are sure it will help. But while it may help some individuals cope with depression, it doesn't work for everyone, and it almost never works alone.
Other “Don’ts” to Keep in Mind:
