Ashamed of myself!

Hi everyone, I am new to diabeties support groups, sites etc... I really like this one, it's readable and everyone is relatable. Anyway, I have been living with this disease for 7 years, almost eight, unfortunately I just recently let myself believe I have diabeties, I was living in denial that long. So far I don't have any complications that I notice and my doctor hasn't told me of any, just that I have protein in my kidneys and I'm a little worried and hope to fix the problem before it gets bad, I know what will happen if I don't, my doctor gave me a lecture for not going to see her for a few years(6 out of 7 years) I'm ashamed of myself, but I guess I just thought if I didn't feel terrible I must be okay.

      My dad is also diabetic so I do know about it, not as much as I had thought, it's hard being a diabetic! My dad makes it look so easy and effortless, but he takes care of himself. My parents did not really know how bad my disease is until my doctor said that my diabeties is in poor condition, my blood sugar is way out of control, I  lied about going to the doctor, so my parents didn't know that I wasn:t going, now one of them always goes with mer to be sure I am actually going, they are very upset and worried as am I.

     I can totally relate to the article on diabulimia, that is my story! I woke up to the fact that I have diabeties when I became terribly sick and couln,t stop throwing up, but because I am still very uneducated in this disease when I thought I knew so much I didn't know why I was so sick.

     It's really hard for me to say this next thing, I'm disgusted with myself, I'm having a real hard time with food, I am an uncontrollable eater, that's all I want to do, but it's not healthy food it is chocolate bars and chips or 7-11 food, one day I ate four chocolate bars!!!!!!!!    I cried because I know what I'm doing and what can and will happen to me, I want to change so badly but I need alot of help I don't know what to do for myself, I mean I see the doctor regularly now, and the dietician, a few days after I do all I can to eat right and excercise, but then I go back to the bad stuff.

    I don't even check my blood sugar because I can't afford the test strips, I don't know what to buy when I go grocery shopping because I don't have alot of money, and not really sure what I will eat anyway I'M so used to the junkfood or fast food I pick up on the way home from work.

     Thank you to all fellow diabetics out there on this site for sharing your stories and advise, after I log off this site I feel like I can do this and make myself better. It helps that there are young people my age going through this I've only been around older adults with diabeties, I wish I had friends who could relate, but I don't know anyone with diabeties under 25.

        Thank you especially to Ginger I find you very motivating and i aspire to eventually be like you! Maybe someday I will be a personal trainer, or teaching yoga, you are awsome!