Miracle Foods for Diabetes Deserve Skepticism

Gretchen Becker Health Guide
  • [Humor]


    Almost every day, it seems, we see a "news" article in which one food is named as having great benefit for people with diabetes, or those at risk. For example, blueberries, milk, lean beef, and now pork.


    When you look closely, you always find that the "research" was supported by some food marketing group, in the pork case, Australian Pork Limited and the Pork Cooperative Research Centre.


    In fact, the propaganda about the benefits of the miracle food are sometimes emphasized so much it's difficult to see what's new in the research the press release is discussing.


    Because these press releases all seem to follow a pattern, I decided to write a generic press release that specialty food producers and marketers can use in the future, substituting their food for "Gretchen's Candy Bar" and their names and institutions for the one in the template. As follows:

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    Gretchen's Candy Bars Could Cure Diabetes


    A very low calorie diet combined with a daily 10-mile run and one Gretchen's Candy Bar after the run could prevent diabetes or reverse the disease in people already diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.


    Type 2 diabetes is becoming epidemic and is associated with obesity, which is also increasing worldwide. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the beta cells in the pancreas that produce insulin are destroyed. Type 2 diabetes is associated with insulin resistance, in which the insulin is not effective.


    This study was performed by leading researcher Gretchen Becker and colleagues at the prestigious Swamp Hill Farm Research Center, which has produced numerous other groundbreaking research studies such as the one that showed that lamb roasts faster when you remember to turn the oven on.


    The research was supported by a generous grant from the Gretchen's Candy Company, which produces candy bars in 4 delicious flavors: chocolate, mocha, raspberry, and garlic. The bars are available at stores nationwide and can also be purchased online from major distributors.


    "This study shows that a prudent diet and exercise program combined with Gretchen's Candy Bars can be beneficial in fighting this terrible epidemic of diabetes," said Gretchen's Candy Company president and chief study researcher Becker. "It also opens the way for new research to find drugs that will mimic the effects of exercise."


    "It's truly groundbreaking," said Oscar Befuddled, the guy who delivers the mail to Swamp Hill Farm. "I never realized before that candy bars would cure diagetes. I'll have to eat more of them."


    In the groundbreaking research that showed the benefit of eating Gretchen's Candy Bars, a group of overweight people with type 2 diabetes were put on a very low (750) calorie diet and expected to run 10 miles a day, with a Gretchen's Candy Bar after every run. The control group maintained their fast-food diet of approximately 5000 calories a day and avoided all exercise. They also did not eat Gretchen's Candy Bars.


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    The test group that ate Gretchen's Candy Bars did better on all measures of weight and blood glucose control than the control group, thus supporting the concept that Gretchen's Candy Bars could cure diabetes.


    The research is expected to be published in the prestigious Journal of Ridiculous Results.





Published On: July 14, 2009