I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes the day before i turned 12. It was almost comical as i sat terrifed at the idea of needles for the rest of my life (i had a record of nine nurses holding me down for my first insulin shot) I was gripping my backpack for dear life, because the contents inside suddenly became contraband (two mega-sized pixie sticks). I am 23 and the picture of what not to do, i've been playing chicken with my life. My a1c has been in the double digits for years, and only came down to a healthy 6 when some asshole hit and ran me with his car. I 've been battling depression ever since, and am now taking some time away from college to take care of my crippled knee, my mental health, and my diabetes. My friend told me recently that i walk around with a death wish, she's right. With my damned luck i didn't expect to live past 22. I'm also an artist/actress/writer/your waitress for this evening. I'm getting a BFA in worthless and live in nyc. I have put my family through alot as well as myself. I want to live, so i know i need to make some serious life changes, but does this also mean i have to give up being who i am, and bury my artistic drive, cancel out my wanderlust, to explore and live all around the world?! Wow i know this is a lot and most of you are shaking your heads, i've done this to myself, i know what i deserve and am not making exscuses. I just need some support and advice. Do i need to give up my dreams and aspirations because they don't come with health insurance? Am i the only one who wants to throw that damned dexcom monitering device in the river, because my damn fingers are sore as hell, i took my blood suger 43 times today to calibrate it, and there is still nothing on the screen. Does anyone else think it's hilareous when they read studies about depression and diabetes, when they say they cant make the scientific connection, seriously?! Do other diabetics struggle with eating disorders? Does anyone else get annoyed to the point of being pissed off, when a stranger says you should some random herbal website, that these herbs might cure you!!!!!! Or when they say "My dog has diabetes." This is the end om hy intro/rant. Hello out there and goodnight.
