This side of managing Type 1 -- the constant blame and beating one self up -- has been a disturbing one to me. My son is a 13 year-old Type 1 and regularly blames himself for small mishaps that push his BG numbers high like miscounting carbs or pulling out his pump. It breaks my heart.
I had seen Joe Solowiejczyk speak at the CWD conference last summer, and one of his comments brought me to tears (and I paraphrase): "Most diabetics go to bed every night saying 'I will do better tomorrow.'"
It was at that point in time that I made a goal with myself to praise my son managing his condition overall (exercising; noticing when stress is driving him high; keeping records). I try not to focus on the high BGs.
I try, and he tries, and it's what we can do.
Thank you for writing -- this is a wonderful, insightful post.
hi Amyllia,
I'm Ginger, Type 1 diabetic and competitive powerlifter, from HealthCentral's Diabeteens.com site. My favorite thing about this post is your honesty. In several sentences you both admit to making mistakes and you forgive yourself for being human! -- Imperfect!--
I, too, have explained to myself (actually, in a HealthCentral blog!) that I am not perfect, and mistakes are inevitable. The guilt part of diabetes can be overwhelming because we are constantly judged by our stupid blood sugar numbers.
In the end, what I concluded was that all of those mistakes can benefit us if we use them as information and as stepping stones in a better direction. We can't just *POOF* and become perfect. We're a work in progress!
I admire your persistence!
Ginger
I'm Shirley Ann, Type 2 PWD. I can't remember offhand, but I've read elsewhere that Diabetics tend to have more problems with depression.
I know that after I was diagnosed, I finally (after about a year of sticking with an herbal remedy that I had used for over a decade) asked my family MD for something to take away that lingering thought of suicide. (I confessed to him that the only thing keeping me from trying it was worry about the person who found me and the effect it would have on their life.) I've since had my dosage adjusted once--upward--and it has helped me a LOT. I only wish I had changed to the prescription sooner!
Please, if you are a Diabetic--no matter if it's Type 1 or 2--talk to your doctor about any problems with depression. Keep them informed about EVERYTHING you are taking--OTC items, prescriptions, and supplements/herbal remedies--so that they can keep track of possible interactions and possible additional medical problems. Depression isn't a weakness, it is often attributable to biochemical imbalances that can be alleviated with medication.
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I've been dealing with depression my whole life and I've discovered that regular exercise really, really helps. It's definitely one of those things you have to do even when you don't feel like it. But even with meds and regular exercise I have bad days -- but I can say it's been a long time since I've had a really bad week. I have a child with diabetes and you can bet I blame myself everytime she is high or low and like you I'm niether perfect nor a perfectionist. It's funny everytime my daughter gets a ecent A1C I assume it's because she had too many lows -- not that I'm doing a good job. I am doing the bet I can with what I have. I think I'll make that my new mantra. Thanks!~