New Year's Resolutions

Gretchen Becker Health Guide
  • [humor]


    ‘Tis the season to make New Year’s resolutions. Most people don’t stick with their resolutions, nor do I, but I sometimes make them anyway just so I feel like part of the human race. This year, the first two are recycled. I make them every year and never manage to keep them. But one should never give up.


    Take up smoking. Every popular press article giving tips for better health says you should give up smoking and you’ll be much healthier. But you can’t give up something you’ve never done, so I want to take up smoking so I can give it up and get much healthier. It’s been on my list for years, but I just haven’t managed to do it.

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    Grow 6 inches. If I grew just 6 inches, I’d have a fantastic BMI, or body mass index, an indication of whether or not you’re considered overweight. I could do the same by losing weight, but growing seems like less trouble. Even a child can do it.


    Eat more. Everyone tells us to eat less. But eating less just makes us hungry, and then we’re tempted by foods that raise our blood sugar. Maybe the answer is to eat more instead. If I ate more of the low-carb foods that work for me, I wouldn’t want to eat the things I shouldn’t.


    Watch my portion sizes. And make sure they’re big if I want to eat more.


    Eat fewer vegetables.   I love vegetables, and I’ve learned that the nonstarchy vegetables like broccoli and greens actually have more taste than the starchy ones like potatoes and peas, which I no longer crave. But dieticians say we should to eat more fruits and vegetables, and I don’t have room for fruit. If I ate fewer veggies and more sugary fruits like apples and pineapples, my A1c would rise, I’d have more complications, and that would give my doctors more work. It’s always nice to give people employment.


    Get less exercise. The health experts all say that exercising will make us feel so much better and we’ll have so much more energy. But exercise just wears me out and makes me want to take a nap. Maybe if I got less exercise I’d have a lot more energy. I can’t wait.


    Don’t go to the gym. The closest gym to my house is about 40 miles round trip. This means that going to the gym wastes precious fuel, so I resolve to avoid going to the gym as much as possible. In fact, I’ve never gone to the gym. I’d much rather get exercise by working around my place or taking walks. But I resolve not to take up the wasteful gym habit.


    Get more stress into my life. My lifestyle is pretty relaxed. But maybe if I felt more stressed I’d be more motivated to make the changes to my lifestyle I’ve outlined here.


    Spend less time with family. Interactions with relatives can be stressful, and I suppose seeing more of family members might help me get more stress into my life.


    Spend more time watching TV. I’m addicted to reading books and journals, especially those concerning diabetes, and I understand that addiction is a terrible thing. So I resolve to watch more silly TV programs instead. I can beat this addiction if I try.


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    Well, I think that’s enough. Except for the second resolution, I think almost everyone could keep these. I’ll get back to you next year and let you know how I did with growing 6 inches.




Published On: January 05, 2014