I don't like my husband when he has low blood sugars!

By Tracy Friday, February 22, 2008

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My husband and I have been together for 10 years--he has had diabetes since he was 2. We have two daughters--4 years and 6 months. In the past couple of months, his diabetes has really begun to wear me down. He only occasionally has episodes of low blood sugar, but the recent ones he has had have not been easy. The last one he had, he was teasing my 4 year old daughter to the point that she was crying. A couple of times, he has been mean and verbally abusive to me. Other times he gets defensive when I tell him that his blood sugar is low--he thinks I overreact, but 90% of the time I am right.

It's to the point that I am harboring a strong dislike toward him several days after his episodes. I wish he would just listen or believe me when I tell him that I believe he is low. I wish he would not be so defensive about it. If I tell him that I think he is low, and he is not low then I have to take a lot of grief about being wrong. I try to tell him that I would rather be safe than sorry, but it goes in one ear and out the other ear.

To be honest, he has been this way from the beginning. It just seems now I am taking it more to heart and not in the mood to expend so much energy on helping him. Maybe it's because my 4 year old is starting to notice when his sugars drop, and she is becoming more aware of his diabetes. Or that he has targeted her when he has been low.

Do all diabetics act like he does--defensive about being told their blood sugar might be low? Or is this unique to him? I think things would be better if I tell/suggest to him that he may be low, he checks his blood sugar and snacks. But the routine is I tell him, he gets defensive and after some nagging he checks his blood sugar or eats. Again, I think I am pretty good about recognizing the signs--I have even been on the phone with him and told him he was low, and he has been.

Before I wind down on my rant, I will say he maybe gets low once a week to once every 10 days. Out of that, he is the one who notices it and takes care of it. All of this only happens, when I am the one who notices the low blood sugar--he gets really defensive. Sometimes during his lows, he can be mean, but sometimes he can also be the easiet person in he world to take care of.

If anyone has suggestions, advice, input, I would greatly appreciate it.

Living with a Type I diabetic

Comments (18) | Add comment

Vicki M

2/22/08 4:07pm

Hi Tracy,

Well first of all, welcome to the group!! I am sorry you are feeling bad towards your husband because of how he's been behaving, but if it makes you feel any better, apparently it's not uncommon. As far as I have seen it's more prevalent in Type 1 diabetics than it is in Type 2's, but I did find several message threads where people were talking about their experiences with moodiness and mood swings. You can read one of those postings here. In the posting, many of the members are talking about the same thing you are experiencing with your husband.

Here is a posting from Gus, a man who admits if he does not get his mood swings in control he's going to lose his family. I certainly hope that is not the case, but it will give you some insight and a feeling that you are not alone.

I am not sure what to tell you about how to treat your husband, or what to do when he acts this way. Is it possible to go with him to the doctor and tell the doctor what is happening? It is apparently a common symptom. Perhaps the doctor could speak to him about this and let him know he's darned lucky to have someone who cares!

I am a type 2 diabetic, but I don't recall having any mood swings associated with low blood sugar because I can feel it coming on and I eat. Willingly! lol. When I go low, I get shaky and I talk too fast, then my kids and my s.o. will let me know to eat something if I have not done something or said something. I don't remember being mean (but then I have children who would argue that point, haha)

Kim Benjet is a caregiver. Her son has diabetes. She writes about the experiences of a friend who is now 50 who remembers the mood swings his mother experienced when they were kids. You can read that article here.

I hope you found some of this information helpful. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Be well!

Vicki M

Tracy

2/22/08 4:51pm

Vicki,

Thank you! It's good to read that there are other people out there that are coping with what I am going through.

Tracy

Vicki M

2/25/08 10:26pm

Hi Tracy,

I am glad that the information here helped you. It's always nice to know you are not alone in dealing with particularly difficult medical issues.

There are lots of great people who all have information to share. If you are having a great day, let us know! We'd love to hear what's working for you and your husband. If you are having a particularly challenging day, we also want to hear from you. Perhaps someone here is going through exactly what you are going through and would benefit from hearing from you or having something new to suggest.

Let us know how things are going after your husband's doctor's appointment!

Take care and be well!

Vicki M

Bionic Diabetic

2/23/08 11:35am

Tracy: I'm sure you know that many Type 1's lose the ability to detect low blood sugars (it's called hypoglycemia unawareness), and that the more episodes you have the less you feel or recognise the usual symptoms. In many people, low blood sugars bring on irritability, crankiness, and extreme stubborness. My friends and family have learned to do this when they see I'm low and won't take care of it myself:

-They are firm, but kind, when they urge me to have a little juice (I react badly and get even more stubborn when I think they are being mean to me);

-They remind me that even if I'm NOT low, taking some juice and going high for a short time is much safer than continuing to go low;

-They remind me that I can't always feel the symptoms, but that they can see them;

-They remind me that untreated hypoglycemia can result in a seizure, and even death;

-They threaten to call the ambulance. That almost always works!

Getting good control back is something only your husband can do for himself. It can't be forced on him. I bet a reminder that he has children who love him and need him healthy would be good motivation.

Best of luck to you.

Beth

Tracy

2/23/08 11:30pm

Beth,

Thank you--I had not heard of hypoglycemia unawareness, but after reading about it, my husband's behavior does make sense. For the past couple of months he has been having 1 to 2 low blood sugars a week, and sometimes he notices them and sometimes he does not. The ones he has noticed have been consistent with the times that his blood sugars were running a little high.

He has a doctor's appointment this week, so I am going to have ask more about the unawareness--just so he can have a professional opinion and not something I read from the internet.

I am just glad to know that other diabetics do behave like he does and it's not just him. Unfortunately, I only know one other diabetic, and it's my husband's grandma, and she is type 2. Her blood sugars rarely run low--mostly high.

Again, many thanks,

Tracy

Bionic Diabetic

2/24/08 11:45am

"Bad behavior" such as irritibility, crankiness, and stubborness during a low blood sugar episode is embarrassing, especially when that's not your usual behavior. For someone with long-term Type 1 diabetes, making a renewed commitment to good control, which may bring back some of the awareness of low blood sugars, is really really hard. No-one can make you do it, and once you start trying harder you understand how much work it takes. I guarantee it's worth it though.

The hardest part for me was getting more comfortable with other people (on my health care "team") seeing all my numbers, and seeing the records of what I ate. I was very private about those things, and still am, but now I understand that the people who help me take care of myself need to see details of how my food, carbs, and insulin are actually working.

I bet your husband will feel better about the whole management thing once he feels like HE is in charge. How much he shares will depend on him.

Best of luck.

Beth

Anonymous

2/25/08 12:48pm

I have been a type 1 diabetic for 22 years. I, too, get extremely moody when my blood sugars go low, to the point even of really making the people around me angry. However, this doesn't happen every time. What people don't understand is this. Having low blood sugar is very much like being intoxicated. The feelings are very similar. The mind set is very similar. And there can be issues with memory loss at times. At times of low blood sugar I am not rationally thinking. Instead of explaining to the person that they need to eat something or that they should check their blood sugar, I would suggest saying something like "Honey, I'm going to make myself such and such snack to eat, would you like some too?" This is what I tell my friends to do with me. I take no offense to this and am usually glad to eat whatever I am given. They end up sort of tricking me into eating something, which usually works great. It's the being told you're out of control part that makes things difficult. I also tell people to try just handing me something and telling me to eat it. This also works. No discussion on my blood sugar being low, just tell me to eat what you give me. Then, when I come back to my senses, I am able to fuction enought to check my blood sugar as needed. Hope this makes sense and helps.

Vicki M

2/29/08 11:48am

Hi Anonymous,

It's good you have a support system of friends and family around to help you manage. Sometimes the hardest thing to see is that which is closest to us. We are so busy in life, we forget about living and making sure we're taking care of ourselves.

I like the idea that your friends coax you into eating something without being confrontational or demanding. That is a great approach.

David Mendosa has an article here called "What Makes My Blood Glucose Go Up And Down" You can read the whole article here. In the article he talks about using a continuous read glucose meter to monitor blood sugars. This device is mostly for type 1's like yourself and seems like a good idea for folks who prefer not to test all the time.

Anyway, hope this is helpful. Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing!

Vicki M

steve marston

2/27/08 1:34pm

Hello Tracy,

Know what you are talking about and it can be difficult. I am a type 1 but by nature i am a laid back person. Not so much with low sugars but i notice it with high blood sugars. obviously lots going on in the body when this happens. Diabetes is a very difficult thing to tightly control if

you are not testing often. our weakness is our will sometimes to keep control, say a cke here and a sweet there. If thats not off set with say exercise or Insulin up go the blood sugars. before u know it you are hyper. (in my case) It is also difficult for you as well. All i can say is that sometimes i have to have a quiet time to myself to reflect on what is going on and re-assess and try to take tighter control.

I hope this has been of benifit to you.

SteveMarston.blogspot.com

Anonymous

3/ 3/08 12:40am

you all are lucky women, my husband does not even know his numbers he refuse to check his blood sugars, he has been very very sick in the past, so sick we lost our house, we live with his mother, I am very unhappy about this, my husband does not care, his mother does not understand diabetes, it does not run in their family, he got it from having pancrestitis, he never drink liquor, the Dr.'s never knew were it came from, sorry to dump all this on you. could his behavor be from him having diabetes and not feeling good most of the time. some one answer me..

Tracy

3/ 3/08 11:52am

Yes, his attitude/mood could definitely be from his blood sugars. My husband can be extremely irritable with high blood sugars and with low blood sugars he can be mean.

He really needs to check his blood sugars, and he needs to start caring. Diabetes, if untreated, can lead to a lot of health problems. A good doctor should be working with him.

Good luck!

Tracy

3/ 3/08 12:00pm

Last week, my husband was better. He has taken some of my advice regarding the unawareness of being low--letting his blood sugars run a little high (around 150). He did very well until Saturday evening. He was cooking dinner, and he told me that he did not understand the recipe and asked if I could read it. When I read the recipe to him, he still could not understand. I asked him to check his blood sugar. He did and told me it was 138--I did not doublecheck his reading--I did not want to have an argument. When he again tried reading the recipe, he could not read it--words were fuzzy--he decided to re-check his blood sugar. Fortunately, his glucometer will show his last reading when it's turned on. He had misread -- he was 38. He snacked and was fine. However, during his "lowness," he had given my daughter some medicine for her ear infection, so I had to quiz him to make sure he gave her the right dose.

It's scary at times. When he knows he has to be checking and be cautious, he is--which is throughout the week, and if I am not around.

He seems not as cautious when we are at home on the weekends--unless he really has to be.

His other problem is he has sleep apnea, so he is also cranky.

Anonymous

3/ 3/08 11:24pm

I can't even get him to a Dr. I get his meds for him, he takes his shot and his high blood pressure meds. I told him he needs to see his Dr.

Anyway I have no help from his mother of other family members. I am think of leaving him it is to much at my age. what about my life

Tracy

3/ 4/08 9:51am

Did your husband develop diabetes after you were married? If he does not go to the doctor, how does he know how much insulin to take?

My husband has been living with diabetes since he was 2, so in my case, he knows what to do and he knows how to seek treatment. He's just a butthead when his sugars are out of whack.

I am no expert, but I am sure it's very frustrating that your husband does not want to take care of himself. Can you talk to his doctor? Is t here a support group at your local hospital?

Also, when I told my husband that I had signed up this blog/board, he seemed to take notice that I was really concerned. He has not read any of the comments, but he seems to be trying hard to improve.

I wish you the best of luck.

Vicki M

3/ 8/08 11:16am

Hello,

Your husband is diabetic, and you mentioned he had been very ill before. What are the other issues or illnesses. It is possible his attitude and unwillingness to take part in his own care stems from a larger issue involving other conditions. Perhaps if you sat him down and let him know how you are feeling and that you are rather desperate, he will listen? Please do stay in touch and let us know how you (and he) are doing!

Vicki M

Renopup

3/ 8/08 9:24pm

Tracy,

I'm going through the same thing. My husband was diagnosed when he was 9 - now 46. We've been married for 20 years. Yes, it's the highs and lows. When he's high he'll go and pick fights with our 3-year-old dalmatian and then get furious when she growls at him. Even says that if she actually bites him -- which he goes out of his way to provoke -- he'll "kick her teeth in." And then when I JUMP in to ensure that nothing of the sort is going to take place, it's "Shut the hell up. You're always yelling at me. You're provoking my attitude. Listen to you."

Then he'll run the other way and provoke fights when he's got low blood sugar because "We couldn't live the way we are now if it weren't for HIS job. He hates his job, but since I'm making less than he does and actually my job (I'm a certified court reporter, which isn't easy, but I do love it), I'm so much less than he is because he brings in more $$ than I do. Of course, I trying to bite my tongue (used to even actually go to the extent of taking Paxil 'cause I wanted not to get into this), but, yup, that button was pushed too often, and I refused to put up with keeping quiet.

There's no reason for him not accepting his responsiblity for his behavior. What's up with that? It's not like we haven't been labeled wtih the PSM long enough and even admit to it (see the Paxil above) but enough is enough. When and where do we go to get help for this? This is really getting old.

You know, if there were some kind of responsiblity taken and actual apologies given for his outlandous behavior, that would help a bit, but, no, I'm always the one he sees as proviking it. Yeah, and he's the one with the diabetes! Go fish. I guess I'll have to take it up with our pastors at church.

Thanx for your broad shoulders for listening.

Anne

betty

8/29/08 1:39am

Do you ever think your significant other is faking it for attention??? I've had a couple friends use their diseases for attention and a couple times my gut tells me he is. I've seen him super low before so I know he gets moody & completely disoriented, it's scary.

But there are a couple times when I feel like I'm being played. And I know no two low spells are the same... but tonight I called 911 because he (we're a long distance relationship) sounded low. I honestly didn't believe him... so I figured I'd call 911, they'll either get there & there will be something seriously wrong (God forbid!) or I'll call his bluff. Everytime I say I'm going to call 911, he sounds fine "No, why would you do that!?" And when I call them, they arrive... he calls me sounding completely fine & asks why I called them.

So I'm ridiculously angry because he had to of been faking it... and he calls me a zillion times, sounds fine... it's a long dramatic story. But how do you believe them!!?? I mean, there have been legitimate situations I've been in where I've seen him super low. But because we're long distance I don't see him everyday...and I can't ask you all to tell me whether or not I should trust him. But more info on the disease would be helpful. Any other time that's been serious I've been there to watch him eat or drink something... this time... ugh. I just don't know.

Any advice?

Sincerely,

Dumbfounded

Tracy

8/29/08 9:10am

Sometimes I feel like I have a 6th sense for determining when my husband is low. He is amazed at how I can tell he is low over the phone. There has only been one time that I have been wrong when we have been talking on the phone. I actually called our neighbor to go over and make him check his sugar level. Usually, on the phone at least I know he is not super low because he is still coherent enough to speak to me. He usually is distracted or not fully "there." I can usually convince him to have a snack or check his blood sugar. Also, when he is on the phone with me, it's usually when he is either at work or driving, so he adheres to my advice.

Has your relationship been mostly long distance? The reason why I ask is because it took a while for me to pick up on cues that he was low (unless he was super low). We lived together for a while before I could pick up on cues that his blood sugar was dropping. Being around him and noticing how he acts, you realize when to recognize the drops or even the highs.

Just to note, there is a research study going on to determine if dogs can notice low blood sugars. We are trying to determine if our own dog notices. She did wake me up one night when he was having a very low blood sugar episode.

I don't like my husband when he has low blood sugars!

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