- Don't trivialize the depression by saying something like, “Well, everyone has a down day now and then.” A “down” day is not the same thing as clinical depression. Your making a statement like that just shows the depressed person that you don’t understand what they are going through. Do some reading on clinical depression.
- Don't imply that the person is a whiner/ self-absorbed/looking for attention/enjoying being miserable, i.e. "You *want* to feel this way" or “Why don’t you just stop feeling sorry for yourself?”
- Don't try to “fix” the situation unless they have asked for your help in some specific way, i.e., reminding them to take their medication or finding a doctor.
- Don't try to talk the person out of taking their medicine, i.e. “You just need to stop taking all those pills. They’re just poisoning you.” At the very least, first do some research on the subject and talk to the prescribing physician.
- Don't make it about you and how the person’s depression is affecting you. It may not be fair, especially if it is affecting you, but there is no point. This person is barely hanging on by their fingernails and already has a lot of guilt swirling around. You’ll only make them feel guiltier and defensive.
- Don't bring any biases or agenda to this discussion. You may not realize you are, but let’s say you had a family member whose depression has affected you in the past. You would want to acknowledge that and make sure that you don’t use this person as a stand-in to vent your frustration.
And Absolutely Do Not Say...
“Just smile more.” This was the one thing that could make me almost literally homicidal. I inevitably snarled a response like “Wow, I’m cured. How can I ever thank you?”
Finally, I wish I could say that just reaching out to the person is enough no matter how unhelpful your actual words are. If you’re sincere in your desire to help and comfort, than that might come through. However, if you mean well but don’t know what to say, it would probably be better to keep it simple and tell the person that you’re there if they want to talk. That in itself tells them that you’re not going to reject them, are not trivializing their situation and are going to be non-judgmental, which is extremely helpful.
