My Diabulimia

I moved to the same school as A, which made the fights to be honest even worse and more public, but we both struggled on together fighting, making up, him trying to get me to eat, me not injecting. It ended up pretty twisted. We fought so badly one day that I went off bought a litre bottle of vodka and downed the lot, ending up in hospital for the second time due to booze, they thought at one point my oxygen levels where so low and my blood sugar so high they where going to have to send me to London to ventilate me, but somehow I did pull through without the drastic measures. However looking back I was such a stupid 13 year old.

I am still mates with A; he said that when I had a high blood sugar it was like nuclear PMT, I even hit him a few times which I feel awful for now. The fights where so awful and I cheated, I lied, I felt like shit, and I could see very well anymore honestly it was the worst price in the world to be thin. In the end I broke up with A and that was pretty hard because I had so much emotional baggage with him but I must have messed with his head so badly on the account I was so insane myself.

I dated two other guys after A, each one ending in disaster. And me and A at that point fought allot, I was angry all the time still because the blood sugar must have been HI on a regular basis, I even threatened to put my cigarette in A's eye. Which is an awful thing to do I also head-butted a girl I didn't get on with which was an awful thing to do. As the fights with A where VERY public in school the school had to step in with me, and they discovered my past, I confided in Mr B. and Mrs I. and they where very helpful to me, better than any of the crappy councillors I had ever had, plus I could trust them, When I self-harmed they would clean my wounds for me to stop them getting infected and Mrs. I's daughter was a type one diabetic so she was the first person apart from my parents to acknowledge the problem and help my tackle it. Even though I hated it at the time I was made to go to the medical room each lunch to do my blood sugar check and my injection and then they would watch me eat my lunch. Honestly in contrast to my first secondary school where most of the teachers didn't even know that I had diabetes, this was incredible. Because my blood sugar had been so high for so long if my blood sugar went to even 10 I would feel like I was having a hypo, but slowly and surely my blood sugars got better. I started council ling at the school with SP as well who honestly is more of a friend than a councillor. And Mr B. and Mrs I. and the school nurse SD where amazed at my progress, I don't think that all my mental problems where caused by the diabulimuia but it definitely made it worse, as my blood sugars came to being normal I could think straight for the first time in years. I could see again.

I also made a huge discovery. As I could actually think straight I realised that I am a lesbian. It was why I liked playing more boyish games as a kid, it basically explained allot. Some people have asked me do I think it was because of the sexual assault and all the mental problems I've had. The simple answer is HELL NO. I believe you are born gay. It's not a choice because if it was the kind of thing you could choose then I guess that because it's the way you brain works then you could also decide that you don't want your immune system to attack your pancreas!