"I'll just stand here and keep you company." He crossed his arms over his chest and kept his eyes on the red bowl I was stirring.
"Chris, you aren't keeping me company. You're lurking." The butter and the sugar were starting to mix up in the bowl, giving off that sweet aroma of cookies-to-be.
"I love cookie dough!"
I'm not much of a cook, but I can definitely bake. Flourless chocolate cake. Banana bread that's made with extra bananas so it's all moist and decadent. I can make chocolate crinkle cookies and Hershey kiss cookies, chocolate chip with oatmeal, peanut butter cookies ... you name it. And, last night, at the begging of my husband, I made chocolate chip cookies with extra chocolate chips.
It's almost Murphy's Law, my cooking talents unable to be used for "good." I can't cook up a turkey dinner, or make a delicious dinner, but I can create the most sinful desserts without effort. And the irony of standing there with my insulin pump clipped to my hip as I mixed up a bowl of brown sugar, chocolate chips, white flour, and butter was enough to make me laugh.
I've become decent with the willpower bit, able to say "no thanks" to indulgences if I have my head on straight, but sometimes I completely buckle and make stupid decisions. I caved to the temptation of cookies last night. They were fresh from the oven and sitting on the cooling rack, making the whole house smell ... simply awesome.
And Chris and I settled in to watch a movie, I grabbed three cookies for Chris. And then I grabbed three for myself. My willpower went pfffft. And the cookies tasted delicious.
Indulgences, for me, make me fear the highs. I'm not as concerned with the calories or the effects on my weight (maybe I should be), but I try and ward off any post-indulgence highs anyway that I can. Usually, I bolus aggressively, and sometimes hit the mark perfectly. Other times I end up chasing a low, making the indulgence go from "reasonable" to downright gluttonous. Last night I managed to do both. Those three (delicious) cookies sent me up to 204 mg/dl, then I hit 54 mg/dl about an hour later.
But was it worth it?
I hadn't had cookies fresh from the oven in years. Can't even remember the last time. And these cookies were moist, hot, freshly baked, delicious, just the right amount of chocolate chips, and delicious. So yeah, I'd say that little blip in my willpower radar was okay. One cookie won't kill me. Neither will three.
But my husband, eating spoonful after spoonful of raw cookie dough? I think that may be more of a problem. ;)