Sex, Diabetes and Relationships
You all don't know me as well as my family does, and if you did you would know that I am the biggest prude when it comes to talking about SEX. Seriously, my heart is racing, my face is beat red and I feel like my body is on fire right now typing this. I am completely and utterly embarrassed at the thought of my Dad running into this post and knowing that his oldest "married" daughter has sex. Youch.
Ok, that being said. "Lets talk about Sex Baby, Let's talk about you and me!" That was my best Salt N' Pepa impression. I honestly couldn't help it. Sorry.
Before I get started I want to give you a little background about my husband and I (pre-marriage) that will hopefully serve as a crash course on our relationship.
My husband (Mike) and I we were really good friends before we got married. We met at our first job back in 1998. He was a reporter, and I was in the art department. (Destiny right?) On my first day, I remember seeing him from my desk and I had an instant crush on him. He may not admit this but, I know that he liked me as soon as he met me too! Even if I was a bit mean to him. They say you are always mean to the people you like, right?
Now fast forward to November of 2000 when I was diagnosed with diabetes. While we were still working together and still friends we hadn’t been speaking for a while because of a fight (more likely than not over something stupid). I remember Mike telling me that when he found out from someone at work that I was diagnosed, he was really upset and scared because his mother had died from complications due to diabetes.
When we actually started dating, probably around two years later, I had just started using the insulin pump after being on multiple daily injections. Naturally, it took a while for me to get adjusted to the pump. There was so much calculating, (I hate math) but I did get the hang of it fairly quickly. Having a piece of machinery connected to you 24/7 can feel a bit intrusive. At times I felt self conscience, so I started wearing longer shirts to cover it. (I always wear the pump on the outside of my pants)
Mike and I decided we were going to take our friendship to the next level. So we started dating. FINALLY!!!!!!!!
I remember the first time Mike and I were intimate together (dear God I hope my dad isn't reading this) We had dinner I think it was at this place called Sweetwaters. We had shrimp cocktail, steak and beer. I am so classy right? (If I am wrong about this Mike is going to be really mad after reading this)
We then went back to his place but instead of feeling really excited, I started feeling more embarrassed than ever. I went into his bathroom and I looked at myself, then I looked at my pump, then at the infusion set in my stomach. I thought, "God, I look so ugly. He is not going to want to touch me.” I just wanted to look and feel beautiful but, I didn't feel that way at all. All of these emotions started to run wild through my head like a tornado. Needless to say I was getting really nervous.
Then the avalanche of horrible thoughts started falling:
He is going to think I look horrible.
Where do I put my pump?
What if it gets tangled? (The pump wire I mean, I know we are talking about sex here but get your heads out of the gutter)
What if it gets pulled out? (Again, we’re talking about the pump here people)
Will my blood sugar drop?
Do I have an extra set in my bag?
Should I put juice on the night stand?
Where is my meter?
Oh my goodness you have no idea how stressful that night was for me. I mean if you had to wear an external piece of machinery odds are you would totally be paranoid too.
But, the best part was nothing bad happened. My pump didn't fall out, I didn't go low (that time). The only real problem was that It did take a bit of manuvering at first. The awkwardness of "our first time together" and our first time with our new third wheel, Mr. Pump made it even doubly awkward. The best thing for us was to just leave it on the side of us, and if we moved around Mr. Pump had to come along with us to the other side. (Wow! talk about TMI right?) There are other options like disconnecting, but I personally don't really like disconnecting my pump. I always end up having really high blood sugars after, and you don't know how long it will actually be disconnected. You can also purchase a thigh or leg pouch. It doesn't look that sexy but, it probably would keep it out of the way. Not my preference either.
Mike didn't care about my pump or about me having diabetes. He cared about me as a person who happens to have diabetes. The first thing he did was kiss me then my pump site. Told me how beautiful I was and how he had a stash of candies in his drawer just in case of a low blood sugar. I thought that was so thoughtful.
That is when all of my insecurities went away. I have never felt self conscience or insecure with him since that night. I know that it doesn't matter to him that I have diabetes. He loves me for me, with diabetes, my insulin pump, and I can't forget the newest addition to our family the CGM!