We are all entitled to feeling anyway we want to about our diabetes. Sad. Angry. Happy. Proud. Annoyed. Hysterical (no, really, it cracks me up sometimes). Whatever. I certainly am in no position to tell someone how to feel. If someone teases me for wearing red sneakers, and I feel offended by that, they can't say, "You should NOT feel offended! It's not a big deal!" Well, maybe it is to me. And if that's how I feel, I'm allowed to feel that way.

Just like, for some people, diabetes does make them angry. I can't tell you to not feel angry if that is how you feel. What I'm suggesting, though, is that we simply looking at why we feel a certain way. Why would I be offended over silly criticism of my sneakers? Is it worth it to let something like that bother me for more than two seconds? Maybe not.

And diabetes is a much bigger part of my life than a silly comment about my sneakers-but I also know that diabetes is SUCH a HUGE part of my life that it's not going away anytime soon...so how much time and energy am I willing to spend on being angry about the disease?

If I were to constantly feel annoyed and angry that I have diabetes, is it hurting me to feel that way? Is it a negative cloud I'm carrying around all day? Are those thoughts preventing me from making progress or reaching goals in other aspects of my life completely separate from my diabetes?

If diabetes impacts how I feel every day, and how I feel impacts my motivation and desire to accomplish things and enjoy my life, can anything ever be completely separate from my diabetes?

Personally, I believe everything is intertwined. I believe energy spent being angry about something I can't get rid of is energy truly wasted. And I believe every negative thought and feeling I allow to transpire absolutely spreads and permeates throughout the rest of my life. We can't always point our fingers to it, we can't say, "LOOK! Right here! That spread to this!" but it happens. 

While I can't control whether or not I have diabetes, I can control how I handle it, and how much it interferes or slows down or hurts the rest of my life. Not every day is smooth and perfect, but do I have to get angry about every low or high? I don't think diabetes "WINS" or "BEATS ME" at anything just because I have a high blood sugar. I think lows and highs are part of living with this disease.

I definitely don't believe diabetes "WINS" some sort of game if I decide to give up. Nobody wins there. I just lose.

I don't want the disease to weigh me down. A burden on my shoulders. I just want to carry it, sometimes carefully, sometimes with more difficulty some days than others, and sometimes quite proudly.

And if I was in the past using so much of my energy to feel so angry...and I suddenly decided to let go of that habit, stop expending my energy there...how much energy would I have left? And what could I do with it instead?