I am still so stressed!

By LadyMagnolia1963 Monday, August 04, 2008

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Nothing bad has happened today-I just feel so stressed over my Diabetes. I got up this morning around 6:00 a.m. I checked my fasting sugar and it was an amazing 112! I ate 2 "FiberOne bars" and went back to sleep around 7:30 a.m. Usually I stay up for the day. But today I didn't feel like dealing with the world. So I slept till 2:30 p.m. It's not hard for me to sleep-it's my "escape." I am on depression meds and have been for almost 15 years now. I don't think it's meds/depression-maybe it is and I'm just in denial??? But I have always used sleep as an escape, even when I was way younger. I am so scared of having diabetes!

Everything I read is so negative. I just got my first "Diabetes Forecast" magazine yesterday. I decided to start reading it today-bad idea. Most all the articles I read were depressing. All I hear about is kidney failure, kidney disease, heart disease, foot ulcers, amputation, do this but don't do that, eat this and stay away from this., good fat verses bad fat, eat more protein less carbs and on and on it goes.

I am trying everything I know to educate myself, eat right and keep my numbers under control. But I constantly worry if I am getting enough of the right foods from every food group.

Some times I just starve myself-but that dosen't work either, because your sugar still goes up.

I am a little stressed as hubby and I are going to see my Dr. tomorrow afternoon. Today's numbers were good. But it's a daily struggle. I am so.o.o.o worried that he's going to put me on insulin. We have no medical insurance and I can't even imagine what insulin cost!

I take two diabetic meds already. Metformin 2,000 mg a day and Actos 45 mg a day.

I just wish that there was a small bright side to this diabetes life. I don't want to die early aged and yet the percentage is so high for diabetes patients-woman are more at risk than men actually. I want to see my grand babies grow up, graduate from college and watch them get married.

But it just seems so dooms day right now.

HUGS~Donna

Come by and visit me at MySpace

http://www.myspace.com/ladymagnolia1963

I Need Advice Please

Comments (16) | Add comment

Mary-Anne

8/ 7/08 6:13pm

Hi, I feel the same, ALOT! But your depression probably isn't from your meds or anything else.Its lack of exercise. This is why I'm depressed despite being on anti-depressives.I got put on a nighttime insulin and it's sooooo easy, it doesn't hurt and in Canada, it costs about 40.00 for a 6 month supply. Please take care of yourself, the others in your life need you. Mary-Anne

LadyMagnolia1963

8/11/08 4:21am

Hi Mary-Anne Ü

Sorry it has taken me so long to post. I have been fighting with this bout of oral thrush, and have been so tired! I am on the meds for it-and it helps so much.

I agree with you on the exercising and depression thing. It's because I am in this house 24/7 most every day. We do have a vehicle-but because of my neuropthy in my feet, I can no longer feel the peddle,clutch,gas. And I don't want to endanger anyones life out there just because I wanted to be sellfish.

I am happy to here that your night time insulin is going well for you Ü. I need to move to Canada! My goodness we pay a lot of money here in the US for just 1 months perscription. Take for instance the Mycelex I am on for the oral thrush is over $100.00 for 2 week fill! But because my husband and daughter have it as well it brings the cost to over $220.00 for 2 weeks of meds lol.

But I would pay just about anything to be rid of this.

I am fixing to write a post on a question that I need advice for.

HUGS~Donna

Mary-Anne
Thursday, August 07, 2008 at 06:13 PM

piddler

10/ 8/08 8:46am

Hi Donna! I have just started to read the forum here. Saw yours and connected. Everyday is a struggle.Not just for us who have chronic diseases. Life is a struggle,period. But I think we can make it Sweety! One day at a time is all we can do. I think you have a better handle on what you should do do help your body get balanced. But it is just so greatly overwhelming so much of the time. A lot of what you said sounds like me. I want to be here for my kids and my grandkids.I want them to see me strong and under control of this beasty disease that is called T2-diabetes. I am overweight and have been depressed in the past. I have more than 1 disease to get under control and a couple I have no control over. I am up and down on "I can do it..I'm gonna eat better today...I gotta eat today...I will talk to my Father for sure this mornin'..feel like I can walk a mile today or I can actually clean house and not stare at the wall beside the TV(while it's on!)..I won't snap at my hubby..I won't be selfish today. But I am seeing that I can only survive here as I am and get better physically and emotionally if I DO IT ONE DAY AS IT COMES!! I feel as though I've been in a whirlpool most of my diabetes years and before. I was DX 1995. The year my Dad died. He was borderline diabetic. To me the phrase borderline diabetic is like being a little bit pregnant!! He ignored it much like I've been doing. It's hard and confusing at many levels. I eat what I am able to get cause right now we don't have the ability to get what I should eat. I do the best with what I ahve. At least I don't mess around with getting or not getting my meds. I walked this morning in my backyard. 6:30 in a.m. and I walked around in my yard. It's a start. I feel I will do it again in the a.m. but with my tennis shoes (6 year old+,wholy New Balance shoes my lil sis left me). Maybe we discuss more later if you'd like Donna. You can do it. I'm gonna try.Maybe we can try together if you'd like. Later, Jackie(Piddler)

Lacey Cho

10/22/08 1:23am

Hello Donna and Jackie, as I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself while I surfed the net for some recipes I came across this site and read your comments.. Oh My! My heart goes out to both of you.. I too have type 2 diabetes since May 2008 and being an RN I knew little about caring for this disease.. I had only passed pills and gave insulin to my patients per doctors orders.. Now it hit home.. At first I was depressed to the point of sitting almost comatose for hours at end.. All I could do was think about the food I could no longer eat and want it more than before cokes, candy, bread etc. I was obessed with food.. Then in June I had a mammogram it clearly showed 2 spots one on each breast.. The Diabetes seemed so minor as I worried and stressed over my up coming ultrasound.. I prayed day and night.. Cried with my 2 grown kids, telling them all I wanted out of life was to see them happy, healthy and dance at my 3yr/old grandson's wedding, life seemed so unfair at the time.. At the end of June I had the ultrasound and the spots were noncancerous cystics, it was one of the happiest days of my life.. From that day on I have thanked St. Jude for answered prayers and started educating myself on my diabetes.. It's hard I agree, but it don't have to be..

Most foods my RD suggested spikes my sugars like fruits, beans, and a lot of the vegetables.. I find that keeping it simple works best for me.. I'd really like to keep in touch with the two you by e-mail.. I have some ideas for you Donna on how to get your meds for free or at greatly reduced prices, and Jackie kudos to your exercise you took your first steps :) Lacey

piddler

10/22/08 11:30am

Hi Lacey! Thanks for writing us.Donna and mary-anne.Chronic illness(any illness) can be so overwhelming,right? Todau is the 3rd day I have payed attention to what I eat,what I do or don't do in the home,making sure to go outside with Molly(TFT dog) and just palin pay attention to what it is I'm doing for me not to me. To me would be grabbing a biscuit with butter and jelly or a bag of crackers cause I am upset with someone or just plain am bored.I have done that since a young kid.I believe I learned that from watching what my Dad did when my Mom would go off drinking.Or my Mom would go off drinking cause she could not talk to my Dad cause he would can up or go to the base or go bowling.Sounds to me it was a visious circle of "not gonna handle this right now"..gotta run away first thing. Their way of doing things wore off on me. Cannot say for my sibs or not. Anyways here I am,53,269,T2Dib,hypothyroid,Pulm Fibrotic and Pulm Hypertension. A few more things involved but ,Gee whiz,lets not. I gained 30+ lbs since 9-07.Kids and grandkids living with us till they could do so on their own. That was Feb 2008. Then hubby lost a great paying job.No job to be had here for couple months then he found one that was 80 mi roundtrip that payed less than what he was getting before the job loss.We were only paying for gas and a few groceries.Then he got layed off couple months later and at least got unemployment.Now he has the type job he is skilled for and wages are lots better.Did good on not fretting abt our situation though. During that time is when we found out I had diverticulitis(for over a month I hurt and did not want to know why).Colonoscopy had to be used so had to get clearance with heart Dr cause of the SVTs I was having(palpitations and irregular thigs going on)PCP thought a waste of time to tell all this to the screener for the colonoscopy.Shees! Down the line they found that I have Pulmonary Hypertension at a moderate level.Thru more tests found out I have Pulmonary Fibrosis at mild level. PCP Dr can be quite a joke.Got enough going on but good to know why things were going on with chest pain all this time(5-10 years).ANYWAYS.....3 days and I have loved myself by not giving in to stuffing my face with stuff I do not need. Don't have a lot but eat only what is good for me as diabetic person. Am seeing really great sugar readings and lbs tapering off instead of up and make bigger effort to play with Molly outside or just walk around getting up to more speed(after the grass dries in the a.m.) Yak a lot don't I. I'm a 4 waller and wall starer also. Or was. Recovering.Have been on antidepressants before and they helped.May have to look at taking them again.Lent my car to my grown daughter and son-in-law and now I cannot get the the gym provided by Humana.Went 2 weeks ago and did 1 mile slowly for 31 minutes.Had to watch out for a previously hurt hip. It gave me no problem that day or since. I CAN DO IT!!! I'll hush now and wait to hear from all you guys. piddler alias Jackie

Lacey

10/26/08 12:27am

Hello Jackie, I don't know for sure if you got the last post or not.. I was typing away and the screen went, so if you got it I'm sorry for this repeat, if not I wanted to tell you I am very proud of you for taking that extra step these past few days and getting motivated.. Way To Go!

Along with my Diabetes I am OCD so I like to be in control.. At first I felt the Diabetes was in control and soon became overwhelmed, but now I know I can be in control of it and take great pride in my control each day.. Yes, there are days when I cheat but I try to make them far and few in between and never never get upset at myself for cheating a little..

When I first found out I was Diabetic in May 2008 I called my daughter and had her clear my pantry of all the prepackaged foods, pastas, rice, potatoes, and breads.. I have found simple recipes for low carb breads, cakes, muffins and even candy.. I am lucky my husband has adapted to my diet and looks forward to his meals.. I can't eat a lot of the things most diabetics can, like fruit and some veggies they spike me.. I have found sugar free Jello and a few diced Strawberries make a nice snack that I enjoy daily..

I had to make this life change a challenge and now look forward to creating low carb meals.. I can't change this chronic illness but I refuse to let it change me..

I don't exercise like I should unless my sugars spike from one of my experimental "low carb" recipes LOL.. But I am not trying to lose any weight either, just the diet change has kept me below weight.. My concerns from Diabetes is later in years if not controlled now.. So I do workout a few times a week.. I have some exercise equipment at home..

Do you live somewhere that you can walk? If so, take your dog and start slow, just a block or so, and each day make it a little further before long it will become a habit to walk and you'll see the pounds melt, feel better, and want to do all kinds of new things.. It's amazing what one can do when they feel better about themselves.. Don't let anyone get you down, instead make up your mind that you are in control and go for it.. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Jackie, have a wonderful evening.. I'm looking forward to hearing from again..

Smiles, Lacey

quenston

10/30/08 8:06am

I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in August 2008 at which time I also found out that I had a heart attack! And of course I heard the same thing that everyone hears from there Dr's lose weight, eat less, quit smoking, quit drinking etc.... Well at 28 yrs old I felt well heck I am young and can make it through this so I changed my life just a bit and could not get my sugars under control with just oral medications so my Dr decided that I should be on insulin for a while until I can learn how to better control my sugars. So having a really bad phobia of needles I decided it was time to change my life! I started eating all the right things and done all the things that Dr told me to do! Well I could see a difference in my sugars but was still running above normal. So I joined a fitness club and started exercising and now my sugars are under control and I am losing weight and have never felt better in my life!!!! Diabetes is not fun to deal with but there are many great people here that is willing to lend a ear or a helping hand! My whole poin of babbeling on and on lol is that Diabetes can be beat maybe not cured but can be beat, I want to take this and let anyone know that if they would ever like to talk or just sit around and bs or ask question or just vent please feel free to send me a message! God Bless you all!!!!!

piddler

10/30/08 10:17pm

Hi Lacey! this is soon to be 2 weeks I have changed the way I eat. One little thing at a time. "Spirit in the Sky" was my Dad's fave song. He was in his 70s and still loved that song. Just heard it on "House". I usually go to bed and not stay up late cause of needing to get on my C-PAP machine.But just love to watch "House". Just had a 2nd echo(1st one was in May) to see if this C-PAP is helping the moderate pulmonary hypertension the heart Dr saw on the #1 echo.Not gonna go use the machine till I find out the results Nov 6. I'm still trying to do one day at a time,Lacey.Trying SO HARD not to focus on these medical DXs.Also mild pulmonary fibrosis with bronchiectasis!! Have decided that I just have to learn to be even more patient abt these things. I'M NOT BITING NAILS ANY MORE. Was doing that since childhood.Have I told you abt that before? Sorry if I did. But just so surprised they are growing. PCP says I'm anemic. Eating more greens when I can to see if that nips that in the bud.Canned greens...but greens. I rinse them off when I see they are so salty. Think that is OK nutrient-wise? We both can yak some,huh? That's OK I think. piddler55@jesusanswers is mine.Write if you'd like. Hoping you are doing OK. I'm still tryin'. Nite,piddler

Lacey

11/ 1/08 12:11am

Hi Jackie, tried to send an e-mail, let me know your e-mail addy, it didn't work with the one you last posted... Got mail here waiting for you..

Smiles, Lacey

piddler

11/ 1/08 10:05am

Lacey! piddler55@jesusanswers.com Try it again as you can. All is working.Jackie

piddler

11/ 1/08 10:13am

Hi Quenston! How you doin'? Alright here.Still tryin' to lose weight too? I'm just a wreck there. Brain fog or something. Cannot even begin a descent conversation. Lack of sleep for that,I guess. Should go.Hope you are well. Later Jackie(piddler)

LadyMagnolia1963

11/ 1/08 9:28pm

Hi Jackie Ü

I like your nick-name "piddler." Thank you for your encouraging words ((hugz)). OMG we do sound allot alike lol. I am always saying Okay today I will do this..... Or do that... and when I over do it-it just brings me down because I am so hard on myself. I need to just remind myself to do just one thing a day and be happy.

I agree about the "borderline diabetes" I think that hurts allot of people who need to start learning about their diabetes. And possibly start them early enough on the right meds and a good eating and exercising plans!

I heard it for sooo many years. Donna keep an eye on your sugar okay. Why I would ask? Dr. would say well, it's just up a little, but maybe it was something you ate that elevated it? I would ask do I have diabetes? The Dr. no, no just borderline. So I figured if he was not worried neither was I. This went on for several years even though I had the frequent urination, always thirsty, felt sluggish etc.

I think it's wonderful that you started small with the walking in the back yard Ü. Anything for the positive is a plus on our side right!

I guess the reason I get so over whelmed most times is because all you here on the TV or computer is the negative of what diabetes will do to your body! OMG-it's like every time I turn something on there it is. I have terrible OCD's=Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. So I am always scared about my heart mainly. My Dad died 15 years ago at the young age of 49 to a heart attack. His Dad & Mom died of a heart attack. My Mom had a heart attack 10 years ago and praise God she came through it with flying colors. But her Mom and Dad as well died from heart attacks. Her older brother had a heart attack about 30 yrs ago-he survived also, praise God. But it's rampet in both sides of the family.

Then I worry about my kidney's..protein and (dialysis SP?). That I just sometimes fill up my days with worry and anxiety.

I would love for us to try together Ü. it would be nice to surround myself with wonderful, encouraging friends on good and bad days.

My e-mail is ladymagnolia1963@aol.com and that goes for anyone who would like to do this together and support one another Ü. I also have a Yahoo Instant messenger. My name on there is magnoliablossom40

If you have AOL IM my name there is: ladymagnolia1963

HUGS~Donna

LadyMagnolia1963

11/ 1/08 11:38pm

Lacey Cho

Hi Lacey Ü

Welcome to My Diabetes Central! I'm glad you stumbled upon this site! Isn't it amazing how strange it feels being on the other side of a disease that we hear about and then wham it hits us. I was thrown for a loop when the ER Dr. told me how high my sugar was and said to me your a diabetic. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I really didn't know that much about it. But I never thought I would get it. Typical isn't. We always think "not us" Ha!

Lacey when I found out I was a diabetic I did the same as you. I sat in my room for days just staring into space. I was afraid to eat or drink anything. I thought of all the food I'd have to give up. Man I had one big pitty party!

But I didn't know what to do next. I mean the Dr. said I had diabetes, my family Dr. gave me diabetic pills and sent me home? So after being in my room for days, I decided to get on my computer and learn all I could about diabetes. I did allot of studying and crying. It all seemed so negative.

But I searched high and low for diabetic recipes-and started making my meals. I did really good for several months. I even lost 45 lbs! But then denial came, anger and why do I have to give up what I want to eat. So I stupidly ignored everything. I figured if I don't think about it, maybe it will go away. It didn't *sigh.*

So I have had the ups and downs, as I am sure many here have.

I also counted all the things I could no longer have. It made me angry.

I am thanking the LORD that nothing came out bad with your mammogram! But I am sure the waiting to hear something back from the Dr. was crazy.

I have found that I can eat strawberries and apples without it spiking my sugar. I love fresh vegetables, but the only thing that spikes my sugar are the carrots :-( . But I splurge some times *grinning.*

I would like to keep in touch as well. I posted my e-mail address and my screen names for yahoo and AIM. It's the reply I sent too Jackie.

Lacey, I'd love to hear some ideas that you have for medication. Thank you for thinking about me. I really appreciate it.

HUGS~Donna

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 01:23 AM

LadyMagnolia1963

11/ 2/08 7:13am

Hi quenston,

It's nice to meet you. I had to do a double take while reading your reply! Twenty-eight is really young to have a heart attack! Praise God you survived it Ü. Did they say why you had such a high blockage? How are you doing now with both the diabetes and recovering from the heart attack? How is your wife handling it?

You have such a positive out look and too me that's what is needed. Your right about diabetes being a disease and I wish there were a cure. I am but one of millions with many other diseases that feel that way also.

I am learning to take one step and one choice at a time. I believe I over-whelm myself with trying to look at the big picture and wanting to do it all in a day lol. I'm very happy that you are eating better, exercising and trying to control your sugars tightly. I too have a serious phobia of needles. Poor nurses say I turn white as milk and that's just when their getting the viles out for the blood lol! But about three years ago I had to take oral meds and shots. I was on a pre-filled pen (can't remember the name) but I was so surprised at how thin and tiny the needle was!

My Dr. has perscribed a 3rd diabetic medicine for me. I pick it up this morning. He told me if this one combined with the other 2 don't work, will have to talk insulin. Unfortunatly I do not have medical insurance now. The Insulin would run over $200.00 a month-just it alone!

We are looking into independent medical insurance now-but many of them will not accept you with "pre-existing" problems. But I know there is an answer out there some where Ü.

Thank you, Jackie and Lacey for letting me bend your ears Ü.

HUGS~Donna
quenston
Thursday, October 30, 2008 at 08:06 AM

quenston

11/ 2/08 8:07pm

Hey Piddler it is great to hear from you and I am doing great! Losing weight for me seems to be a battle but with the right exercise and a great wife I have lost approx. 32 lbs in the last 3 months but that is getting harder to do now that the fall and winter months are sitting in! Well I hope you the best and God Bless!!! Quenston

quenston

11/ 2/08 8:16pm

Hi Lady I am great and I must say that is a pleasure to meet you also!! I am fully recovered from the Heart Attack but still have a battle with diabetes but with a great wife and kids that support me I am doing fairly well! The Drs said that they are almost 100% sure that the blockage that caused my heart attack was due to having diabetes undiagnosed for so long. But due to the Good Lords blessings I had no damage done to my heart and the Drs also said that if I lived the right life that I would live as long if not longer than most people, so being a parent of a 10 yr beautiful girl and a hansome 8 yr old boy and a beautiful wife my life has changed and expect my life to get better every day! Well I hope the best for you! God Bless Quenston

I am still so stressed!

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