My Diabulimia

It was only as I got older that I really realised I was different. I didn't feel normal anymore when I had my afternoon snack while the other kids worked, or when the other girls got changed for swimming while I had to have a sugary drink and then get changed so that my blood sugar didn't go low. I also noticed I liked to do things that the other girls didn't want to do, I loved setting things on fire, playing rough games with the boys, and generally didn't want to play mummies and daddies with the other girls. I started to feel not normal anymore, I felt like I was constantly being made to eat while other girls just got to play and eat sweets whenever they wanted. I started to hate eating, but I was a good girl I had to do what I was told....right?

In my last year of primary school I started to do little things that where "naughty", but made me feel triumphant. I would buy sweets on the way to school and gorge myself on their sugar which I had been denied for the fear it would make my blood sugar go high. I would "forget" my afternoon and morning snacks and I would put all my lunch in the bin and go play instead of eating. I also started to think because of all the snacks I was made to have I was huge compared to all the other girls and hated getting into my swimming costume and people seeing all of my what I thought was fat. So I stopped going to the school swimming lessons hiding my costume in the back of my locker and saying I forgot it and so I couldn't swim, and all sorts of excuses. In the end I think I only did 2 swimming lessons in the whole of year 6. I started to become VERY good with excuses. On the night of my first sleep over I sat and ate lots of sweets with the other girls and felt very normal for the first time ever, and it made me really happy, when I did my blood test it was a bit high after the sweets, something like 22 and I knew I should have called my mum to have her come and give me an extra injection but I didn't want to, I wanted to keep having fun, so I didn't call her and went off to walk the dog with the other girls where I got bitten by some sort of bug and because normally I had good blood sugars my body couldn't take the spike of sugar and the bite started to get infected. When my mum came in the morning to do my injection my blood sugar was still high and she looked at my blood sugar from the night before and told me off for not calling her to give an extra dose of insulin and letting my blood sugar go high. When I got home I started to feel unwell and went to look at the itchy bite on my leg which now had a large yellow head and was clearly infected. My blood sugar must have then got very high or something because at that point my nose started bleeding uncontrollably for at least 20 minutes, and it was pretty scary, it was like no other nose bleed I had every had, it was just like a tap, but after it did stop I decided to tell my dad that I didn't feel very well. I showed him my leg which for some strange reason he tried to burst to get the poison out of my system, however this made me feel worse and in the end I was taken to hospital as I got to the point where I felt too dizzy to sit up and my blood sugar was uncontrollable because of the infection. If I remember rightly I spent something like 3 or maybe 4 days in hospital before being given the all clear. I was fine and it hadn't got too serious, however this wouldn't be that last bit of self inflicted stupidness I would do.