Useless Studies Inhibit Diabetes Research

Gretchen Becker Health Guide
  • [Humor]

     

    It is with great excitement that I announce the creation of the coveted Becker Award for the Most Ho-Hum Research Published in the Recent Past (or BAMHHRPRP, pronounced "bamhhrprp").

     

    The winner this month is a research study that showed that the caffeine in coffee interferes with sleep. Wow! I never knew that! I always thought people drank coffee as a sleep aid. I'm sure glad we have great scientific minds solving difficult puzzles like that.

     

    One runner up is a study showing that in 1898, some lions ate only 35 people, not 135 as rumor had it. This would have been a great relief to the 100 people who, it turned out, were not eaten. But it's too late for them to rejoice. Whether or not their relatives would have been relieved as well is unclear.

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    If you were planning on keeping some man-eating lions (lions probably don't eat women because their jewelry would be difficult to digest) in your back yard and wanted to know how many people you'd need to provide for their dinner every week, I suppose this information would be useful. But is this really where I want my science research tax dollars to go?

     

    The other runner-up is a study that, according to the abstract on PubMed, "may be an important health strategy for reducing the compliance of diabetic patients." I'm glad researchers are finally realizing that making people with diabetes less compliant is a laudable goal. For example, when your dietician tells you to eat as much starch as you can, becoming less compliant is a good thing.

     

    However, because this study was done in Korea, I can't complain that they're wasting our tax dollars.

     

    Stay tuned for next month's exciting BAMHHRPRP award. The prize is being strapped into a chair while someone lectures you about why you need to lose weight.

     

     

     

     

Published On: November 13, 2009