hey steph, ive had diabetes for 25 years. my little brother also has diabetes. my father had diabetes. he doesnt have it anymore because hes dead. he died at 43 because he didnt take care of himself. he had 4 heart attacks, 6 strokes, kidney dialysis, complete kidney failure, a kidney transplant, his hands amputated, and he died. ive had it for a long time and ive been through that a few times. i saw that and that kinda woke me up. and i dont want to see or hear about that happening to you, or any other diabetic. any other diabetic is like family to me. try one thing at a time.   what you need to do is try rewarding yourself. for example. you check your blood sugar 4 times a day every day for a week. i dont care what your results are, you just do it. if you do it, you buy yourself a new pair of shoes, or a new book or whatever it is you want. if you're checking your blood sugars, youre going to do whatever it is you need to do to get them right. about 9 months ago i went for a while when i wasnt checking my blood sugars, just taking insulin and eating what i wanted. and i felt like crap. just start checking your blood sugar, and everything else will fall into place.