Now that Barack Obama is about to become our new President, dedicated to hope and change, it seems as if everyone has some suggestions for how he can carry out these goals. Looking at the numerous suggestions, it struck me that instead of "What can I do for Obama?" most people are thinking, "What can Obama do for me?"
I hate to be left out when it comes to bandwagons (when the Diabetes Epidemic grew in the 1990s, I immediately jumped on), so I thought I'd propose a few suggestions for change that I hope Obama will deal with in his first 90 days as President.
1. Support research to prove that high blood sugar is good for you. I'm sure they can find evidence for this if they really try. Just as they tell obese people they can lose weight if they really try.
2. Limit high-paying jobs to people with medically diagnosed diabetes. People who don't have to buy expensive testing strips can afford to work for less.
3. Outlaw exercise. Mandate naps. Taking a short afternoon nap reduces heart disease risk.
4. Make it a criminal offense to publish pornographic photos of thin young couples jogging on a beach while wearing expensive designer outfits. Also outlaw photos of middle-aged couples beaming as they prepare healthy salads in what appear to be upscale kitchens.
5. Modify the Meals on Wheels program to be a Low-Carb Meals on Sleds program for those of us low-carbers who live out in the boonies where it snows a lot.
6. Prohibit disease. This would mean we'd all be healthy and health care costs would plummet.
7. Change the standard aproach for type 2 from Diet & Exercise to Eating & Lounging. I'll bet the compliance rate with this new treatment would skyrocket, except for Health Central blogger David Mendosa, who would continue to climb mountains no matter how much we told him not to.
8. Crack down on drug dealers. By this I mean pharmaceutical companies who make obscene profits on their drugs. Open Big Pharma Rehab Centers, where they could sit around in encounter groups explaining why they need so much money.
9. Make it illegal for thin people to suggest how fat people can lose weight. Impose large fines on newspaper reporters who write about the "obesity epidemic." Urge reporters to write about the frightening "fitness epidemic" and how we can control that instead.
10. Oh yes. Also stop all wars, end world hunger, reduce taxes while increasing services, and make everyone wealthy except a few people who couldn't get any other jobs so they would be eager to move to my place, clean my house, shovel out my barn, and do garden and yard work for next to nothing. I'd provide the lawn mower.
Obama has a pretty big job ahead of him.
Published On: January 13, 2009