Diabetes, Parental Sorrow and Depression

As a parent of a small child with diabetes also, I have to say I completly understand the desire not to help them control it, but to fix it for them. Diabetes can be an exhausting and draining disease to deal with, and as a parent it really is your disease to manage. When my daughter was first diagnosed I went through all the usual, why my child, its not fair feelings, but on the whole I accepted it, and as I am a practical person by nature, I made it my business to deal with it as efficently as possible. I fixated on managing diet, insulin and blood sugars. I learned every little piece of info I could. But after a year and a half of doing my best I am now feeling completly worn down by this disease. Not matter how hard I try or how strick I am on diet and shots, she still has high days, and unexpected lows, and the lack of control is frustrating. Thw worst part is knowing that she may never be free of this disease, and that no matter how hard I try, diabetes will always be something extra for her to cope with, and I know that even at 6 its affecting her confidence and stopping her from doing stuff her friends take for granted, like sleepovers, or eating freely at birthday parties. The seriousness of diabetes is only truely understood by parents.

Thank you for this article.  I always knew of my personal suffering and the toll my son's T1 has taken on me, but I never allowed myself permission to validate my level of sadness, anxiety, fear, isolation, and emotional anguish that has become who I am... 15 years of pergutory, somewhere between the hopes of heavan and the pains of hell.  RoseanneD. 

Hi Mrs. Benjet: I couldn't help but read your past post. Yes, you are correct on all counts (as you know). When diabetes occurs in the child, it is a family disease and everyone becomes involved. I see this on a daily basis and worry about the parents that are having sleepless nights, worrying about low blood sugars and future (hopefully avoidable) complications. As a caregiver, I am well aware of the stress that becomes part of family life. I also worry about how the diabetes affects the relationship between spouses. Depression is out there and sadly, many families experience major turmoil resulting in deep schisms and in many cases, divorce and separation. Counseling is essential for all family members as well as the child. Your post was splendid describing symptoms and services available.

My best regards and wishes for happy new year,

DrCogen

I wrote this blog to normalize feelings of sadness and frustration that many parents have and to let them know that they are not alone.  More importantly I wrote it to emphasize we do not have to live in a state of sadness and frustration, and definitely not with depression.  As a mental health professional I know that depression responds to treatment.  The diabetes diagnosis does not equal depression.  Seek help if you are stuck – many parents do get stuck, but many, many more move beyond the diagnosis and enjoy their role as parents first and foremost while doing a “good enough” job managing their child’s diabetes.  Seek positive role models  who excel and enjoy life despite diabetes.  Seek out positive parents and support groups that don’t drain you and leave you fearful about diabetes.  Talk to your child’s medical team and believe them when they say you are doing a good job with your child and take their advice when the diabetes is challenging.

I am so grateful to have stumbled upon this article.  My son was diagnosed a little over a month ago.  I have experienced every emotion that you have listed.  I have felt overwhelmed, isolated, sad, angery, a sense of loss.  It is now nice to know that I am not the only one.  We are taking it day by day and doing to best we can!

Great article about a subject that's all too often swept under the rug and ignored until it becomes a crisis or there seems to be no resolution.  If there is such strong evidence of the link between diabetes and depression, why isn't counseling a part of the regular clinical visits, on equal importance with the visits with diabetic educators and nutritionists?  After more than a decade of fighting this disease with both of our children, I can attest to the crumbling of our relationships.  The stigma that unfortunately often accompanies an admission of a problem, as well as cost issues due to poor insurance coverage, prevent seeking help - if it were an automatic facet of the treatment plan, those hurdles could be bypassed.