mood swings

Thanks for writing back!  At least I know I'm not the only one.  I was diagnosed with hyer/hypoglycemia.  Which I guess means it can flucuate rapidly.  So I'm not actually diabetic.  I hope to try and stop it from coming!!  I try to eat low glycemic and all the other stuff they tell you to do!!

Thanks again!!

So what does it do to you when you bounce from 40 to 350 on a daily basis?  Not one doctor has been able to control my diabetes in the 16 years I've had it.  Every relationship I've had has ended because I'm psycho.  All those women complaining below about their moody husbands, well it happens to women too.  And the number one person I take it out on is my lover or my mom.  I usually blame the other person too, but now after reading this, I realize that it is probably my fault, and it does have to do with the diabetes.

 

So what do I do?  I don't want to be alone.  Psychologists don't think I need psych medication, just exercise and meditation.  But nothing is fullproof. 

 

Your mood is associated with your blood sugars because there are hormones that are released when under stress that also increase your blood sugar.  Any stress, fatigue or sudden crisis will raise a diabetic's blood sugar.  I tend to be more emotional when my sugar is high.  I've never checked when I've had an outburst though.

 

Thanks everyone for sharing.

You Need to be on the pump with better doctor control.  I have had Diabetes for 40 years and I know the trials of having roller coaster days.  Those days are due to my own eating or whatever.  You need to find out about the medtronic pump with the continuous glucos monitoring device.

Jon

 

I'm already on the pump.

I am also on LExapro.  Not for depression, but to keep me "more mellow".  IT seems to help me alot.  Rather than throwing a tizzy fit if I drop and break something, I will now just say " oh gosh golly gee".  NOt exactly, but it eases the emotional outburst.  IF your blood swings are whacked, you definately need to adjust your pump profiles.  I noticed in the mid afternoon I would get higher readings and as expected, would get a bit cranky, I adjusted ( raised dosage) and it has helped alot with swings.   You did not mention if you have the CGM ( continuous monitoring device), if you dont, you really should get it.  Its amazing what you can learn and do with it.  If you are not sure if insurance will cover, have minimed work on it.  They got mine to cover 100%.  GOOD luck.

 

Thanks for the advice! I am not on a CGMS, I wish I was. I upgraded to a Paradigm pump with the intension of going in that direction. But I upgraded too early. So now I wait, at least a year...

 

Maybe I'll stick to the zanex and valum and just wait.  Stress is tricky, you never know if it will set you off. And I can't take meds at work, so back to the drawing board.

 

Thanks though,

Jenny

Hi John, you say when you adjust your pump it helps your mood swings correct? Well, if a person has a pump, and still has a bad attitude, is that because they aren't adjusting their pump right, or do they just plainly have a bad attitude?

I am engaged to a diabetic. His negative attitude and meaness is getting to me. Do you have any suggetions how he can work on his moodiness? Because it is killing our relationship.

 

Thanks

I"m married to one.  He's been mean to me and our 3 children for 8 years.  He's just getting more and more verbally abusive, hostile and has had violent episodes.  He won't acknowlege the problem is connected to his poor diabetes management-he blames his moodiness on me.  I would advise you to RUN, I wish I had when I had the chance.  Sorry to anyone diabetic who takes offense.  It is just too much of a burden on a family when the patient won't take steps to control his disease.  I have 3 little kids and a full time job.  I can't spend my days preparing food for him, sending him text messages reminding him to eat, check his blood sugar or that he has a doctor's appointment.  I'm not his mother.  When I think the time is right-I'm leaving.  Then he can finally have a legitemate reason to blame his moodiness on me. 

I agree with you totally.  I have been married over 20 yrs to a diabetic. His mood swings have gotten so bad I have finally decided I have had enough.  I have tried to help him. I told him about info I found on the internet that relates blood sugar levels to his horrible mood swings. I cook healthy foods but he eats foods he knows he should not.  For a few months he was sort of okay.   The last of our 3 children just moved out and now I have become his only target.

 

To any woman out there that is thinking about marrying a diabetic with violent mood swings I say RUN also.  If you are married to one of these violent men try to work it out if you can't and he continues being abusive LEAVE

Amen to that.  Run.  It took me 8 years after verbal and physical abuse to realize my child too was now a victim of abuse.  The day my 3 year old looked up at me and apoligized for what his dad just did to me was the last straw.  Man or woman, if you are a diabetic then you need to accept that and take care of yourself not only for you, but for the people that love you or you will lose it all one day and they will be gone.  It took me years to get the courage to leave and with continuing couseling at a domestic violence center i am finally moving on and my son and I are finally at peace.  If your diabetic partner will not accept that they have a responsibility to themselves and the people around them that they could or are harming, then you need to get away and leave and never turn back or you will go through the "I'm sorry" cycle "take me back" cycle, "I'll change" cycle and you will never get out.  Worst of all your children will be sucked in too.  Do it for them.

Hi,

 

I have recently become involved with a diabetic man...and it has been the most destructive and turbulent relationship I have ever been in.  He is a doctor and a very overly confident and charismatic man, or at least I thought.  Our relationship is now pretty much over after we had an argument this Saturday and then he failed to show for a counselling session (yes after only 5 months we are seeing a therapist).  Call me crazy for showing up but I wanted to show him that although I will no longer take his crap I was willing to work towards resolving the situation... I have not heard from him since Saturday and I guess my real question is, do diabetics suffer from mood swings only?  Or is there a mental condition that is part of the illness?  a mood swing in my books can last for up to a few hours, but how can a mood swing last for days and that person make such calculated and cruel decisions?  I am so confused as this man not only suffers from mood swings but also an over-inflated sense of himself, is incredibly insecure, will stop at nothing to be in control and will often tell lies about what he is doing, forgets things that he has said, blames me for things, makes me doubt and question things about me, has no regard for my feelings when he is having a good or bad day, and the list goes on...I realise now what a mistake i have made in becoming involved with him but for my own sanity need to understand more about the nature of a chronic diabetic!

I read you email with great interest.  I am married to a man who has been ill for some time but in denial.  He has finally been to see about it and has high blood pressure, very high cholesterol and high blood sugar.  He is borderline type II and has a family history of heart issues.

 

I've been feeling as though I've been going mad for the past 8 - 10 years.  Each year his moods get worse, and yesterday he pushed me so hard that he has left an enourmous bruise on my shoulder and the look in his eyes was something I have never seen before.  I knew he was sick and have not wanted to give up on him because he was a wonderful caring man, and I don't believe he knows who he is at the moment.  However, I am sure that if he can't help himself in the next 6 months to improve his health and hopefully his behaviour will improve as a result, then my children and I may have no choice to leave.

 

I've lived with the frustration, anger, hurt and dismay of seeing my life ruled by the man that I once loved beyond belief and believed in completely.  I've had to take control of our home, our business, our social life, the children's lives and have no time for myself as he has become insular, self absorbed, mean and cruel.

 

Reading these blogs has helped me to realise that I am not on my own, and have not been going mad after all.  We all need help at some time in our life, and it is his turn to ask for help.  He has and I will give it to him as long as he is prepared to help himself.

 

Wish me luck.

I am so relieved to have read your comments and stories about living with a diabetic man.  I have been going out with my boyfriend now for about 6 months, he has type 1 diabetes and has had this since he was about 7 (hes now 23).  I have never experienced such a rollecoaster of ups and downs.  I try hard to be supportive and understand since two of my close family members have type 1 diabetes too. 

 

Something so small can get his back up and I find that hes so quick sometimes to critisise me and belittle me making me doubt my actions.  He not only brings up the fact that I have annoyed him but his emotion and anger with me seems to be very prolonged, sometimes lasting for a couple of days.

 

I sometimes think that I can understand why he is like he is at times and think its his blood sugar then he seems to launch into one sometimes at the slightest thing and I forget that its down to his diabetes.  Its always like its a directed attack at me and I have almost had enough of it.  I will support him and be there for him but I am rather too senstiive to be able to withstand it much longer. I am fed up with feeling like I am the 'baddy' in the relationship and that I keep doing things wrong.  The more I try and avoid fights and arguments with him the more we seem to have.

 

Its such a shame because he is a really lovely guy when his sugars seem to be stable... :-(

I not only wish you luck, I pray for you.  These men take out their mood swings on the people closest to them.  They somehow manage to behave around other family members and business associates and golf buddies.  Assert your rights!  It is sad that they cannot control their behavior...but, to some extent, they can.  But won't.  Never blame yourself.  Try to be patient, kind so that you know you have done nothing to exacerbate the situation.  At the same time, don't be a doormat.  Speak up!  Believe me, they can take it!

I hope you have left him by now and met or will soon meet a nice normal guy.  You'll appreciate him all the more.  It's said that these people with this disease can't control their behavior.  I'm married to one and I suffer for it.

I have a diabetic husband and it is SO difficult.  He often says things that break my heart.  Other times he gets mad over nothing and can't defend the logic of his accusations so he just snaps, "I don't want to talk about this any more."  There is no predicting or accommodating his moods.  He's basically a very good guy but the verbal and emotional abuse is hard to take.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY I GET BLAME FOR THINGS THAT I'M NOT DOING THE PEOPLE HE SHOULD TELL OFF HE DON'T AND NOW I'M SICK OF THE ABUSE ITS TOO MUCH TO BEAR I TRIED TOO DEAL BUT IT GET HARDER AND HARDER EVEERYTIME HE OPENS HIS MOUTH.I'M GETTING TOO THE POINT WHERE I WANT OUT BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE IT KNOW MORE ACCUSING ME OF THINGS I'M NOT DOING TO JUST SITTING DOWN ON HIS BUT AND NOT DO NOTHING ALL DAY THAT TOO MUCH. I HAVE 4 KIDS HERE ALREADY BUT IT FEEL LIKE I HAVE 6 BECAUSE I HAVE AN OLDER SON THAT'S NOT HERE.I CAN RELATE I'M STARTING TOO FEEL LIKE I WANT TOO LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP.I HOPE IT GETS HELP I WAS HERE AND NOW I FEEL THAT'S TOO HARD TOO DEAL WITH.

I'm so sorry to hear your story.  I live with a man with type 1 who behaviour sounds just like your husbands.  The difference is that my man does manage his diabetes well.  I too have thought of leaving many times but remind my self that its the illness and not him thats being abusive.  I wish I could give you some advice but it's easier for me as I have no children.

If you're not already married, RUN!  The mood swings will not improve as he ages; and you will be dealing with personality traits you can't control and affect.

Husband just recently diagnosed type 2, but, his mean, insular behavior---anger, verbal abuse and nasty mood swings have been steadily increasing over the years, so now I understand why!! Of course, it is always my fault, even in front of the boys, where he frequently belittles and mocks me.  My eyes are now opened to what is ahead of me. Thank you for your posts, everyone. This morning I got yelled at for asking him a simple question about his blood sugars (after I made his spectacular healthy breakfast). He left for work without saying a word.  I have a lot to think about.

I am really glad i found this. I am a diabetic type 2, since about 2005. I experience these same types of mood swings. I hate it because sometimes I do snap over nothing and my kids and husband are my target. I always find myself apologizing to them. But they are very understanding and supportive. I find difficult to stick to a steady diet to help lower my sugar. I have tried several diets and none ever works. I was in denial, I think I still am in some ways. How do you overcome that? I take my medicine but continue to eat what I want. I know I need to try harder but I feel like there is no use at times. In regards to your story, I think sometimes there is no control of the way you feel no matter how hard you try. Don't get me wrong I do think that it's wrong to behave in such a manner towards the people you love.

Hey there, if you love your family, and it sounds like you do, you must, simply must get serious about your diet.  It will take making good choices every day, and planning for healthy snacks. Just resolve to exercise regularly (get to a Curves if you can---wonderful support there) and start with a day at a time until it becomes a habit.  When you mess up, just forgive yourself and go on.  Several folks I know have also joined a hospital-sponsored support group, which my diabetic hard-headed husband would never consent to.  Above all, think long term, to the future, and you want to be around with full health 10 years from now to help those you love! Good luck!!

i am going thru the exact same thing my boyfriend is on insulin he does not check his blood sugar hardly at all i have checked his monitor and i saw a reading just this month at over 400 and some even higher he is horrible towards me the mood swings are crazy i try to talk to him or touch him he goes off so i fixed him breakfast tried to give him a hug he screams dont touch me  and the mood swings can on for days off and on sometimes over a week i lost my job and i moved here to try to go back to school and find another job in my field and of course to be with him this man is so mean to me he's off an on like a roller coaster hell come and kiss me and tell me he's sorry and hes being stupid and he even admitted to having these crazy mood swings but he reallydoesnt know how it is affecting me then he start right back up again im am very tired of the nasty treatment im getting i have had it it only so much ass kissing im going to do  trying to accomodate  and make excuses for his illness i dont care who it is this man is horrible i tried to talk to him about his health that he should stop eating the stuff  he eats i find oatmeal cookies,candy/and evn alcohol from time to time .this man is grown i cant hold his hand he knows  what he has can kill him if he doesnt watch what he's doing,but he needs something to control this mean nasty mood swings its horrible or the next woman will go through the same  thing,my time is up good luck to all the people who can deal with it for years not me!!!!

My spouse as usual before a holiday and my birthday has just been a bear.  He says "I'm the one with the problem."  I just try and remember it's his sugar level.  I even ask him to test his sugar but he says "IT'S NOT MY SUGAR, IT'S YOU!"  So, that is a huge clue to me that his sugar level is either high or low.  He always threatens not to pay our bills.  It's a terrible cycle.

 

 

Learn to recognize a bad mood and keep

quiet and away from innocent people

when it happens.

 type 1 for 8 years. Usually when this happens to me it's usually too late to either shut up or get away from the innocent. By the time I realize that i'm being a class A ***** everyone around me hears it. I've picked fights over everything from kids not taking their clothes to thier room to no paper towel on the kitchen table. I try my best to apologize, but sometimes I usually feel so bad its hard just to face them.

Hi,

I'm married to this wonderful guy, he just happens to have type 1 diabetes.  He often has mood swings, I know it's the diabetes, because half the time he doesn't remember the things he says and the other half he blames it on everyone else.

Is there some sort of support group for the people who live with and love those guys. Because some times it's hard to take and very hurtful. 

Oh God Monique I totally could have written your post.  My husband's diabetes is all out wack right now and he has been a bear to live with - - including 3 nights in the last week that he didn't even come home!  He is off with "friends" drinking ... which makes the cycle worse.

KATHY,

 

I FEEL FOR YOU AND MY HUSBAND OF 24 YRS DRINKS, AND A BAD DIABETIC, HOWEVER, HE GETS ONLY REALLY ANGRY AND MEAN WHEN HE ADDS ALCOHOL (USUALLY) AND WE PAY FOR IT...  HE SSEEMS TO LOVE THE PEOPLE AT THE BAR. AND NO MEMORY OF ANYTHING. YOU TELL HIM THE NEXT DAY..DAMN REALLY, HE SAY'S IM SORRY, AND YOU JUST WANNA SLAP HIM, CAUSE YOU KNOW IT ISN'T GONNA STOP

I UNDERSTAND AND FEEL FOR YOU....

I LEFT HIM FOR 3 YRS, BUT TOOK HIM BACK, I LOVE HIM   DUH!!!!!!!!

GOOD LUCK TERESA

I am really struggling.  Your post has helped me in some way though.  Now I know I'm not the one going crazy.  My husband was diagnose 3 years ago.  He is a very kind and giving man.  But he has somewhat refused to acknowledge how serious this disease is.  He eats whatever he wants, won't go to the doctor because he doesn't want the doctor to scold him about his weight, etc.  One moment he is loving, giving and patient and in the next instance he's screaming at me for the silliest things.  Even when I apologize just to keep the peace - he continues to scream.  Anything will set him off.  I have begged him to go to the doctor and discuss this and he continues to believe that everything is my faught.  I can't go on like this.

Ellie I am so sorry you are going through this.  All i can say is that I am in the same boat and I know how hard it is ... you love him and want to help, but the ups and downs and unpredictable moods are like being an abusive relationship.  

Kathleen,

Thanks for responding to my comments.  I haven't written in a while.  My husband doesn't want me talking to anyone about "our problems" and is suspicious of me being on the computer.  This is so crazy!  I use to be this fiercely independent soul.  I have decided to work on me!  But it's hard.  We BOTH have said so many things during the anger outbursts.  What's so nutty is I'm giving him a out and a excuse for his outbursts and he still gets mad.  He almost had me convinced I was bipolar.  Finally a friend came to me and told me she had noticed me pulling away.  I put a good front on for everyone else.  I would like to see a therapist, but he says not to go without him. I say okay.  Then he changes the subject.  If I bring it back up... here we go again.  I have no one to talk to.  He is a very public figure.  I am so afraid he is going to fall out from a stroke, then I will had added guilt.  I can't talk his doctor either.  I know I sound like a whiner, but I am so tired of apology after apology and all the while knowing things will be back to square one any time.  Can someone help me with any kind of advice? 

Ellie,

I went through your situation for 8 years.  For 8 years I hated walking through my front door when i came home from work b/c I had no idea what I was going to be yelled at for that night.  It goes from great to bad and the roller coaster never stops.  This IS abuse.  They are controlling, paraniod that you don't love them, that you are cheating and continually put you down as a wife, a woman, and a mother.  After years you have no esteem left and gain weight becuase why not?  You aren't worth it right?  I got him on the pump, I made doctor's appointments for him, I gave him a carb counter book, i always checked his blood sugars, I would wake up in the middle of the night to make sure he was breathing and not cold and clammy with a low blood sugar.  I was living my life for him and forgetting about me.  You cannot do it for him.  If he cannot accept that he's a diabetic and that he has a duty to take care of himself then you need to prepare in advance and leave!!!!!  I was separated two times and every time he was sorry and would change and it never happened.  I thought for sure he would change and take care of himself after we had a beautiful little boy.  Nope.  It got worse and he began throwing things at me while holding our infant son.  I stood stong for 4 years after that and then my day of liberation came.

 

He threatened me.  Told me to die.  Told me he wasn't an abuser and still has not accepted that and probably never will.  but I finally did it.  I got him out of the house and my son and I moved back in when he was at work, I changed the locks, and we've been separated for a year now.  It has been the most peaceful year of my life and my son is better as well.  He still sees his father alot which is what I want but we still have a custody hearing etc to go through.  He will likely never accept he's an abuser or a diabetic and he doens't want anyone knowing becuase he knows it's wrong.  They are the nicest people outside but once you are behind closed doors, it's a different story and a completely different person.  It's a living hell.  Get out and God Bless.

I am in Britain, the UK, and finding this website has been a revelation.  My husband was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes almost five years ago and we were NEVER told about the "mood swings".  The rages, verbal and emotional abuse and almost physical abuse.  The denial.  Sounds like most of you have been there so you know what I'm talking about.   It is sad to read your posts and yet also helpful as at last I know it probably is the diabetes.  But I can't do anythng, I'm older, can't leave - can't win - and it's a wonder I have not gone off my head by now.   Or murdered or committed suicide.  Our daughters live a distance from us and have no idea what a hell this life is, he is all sweetness and light on their infrequent visits, due to distance.  Also charms the doctor and nurses.  But when we are alone is is a different story.  Before this nigtmare began he was a kind and gentle, loving man but now he is, as someone said, a Jekyll and Hyde.   We cannot talk about it because he is in absolute total denial and thinks he is unchanged.  According to him everything is my fault.

 

I think this side of diabetes is completely igored by the medical professon.  A few times I have asked if his behaviour could be due to the diabetes and have had a muttered non-commital mumble in reply. 

 

Wont write too much except to say thank you to everyone for being so open on this subject.   It has made me feel less alone and isolated and although it wont make life any easier, at least I now know all I have learned from your posts.  If I was younger I would leave, but that is impossible.   The man I married and loved for many years is no more, but in total denial.  Everything is my fault, and how well I know the being goaded into retaliating to the verbal assaults and being cursed.  I try to let it go over my head but I am human and often retaliate - which makes it worse.  he is "fine" and it is me who is not, all my fault.   What a life!

 

I would certainly leave if younger, especially if I had children, because it is never going to get better.  My best wishes to everyone living this nightmare, and thank you again for sharing.

 

Lizzie

Lizzie, my prayers are with you.

I too am married to a Type I diabetic.  I have been up since 4:00 AM because we have had another "round" due to a "mood swing" and I am getting to the point that I can't take it anymore.  He's a great guy and good person and I am really trying hard to keep this marriage together, but don't know how much longer I can survive without having a nervous breakdown myself.  I'm losing my identity!  These fights are usually over the silliest thing which will trigger him.  I try my best to not let him pull me into this because I'm sure it's his blood sugar level, but when I ask him to check his sugar, it makes the situation worse.  Even when I try to just suck it up and not say anything, he will keep badgering me until I get to a breaking point.  I'm going out of my mind!  It is getting progressively worse and I don't think I can take much more.  He says things to me and then will deny he said them and makes me think I'm going crazy.  I find that it is a cycle.  When he gets me to the point that I explode, he will back down and will genuinely feel sorry for what he's done and be the guy I "used to know" and do something nice.  But then, as soon as I let my guard down, he's at it again.  Aside from all of this, we have a good life and I don't want to give up, but I don't know what to do at this point.  Is there a support group out there for spouses of diabetics in this situation??????   

Hi:

      I'm a type 2 diabetic and have been fighting the beast within for going on 4 years now. I know that there is a definite link between my levels and my moods. Before I became a diabetic I use to enjoy a good mixed drink but have since given this up as sometimes only a couple of drinks would put me in a blackout state where I would continue to function but nothing was being saved into memory. So when your husband says that he cann't remember he just cann't. I still do have the sudden  and uncontrolable mood swings, which I know are embarrassing and I feel like s*** afterwards. I know that if I'm not in a great mood that I have to watch my sugars closely and do things that make me feel better and i try to stay away from people because i know that even small things can make be go ka-boon. This site has certainly helped as i can certainly relate to everyone's comments. Together my wife and I are trying to figure this out. Carefully watch your sugars if you're having any alcohol if your not in a good mood it will only make it worse.   DC

thats so true im the same way  yes do have pms all the time because i dont do right

I have been dating a great guy for six months now.  It all ended yesterday because I cannot take his crazy mood swings.  I am a very laid back person and I thought that it was just how he was but then I started wondering about the correlation of his mood swings & his diabetes (type1).  This really saddens me because I do feel bad for him more than anything but he will be such a grump and say some pretty mean things but then later on he "doesn't ever remember" saying half of what was said.  Is this a common problem?  He is great one day and then next I have to walk around on eggshells because I can sense that he is in a horrible mood. I know his BSL has been out of wack lately. It will go from 60 to 230.  Is there anything that can help him with this problem? I had no idea until I found this forum that this was even a common problem.  Thanks! 

we been together over 45 years he is a type 2 diabetic he get so mad and clamps for days

he also get jelous gime a break at our age.

getting tired of it.

is there any help out there or just leave him.

OMG.  I am so glad that I found this web site.  You all have no idea how grateful I am.  My husband has been type 2 for 10 yrs now.  And I never realized that his HORRIBLE mood swings were do to his blood sugar levels being out of whack.  Now I do.  We have been married now for over 10 yrs and together for over 13.  I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids.  My daughter has been the one who always gets the brunt of his "mood" swings.  And every year they seem to get worse.  He takes his meds, excerises, goes to the Dr.  He does usually does what the Dr. says.  But when he runs out of meds, he doesn't get them replaced.  He feels he can control his diabetes w/ diet and excerise alone.  We all know that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  He should really be on insulin.  But he won't do it!!!  He has this habit of picking fights not only w/ me but usually my daughter.  It's just not fair.  Everytime he gets in a mood, he lashes out and it's my daughter that gets it all the time.  I have finally have had it.  I am going to call his Dr. w/ out him knowing and let the Dr. know what is going on and if things don't change I will take my daughter and leave.  This is ridiculous and most definitely not fair to anyone living in my house.  Thanx so much for letting my voice be heard and if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to post them.

 

Lisa

 

 

My husband, a 60-years old diabetic type 2, won't take insulin because he is scared of hypoglycemia.  His mood swings are also horrible and for no reason at all he will become abusive telling me I am stupid, selfish etc. etc. or sulk for days on end. Also, he suffers a total loss of libido since over a year.  Sadly, the horrid periods seem to be coming closer together and I do not think I can go on much longer.  Oh, and by the way, he also refuses to talk to his doctor about it...

 

I would be grateful for any forum and/or advice.

 

Pull yourself together.  You must be  a

real joy to your family/friends/co-workers!!

My husband is a type 1 diabetic and believe me, when his blood sugar runs high and low, it's a really KILLER to our marriage.  He never wants to take responsibility for his emotional level, so therefore absolutely refuses to check himself claiming that it's all my fault and being a *****.  Well, gee, I wonder why that should come about?!!!!!  We're having a wonderful weekend and all of a sudden he's yelling at the dog, proviking it to bark so he can yell at it, or just provoking me for the same reason.  I finally get him to check himself and guess what, he's 298.  When it comes to he's the only one making any money in the house and feeling sorry for Poor Him, I finally get him to check himself and, yup, he's 48.

 

Hey, get a grip and take responsibility.  It's tough on all of us.  I'm trying to find a spouse that has to go through this stuff and find out how they deal with it.  This is really getting old.

 

20 years married to a diabetic and really HATING this **** disease!

Yeah. I'm really done with my diabetic relationship also. After years of trying to support him, encourage him to exercise and eat right, deal with his erectile dysfunction ... he continues to make the wrong decisions, and he still smokes and drinks. If I stay, in 10 years I'll be dealing with a amputee in a wheel chair. Somehow in all this ridiculousness he claims its all my fault.

I was so relieved to find this forum today! I was beginning to wonder if I was being overly sensitive to my husband's moods/anger, but I know I'm not. We've been married for 8 years and he's been diagnosed with Type 2 for 5 years (he may be Type 1 now). He does not control his diabetes--eats whatever he likes and does not take his meds. When he does take them, they bother his stomach b/c he doesn't get over that initial adjustment, so he stops again. He won't follow up with the doctor unless I call, make the appointment, etc. I finally gave up on trying to get him to follow through.

He is quite possibly the most negative person I have ever met and it has become exhausting to live with. He never has anything nice to say about anyone and sometimes it feels like he is just constantly yelling at everyone. We have 2 young daughters (3 & 5) and he just loses his patience/temper with them over the smallest things.  Lately, he's been making strange accusations -- one day he couldn't find his wallet and accused me of hiding it from him. This weekend he questioned me about a picture message that I received a few weeks ago (wrong number) and a couple calls that came up as "unavailable" on my phone (it was the mortgage company) as if I was talking to another guy on the side. It seemed so strange and motivated me to search for more information about depression, anger & diabetes. I have always suspected that he is depressed, and I know his anger is awful, but I didn't realize it could be because of his diagnosis. We JUST bought a new house and after this weekend I'm thinking I made a huge mistake, b/c now I feel stuck.  Sometimes, I just want to leave. I was taking Lexapro b/c I couldn't deal with it, but I feel like he's the one that needs it. It's not healthy for our daughters or me. We've been to a marriage counselor, but I kind of doubt I'll get him to go back. I'm not perfect--I'll give it back to him, but I'm tired of fighting and living like this. I've started to just walk away or hang up when he starts yelling at me. I'm not going to take it anymore. This weekend he would not let it go though. He kept trying to get me to fight with him -- was poking me in the back and then pulled the pillow out from under my head and threw it across the room.  Are there any resources/support groups for people like us?  Thanks for reading this.

I know exactly how you feel believe me my husband can be areak *** and he says things that hurt my feelings I mean he is ruthless and I am the innocent bystander in this I remeber one time I had just prepared dinner and I walked around to give him a kiss and I told him I loved him he flipped well if you loved me you should be paying more bills,you are in my space and it took off from there he is cruel and Im getting ready to go if things do not get better i will be gone he has been type 2 diabetic for 18 years and the on again off again is too much I never know what to expect and I have high blood pressure and I refuse to continue this diabetes or not.So what you are experiencing I can relate too very much,then after it all blows over he'll come and tell me he's sorry that is not going over with me everything gets old after away.

OMG! Been married 20 years too to a guy with Type 1. It is getting harder. He hasn't been able to keep a job longer than 2 years in the past 10 years. I worry that if I leave him, he will llive alone and he has had some low sugars in the night in the 20's. It is very hard for me to help him. He fights me, berates me, yells at me and makes me not want to help him. In the end, I know, he could die if I don't wake up at 3am and help him, even when he doesn't want my help. I hear you, he thinks it is everyone else. He yells and makes his demands and we all (me and my 2 teenagers) try to appease him. I have been wondering if this is just his personality or his diabetes. I have health issues too but we all seem to coddle him. I feel like I am trying to raise another teenage boy, not live with my husband of 20 years. Wanna talk?

 

Maybe you can help me.  I go with a diabetic and out of the blue he said some hurtful things and felt like he was pushing me away.  He says I have too much time on my hands as I just retired from teaching and that I am too serious.  I just tried to discuss a few things that bothered me and he got very angry.  Is this normal with someone with diabetes?  If it is maybe I should rethink this relationship. 

Yep!  Linda, reconsider this relationship.  Men are difficult enough as it is with no diabetes.  Mom alwas said, during courtship, a man should be on his best.  If early on he's already being unkind...that is just the tip of the ice berg...of how he'll treat you once he knows he's "got you" because he's in a serious relationship with you.

 

Basiscally, ladies, we are all dealing with the same thing here.  Men/women problems that are exaserbated by diabetes.

 

Either we get on our knees and take it to God and give him the time and faith to bring awareness to these guys,  or leave. 

 

Sometimes, what has worked for me is too swallow my saddess and pride and say "I know that you may be having problems with your blood sugar and I'm just going to take good care of you right now because I know that you don't really mean those nasty, hurtful things you said."  Never fails...it just melts their anger.   For the moment anyways.  When guys with/without diabetes get too mean or "manly", it seems the only thing they respond to is the opposit quality... soft, mild, selfless femininity.  I tend to get all "queen tender feelings" when my diabetic husband gets mean.  Those times when I don't fight back and back off, th results are just better.  However, if the relationship is abusive, then I think separation either trial or permenant would be best. 

Hello there. I just found this site  in sheer desperation. I have been seeing a man for almost two years and just recently located 150 miles to start a life together. He has suffered aparrently over the years with depression but just recently has been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabtes. Right now he is not on medication yet...the doctor is attempting diet and exercise first. When dating he was the sweetest, most genuine, kind man I have ever met. For the last couple months the mood swings have been excessive and frequent. I feel like I am living with two different people. I am totally worn out. One minute he is telling me to pack my bags andthe next he is making future plans for us? This is happening now on a daily basis...When i finally get tired of all the treatment i tell him I will be leaving...Then he becomes his old self again it seems..until the next day and the whole cycle repeats again.He is not dealing with the diagnosis well at all even though right now his numbers are not that bad. I am at my wits end. I love this man deeply and know the wonderful is still in there somewhere I am not allowed to discuss his diabetes with him...even simple statements like Oh honey that has 18 grams of sugar in that drink. Maybe we should find something else. Please help with any suggestions......How do I figure out how much of his behaviour is due to depression and diabetes ? Thank you and Blessings to all on this site and the people involved with them...........Dawn

Get out of the relationship! If you don't you will end up being his mother, nurse, carer and you will get very little in return, least of all tenderness and support.

 

Married to a type 2 diabetic since two years and regretting it very much

i to have a husband with tupe 1 diabetes.  This weekend while coming home a friend's birthday party he freaked out in the car screaming that I was trying to kill him with my horrible driving...he drank too much and his sugar levels were a mess.  I get so tired of deciding when to call the paramedics or when to continue to fight him to get him to "come out of it".  It is so frustrating the next morning when he refuses to acknowledge any of this.  I know he can't remember it all but he does remember some.  I feel so mad/hurt and know that I come across as a real bi&*% when othere people see me try to "handle" him with sterness since me being kind doesn't get through his fog...My kids try to help but have become desensitized also to his condition.  20 years of this and I am aging and becoming so heard hearted...I wish there was a refuge from it.

HI... YOU WOULD NEVER BELIEVE THIS, MY SITUATION IS EVEN WORSE MY WIFE OF 24 YEARS IS ALWAYS ON THE  NEG. SIDE OF EVERYTHING I DO,  HAS ATTACKED ME WHEN HER SUGAR WAS LOW TWO DAYS LATER ATTACKED ME AGAIN I HAD TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AND  LATTER DROPPED IT. WE  NOW ARE SEPERATED AND MY WIFE SAYS I THREW HER OUT OF THE HOUSE, ??? DOES NOT REMEMBER THE ATTACKS, THIS TIME MY 19 YEAR OLD SON SAW WHAT HAPPENED AND IS STILL TRYING TO LET HER REALIZE WHAT SHE DID , SHE INSIST THAT I WAS PLANING TO THROUGH HER OUT OF THE HOUSE, SHE IS 51 TYPE 1 DIABETES MALETICE, CAD'S AND IN FULL  MENOPAUSE, NEED I GO ANY FURTHER, I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF THINGS THAT HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET BUT SHE SAYS IT WILL HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER YOU'LL SEE???? NOW SHE WANTS TO DIVORCE ASAP LIKE NOW, NEEDS TO GET ME OUT OF HER LIFE... I HAVE TOTALLY TAKEN CARE OF HER ALWAYS FROM SUGARS  READING 17 BED WETTING SWEATS  CHANGING HER AND THE BED, SHE WOULD NEVER REMEMBER TO OVER 500 IN THE SAME DAY TO THE POINT OF HOSTILE AND ANGRY AND IT IS YOUR FAULT ALL IN THE SAME 24 HOUR DAY, OH YEA SHE HOLDS A MUNICIPAL CLERK POSS.  SHE HAS A PUMP AND THAT STILL DOES NOT HELP, PASSES OUT DRIVING AND HAS BEEN FOUND UNCOUNCIOUS IN HER CAR MORE THEN ONCE, NOW WITH THE THOUGHT OF DIEING ANY DAY SHE HATES ME ,AND THINKS I AM OUT TO GET HER.... YOU THINK YOU HAVE HAD A NOUGH. HER MOM AND DAY THINK AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I SHOULD HAVE NEVER CALLED THE POLICE, I AM A BAD HUSBAND AND NEVER BEEN THERE FOR HER.... TROUBLE AT WORK AND YES SHE IS DRINKING ALCOHOL, ALSO ON ZOLOFT AND 13 OTHER MED'S DAILY.... OPEN FOR FEEDBACK  GOD IS THE ONLY ANSWER, I AM PRAYING DAILY......... 

Yeah, I am having the same problem with my dad, especially today, my anger is emerging rapidly, when I heard, that he doesn't want me to bring my mom to a party and as a consequence she canceled it. He thinks, that it is kind of showing off, to bring her by car, and the costs are too high and so. I get so desperate that I just wanna run away from home. What is the solution to it?

After Just reading what you wrote I felt like this was a mirror for me.  My husband has had diabetes 2 for almost 20 yrs and it has gotten worse.  He takes pills and refuses any other meds.  He bikes and walks and yes the exercise is good for him but its not the only answer in his case.  The endocronologist got rid of him because he would not go on insulin so he went to our regular doctor and knows how to act like he is the doctor.  You never know when he is off the wall and always is right about everything.  One moment I think its me and he is nice and the next I say why am I still in this marriage of hell....36 yrs of this!  Is there a group for people living with diabetics?   There should be one. 

 

I sympathize with you. My husband had Type 1 and constant unpredictable moods. It was like living with an alcoholic--no idea from one minute to the next what would set him off. He blamed it all on the diabetes, but frankly, as a spouse you can't buy this all the time. Not to mention that a spouse with mood swings is rarely "there" for you because they are in one of their moods and unavailable to you. He never apologized for being irritable, moody and wierd.  I agree that couples dealing with mood problems associated with diabetes need help--and run, do not walk, to get marriage counseling or family therapy.  The answer is not just "put up" with a spouse who is moody and mean (and unaccountable because "it's the illness.")  I left my husband years ago and it was a relief. If we had received marriage counseling, perhaps we would have learned how to deal constructively with the negative emotional fallout his diabetes had on our marriage. Diabetes does not give you a free pass to act ugly with your family and colleagues--and then just act as if they are supposed to forget it.  If I had diabetes and was wierding out all the time, I would know it was my problem to solve...not everyone else's problem to endure. Get help yourself now, even if your husband is unwilling. A good therapist will help you find ways to deal with this. I frankly think the majority of marriages with brittle Type 1 and some with Type 2 struggle with this. It is malpractice for doctors to pretent they don't know it's a major problem!

So glad to read this. I have been married for 9 years and my husband found out 4 years ago he has Type I. I have had enough. He is out of control. He has his highs w/ moods for a week or so and then lows for several weeks. But sometimes when he test his sugars, they are normal. So I am beginning to think that its not diabetes. Couldn't it be something else? Now that I am telling him our marriage is over b/c I just can't take it anymore, he says its his diabetes that makes him act like this. He doesn't even know when he is being so mean. Never says I am sorry. Everything is always my fault and I do everything wrong. Sometimes I am scared to tell him things b/c I know now some of his trigger/buttons. I have given up w/ trying to get him to test his sugar. He does eat good most of the time and excercises. I am sick of trying to figure this out....

Hi Abbey--

Know this must be such a hard time for you.  I have a couple of comments for you and they apply to a couple of other people in this thread as well.  First, a family member who is having these destructive mood swings and taking them out on their family or spouse MUST let their family member speak directly to their doctor about it.  Although it is good (and essential) that the diabetic person him/herself raise this as a crisis issue to their doctor, they should also agree to let their spouse or whomever their behavior is upsetting to talk to the doctor as well.  This is necessary because your spouse is unlikely to describe the real impact his/her behavior has on YOU because they 1) are too out of control when they act out that they actually can't remember what they said or did and 2) your feelings, not theirs, are the issue.  You are being "expected" to put up with conduct that is simply unacceptable and abusive.  I do not know of ANY endocrinologists who would ADMIT that HOSTILE OUTBURSTS and RAGING MOOD SWINGS are NORMAL--they are NOT NORMAL.  (Note:  have you noticed how difficult it is to find, on any diabetes website, acknowledgement of mood problems? There's a reason!) The doctor needs to know this is going on--it is critical.  It shows that the current treatment is NOT WORKING CORRECTLY.  Your spouse may need a big adjustment in his insulin timing, number of shots, or whatever.  The doctor must be told BY YOU that if this does not get under control, you are planning to leave your spouse. Believe me, unless the doctor is a quack, they will snap to in a hurry and seriously reconsider the treatment they are recommending as well as whether your spouse is actually doing what he/she is supposed to.  Providing that the treatment is effective (blood sugar stays in good range nearly all the time) and your spouse takes responsibility for bad behavior (apologizes when blood sugar is clearly to blame for outbursts), then there is another possibility--that your husband is suffering from a concurrent disorder like depression, bipolar disorder, etc.  Both these conditions are suggested by angry outbursts and mood swings.  So it may have nothing to do with diabetes at all.   A KEY QUESTION:  Is your spouse "working with" you or against you?  If they admit their behavior is bad and express sadness over it and what it is doing to your marriage and want to get help, talk to their doctor about it and let you talk to their doctor about it, then they might just be diabetic and there is totally hope for your relationship.  If not, though--they don't admit their hostile outbursts and nastiness are inappropriate and hurtful, they do not apologize to you (or worse, blame you), they do not tell their doctor about their outbursts and mood swings (i.e. request help) and forbid you to tell the doctor, then your spouse's problems sound psychological--they are in denial and/or have some other emotional problem!!!!  Whatever their problem, you cannot be expected to endure abuse and have to take care of yourself.  Get out of there.  There is NO ACCEPTABLE REASON for a spouse to act abusively and unapologetic about it--this is abuse, period.  If you talk to your spouse's doctor, give explicit examples of the behavior...I guarantee that no doctor is going to condone it as something you are supposed to "put up with" because it is the disease.  Even people married to destructive alcoholics are told--do not ever accept abuse from your drunk spouse...REHAB CENTERS DO NOT PERMIT ALCOHOLICS TO ACT UP LIKE THIS no matter how ill they are.  Ponder whether your issue is really "abuse" and not about diabetes at all.  Also, consider whether your husband is like this around other people (at work, at his relatives, at neighborhood functions, etc.) or just behind closed doors at home.   I knew diabetes was a cover for my now ex-husband when I realized his crazy behavior was at home (and very rarely any other place) and he tried to blame everything on me.  As i said in an earlier message, I left him after a 20 year marriage and have never had a day where I would want that life back.  I believe his problem was not his diabetes--he used it as an excuse.

I understand what you are going through.  For the most part, my husband is a great guy.  However, if I tell him that I believe his blood sugar is dropping, he more than likely becomes defensive.  When I am right, I do not receive an apology--unless he acts like a complete jerk.

 

It's getting harder and harder to live with him.  We have two daughters (6 months and 4 years), and I feel like I don't want to deal with his diabetes any longer.

My husband is a type 1 diabetic and believe me, when his blood sugar runs high and low, it's a really KILLER to our marriage. He never wants to take responsibility for his emotional level, so therefore absolutely refuses to check himself claiming that it's all my fault and being a *****. Well, gee, I wonder why that should come about?!!!!! We're having a wonderful weekend and all of a sudden he's yelling at the dog, proviking it to bark so he can yell at it, or just provoking me for the same reason. I finally get him to check himself and guess what, he's 298. When it comes to he's the only one making any money in the house and feeling sorry for Poor Him, I finally get him to check himself and, yup, he's 48.

 

Hey, get a grip and take responsibility. It's tough on all of us. I'm trying to find a spouse that has to go through this stuff and find out how they deal with it. This is really getting old.

 

20 years married to a diabetic and really HATING this **** disease!

This could have been posted by me ! It's always in the morning that my husband just can't deal with anything and anything can set him off into a rage ! Later in the day he is back to his regular self (no appologies...as if it never happened). All the crap has ruined family life and our marriage. He has had type 2 for several years, does exercise but seems to think he can eat whatever. Usually when I am away for a few days he will buy butter tarts.

I just want to tell you, you are not alone in how you feel.  I'm married to a type 1. He's had it for 30 years and we've been married for 21.  We have two teenage daughters.  Every argument, problem, etc. is my fault.  He is never wrong and will not apologize.  Our kids are alienated with him and sick of the arguing.  He just blames everything on us.  I often wonder what to do - maybe counseling.  I'm worried he's pushing his kids away and they won't come back to him.

I just posted to another person, but want to write you as well.  You can check my other post (to Abbey) if you like. This kind of abuse and nastiness is not normal.  If your husband does not agree for you to speak directly to his doctor, get ready to get counseling and/or leave with your kids.   Not letting a spouse talk to the doctor is CLEAR PROOF that the person knows very well that their conduct is WRONG and that the doctor is going to think THEY not YOU need more treatment.  Diabetes does not entitle a person to be "mean, irrational, hateful and verbally abusive" without consequences--the spouse who behaves like this is definitely looking at divorce.  Blaming you for his behavior is strictly denial.  Millions of diabetics would be shocked and horrified to hear that one of their own was actually trying to blame his spouse for his nasty behavior. Your husband will not get help for something he does not acknowledge is his problem to fix.  It is his job to get his moods under control and to treat you kindly and respectfully.  Otherwise he is modeling abusive behavior to your  children.  Your husband has total control over whether he acknowledges that his behavior (whatever the cause) is causing you to consider divorcing him, and total control whether he seeks help before it's too late or not.  If he digs in and blames you while abusing you, he doesn't leave you many options.  You should tell your own doctor (family, ob/gyn, etc.) about your circumstances.  I told mine and he called my husband's doctor himself and told him what he had heard from me. You can ask yours to do the same.  Your husband has a responsibility to you, his wife, to love, care for and protect you--his behavior is not expressing this.  However, maybe he has another problem...depression, for instance. Many men lash out and act hostile when they are depressed--and they also blame others for their problems.  Your husband's behavior also is probably really hurting your kids--is he aware of this?  Your husband has all the responsibility for managing his disease, along with his doctor's help.  You can NOT "help control"--if your husband cares to keep his family intact, he needs to recognize HE is responsible for managing his illness(es) better. You are responsible for your conduct, not his.  Do not feel guilty. Your husband has options he can take to radically improve your marriage.  He needs to pursue these options immediately and realize how his behavior has pushed your marriage into a wholesale crisis.  Can the two of you get marriage counseling --if you decide you can, be CERTAIN that your therapist (MSW or psychologist) has background that has trained them to treat substance abuse (alcoholism, drugs). In other words, most pastors are unqualified.  A disease that results in a person denying the impact of their behavior on their family and blaming others for their abusive conduct is best treated by an experienced therapist who knows how to deal with "denial" and "blame" issues.   Hope this helps.  I sincerely hope for the best for you.  Sometimes these dire circumstances do have a happy ending.

Thank sooo much for this site and this forum.  Until now anyone I have spoken to about this, says it has nothing to do with diabetes. I even asked a nurse friend of mine, because she's married to a type 2 diabetic. My husband is a type 1, and I really do love him very much. But I really think there needs to be support groups for the spouses or significant others, because this mood swing issue, obviously isn't being addressed by the medical community... or else the diabetics would be told, warned, that mood swings can be an integral part of their lives and that they need to learn to deal with it, not deny it.

Sorry you have not been well supported by the medical community. I am a fairly new diabetic (15 months)..originally classified as a type 2, but  about 7 months ago re-diagnose as a type 1...

 

My endo told my husband and I both (my husband is always welcome at my dr appts, and prob goes to about half--he is my rock) about mood swings. I get very drunkish when low--but grouchy when I have big swings either way--hubby says not nasty. He (and my children-both adults) always can see my numbers--my log book sits on the coffee table when I'm home. we are not hiders of the fact there is a diabetic in the house (glucose tabs in many rooms too)

 

He even learned how do do my infusion sites (shots before that) for my pump, and helped/helps me when I need it (I am a horrid needle phobe)

 

Both our local hospitals have support groups for the families of diabetics,,maybe one of your does?

 

Denise

I am reassured to hear that families are getting the support they need...some places!  Your husband sounds like a champ and you do too! I am gratified to hear it.   In my community, there was no such support at the time we needed it and my (now ex) husband would not admit his moods were problematic even after the fact.  My ex's doctor actually thought families WERE the problem--basically tried to say families concerned about their diabetic member's grouchy/hostile behavior were somehow to blame. His doctor had no assistance for families.  I think it is pretty common for diabetics (Type 1 in particular) to feel poorly when their sugar is high or real low--and it is great you are keeping a log book.  Families feel better when they can "see" that the moods are blood sugar induced and that their family member can see this as well, after an episode.  I think families can adjust to the mood swings if 1) the mood swings are "linked" to blood sugar, and 2) the diabetic is distressed over the impact of his/her mood swings on his/her family and asks his/her doctor for help with "control."  Families are challenged and hopeless when their diabetic member does NOT acknowledge that his/her moods are making life difficult for others and takes a position "just live with it."  The doctor is not consulted  because the diabetic in this family considers his/her mood swings HIS/HER FAMILY's problem.  I don't think the solution is just for family's to adjust to random outbursts and fits that are followed by NO apology or explanation.   I applaud the very successful way you are managing your diabetes--other people on this board can see how a responsible loving wife takes responsibility and how a loving husband supports her efforts! You GO!!

Terry,

 

Some of your comments speak such truth, but, you left your husband and it sounds like you don't have to deal with this anymore. Yet, you are reading about this online and have ( so much )to say to other married women about all that they should be doing. (?)  You're still dealing with some unresolved issues too.

Please stop advising women that verbal abuse, rage, bad behaviors and so on aren't "normal"  for diabetes sufferers.  There is so much documentation for this both online and in books.  Obviously, there wouldn't be so many similar testimonials in this forum if these weren't normal behaviors for people experiencing extreme highs/lows with regards to their Blood sugar.  I'm more interested in what role diabetes plays in all of this. 

People need a really strong "why am I going to do this" to get inspired to change his/her condition. Diabetics need alot of outside help. medical, counseling and spiritual.  Key is understanding of this disease, patience and helping your partner to see how much they need outside help.  By any means- besides arguing, forcing or brow-beating.  That's tricky.  Does anyone have a testimonial about what has helped to inspire your partner's trust in you?  Don't misunderstand, walking away may eventually be the right thing to do, but, it is always the easy way out.

Goggle "diabetes and rage" or "diabetes and behaviors/hostility".  Plenty of forums where honest diabetics have the courage to share with us that they have bad behaviors when they're blood sugars are out of balance.

 

Any Dr. or endochrinologist who knows anything will tell you about the connection.  Look up Blood suagr in the index at the end of any book on psychology, depression, or anger management. Blood sugar affects our thinking and our mind!  So much more evidence to suggest it does than it doesn't.  What diabetics are experiencing is real and causes depression and severe anxiety and rage at times.  I speak from experience with my husband and family members.  Does a Bipolar have severe high/low moods when not treating their condition?  Does an obssesive compusive act out ritualistic compulsions when not under going treatment?  We accept that don't we?  Diabetics have stange behaviors when BS is out of the healthy range period.  They will tell you this.  You can lean on the philosophizing of people who don't have diabetes, or you can learn from the people who know better than anyone.   

 

Is it fair?  No!  Is life fair?  I'm sure there's alot we could be doing better when our spouses start to act up.  Do we argue back and fight it out?  Be honest with yourself? Women in particular aren't good at backing off when men are mad or out of control.  My aunt has been such a good example to me of how to handle a husband with diabetic mood swings.  She accepts it.  She talks to him about it after he's calmed down.  Then, he usually goes and takes some additional insulin.  She thinks enough of herself and her marriage not to lose her influence over her husband by letting his moods beat her down.  She accepts that he won't be perfect around their family 100% of the time.  She's from an older genration. They've figured some things out that are lost on us younger women I'm afraid.  Hope this was helpful in some way.  Not intended to imply that I don't empethize with all of you.  Just want you to take a more balanced look at this. 

 

 

 

 

I am a 26 year old single mom of a two year old son. I have been dating a type one diabetic for a little over a year. Recently we started living together, and the last three months seem to be hell. I have read all the previous postings and I can totally relate. I know very little about diabetes, and my boyfriend seems to want me to remain uneducated on the topic. I believe this is because he has a genuine sweet tooth and also is very prideful. I know the way he manages his diabetes is wrong. He is hospitalized just about every four or five months with ketoacidocis, vomiting and such. Daily, his blood sugars run from the low sixties to anywhere in the three hundreds, cycling many times during the night. A few times a week he spikes all the way to the high five hundreds! He is insulin dependent and takes his shots like he is supposed to, yet his blood sugars are totally unmanageable. He goes most days without any meals or snacks and then eats a large dinner, jacks up his insulin.. and spends the night tossing and turning in and out of bed.. he seems to spend his days and nights eating glucose tablets and juice or taking shots and feeling nauseaus... he wont let me give any input on the situation. :( I am telling you all this because his moods are insane. One minute he is sad and depressed and feels everyone lets him down, blaming me and his family for not loving him, or "saving him" from whatever drama he has that day.. then the next, seemingly out of nowhere.. he is upset with me.. over the smallest things. I always tell him he thinks too much, and analyzes too much and picks me apart but that just makes it worse. He tells me i'm selfish and that i dont love him, and just gets sooo mad. Yelling and screaming like a moody teenager. He finds fault somehow in everything i do. And seems to have paranoid and controlling thoughts. The biggest problem is that after a few days of his badgering and nonstop criticizm, i loose it. I need some space. I can only take so many put downs before i snap, and when i do, suddenly i am using his disease against him. He says it's not his fault he acts this way and that if i break up with him for this behavior that i am breaking up with him because he is diabetic. I have read online so much about mood swings and blood sugars, but what is normal. Is it normal to yell and slam things? is it normal to get in my face and scream at me? I mean, some may say it isn't but what if he really can not control it??? I am so confused and tired of feeling like an emotional punching bag. The worst part is that he is the most amazing guy i have ever met. When he is acting normal, he is the most caring and affectionate man i have ever met. I just dont understand if this is normal for having such high blood sugars or if it is him using his diabetes as an excuse to treat me like crap? I dont want to leave him if this is something that can be managed a little better. I am bipolar myself so i understand the mood swings, but i dont yell or say hurtful things.. i do act quite ridiculous at times, but to be completely honest, i have controlled some of the worst manic episodes immagineable. any input would be appreciated.

I really don't know what to say.  My fiance sent me to this link (which I see now is a  forum) after apologizing for the millionth time for his horrible outburst and berating me. I am constantly crying and upset. My family life is not good and work is not a refuge so I feel imprisoned. I guess it's just relief to know it may not be me after all.

Don't Do it!  I have been married to my husband for 9 years!  He was diagnosed with  type 2 diabetes five years ago. All of the previous posts are true!  I don't need to say more.  However, we seprated for about a year and I let him back in...it was the worst mistake of my life!  He will not keep a job for over 7 months.  WHen he is working, he is complaining all of the time...he goes into the job looking for the bad instead of making it a good situation.  I am the bread winner and need to be treated like a woman....instead, I treat him like a woman, try to support him, cook for him....and the list goes on.  If I get rid of him again, he is not coming back!  

 

I am just tired of putting my children through this too....I don't want my daughter to gow up feeling like she has to be with a man who abuses her verbally and emotionally...it is just not worth it! 

I just stumbled on this website. In our town we do not have a diabetic support group and I do not understand why! This is a huge. Alot of us need support from each other! I met my husband 5 years ago and we have been married for 4 years. The friends he had around him never told how severe he was. I also met his parents and they did not tell me anything. So I fell in love with this wonderful guy and we got married and now I cry by myself alot. He does have mood swings and he doesn't realize how important it is to keep up with everything. I can certainly understand that person that said "run your not his mother".

 

It will be the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life. I have talked with my husband and he explained to me that he does every thing he is supposed to do, he takes his shots he checks his sugar he doesn't drink (some wine sometimes) but he also said sometimes these things just happen even if you are doing everything that you are supposed to. I told him then the next time he talks to the doctor he better let him know if my husband needs to change his medicine.

 

My husband is 43. In two weeks we have to go to Denver so he can get put on the transplant list. From the 3rd grade to present he has had so many ups and downs that it has damaged his sight, hearing and he has extremely high blood pressure.

 

You know what's hard for me? I love this man. Sure I do not like the name calling but I have learned to work around that even if it means I need to walk away. I have really had a lot more good times with him then bad. I have had plenty of opportunities to leave him but I just gave up.

 

Deciding wether or not to marry a person that has a disability is totally up to you. But if you ever need someone to talk to. Then we are all here for you. Did you marry him?

Boy oh boy, this all sounds familiar.  My husband does the same thing, only he's always been sort of a bastard.  I do feel as if I'm in an abusive relationship and our child is sometimes afraid of him. 

I'm so glad I stumbled across this. My husband knows that his diabetes causes mood swings, but it's so hard to live with. 14 years of marriage, type two only recently on insulin - metformin and diet previously. He can be lovely, but his temper is so awful. No kids. Before we got married, he said we'd get fertility treatment if necessary. Then he went back on that - got really angry whenever it was mentioned. He's got two grown-up adopted kids from first marriage. Seems I've now hit menopause and I feel so low. He now has heart trouble, and blames me for not being understanding.

It was so comforting to read your thoughts on this very uncontrollable disease. I am trying to understand how hard it is on a person dealing with this on a daily basis. My boyfriend is not doing so well with the coping and handling of his moods. He lashes out on me for the smallest things but I have learnt to keep quiet when I can sense him going into a mood. They do not remember what it is they say and when he finds me crying about something he said he does not understand as he has forgotten how cruel his words were.

I can understand anyone wanting to leave a relationship with a Diabetic but someone has to learn to understand how hard it is for them and be there for them! They do need someone to hold them and tell me we are there for them.

Hi,

 

I am a type 1 diabetic and I have been for 3 years now.

I found this site while searching for some answers to my moodiness.

Unfortunately my fiance and I got into a fight last night and she threatened to walk out on me, in the last few months we have fought more and more and she cries all the time because I act like a jerk when I am in my moods.

 

Let me tell you when they say that stress messes with your blood sugar boy are they right, when she walked out of the house, I lost it and I didnt know what to do.

 

I always say that my moods are caused by the fluctuations in my blood sugar's.

But atleast I can admit that I am moody and I dont always treat my fiance right.

But to tell the honest truth sometimes I have no clue what is happening.

Sometimes when we fight I just sit quiet, I feel so bad I just dont know what to say other than sorry. I want to say more but, I am afraid the more I say the more I might hurt her and I dont want that. I am really in love with her and we are supposed to get married in 4 months.

 

There are days that goes by when I am amazing according to my fiance but then there are days when I hate the world, I dont know why and I cant answer that question.

There are also days that I want to cry because I am sick of feeling like a pin cushion all day and every day, and as most doctor's tell you " for the rest of your life"

When you have lived 24 years of your life like a normal person and being able to do whatever you want whenever you want then suddenly one day all of that is taken away from you, it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. When I was diagnosed I cried for almost a week, and I could not accept that fact that it happened to me. From that day it got really hard, I got really good at counting carbs and eating healthy and I still do but 3 years ago I felt so depressed because I didnt have the freedom I once did, even now I have that feeling sometimes, not as much but it is a feeling that will unfortunately always be there until there is a cure. Even when i have a positive outlook on life and I am in a good mood, things can turn the complete opposite in a matter of seconds, but no one, not even doctors can explain it other than fluctuations in blood sugar.

 

Anyway, luckily I have never been to the point of saying I wish I was never put on this earth, of course I am glad I am on this earth, I love everything about my life other than diabetes, my fiance has been by my side through everything, but still this damned disease is attempting to beat us and I do not want to let it win because I love my fiance too much.

 

So as I came into work today I thought, if it is blood sugar fluctuations that are causing my moods, what can I do to fix it.

I decided to look at an insulin pump since it is probably the next best thing to a cure.

So I am going to try that because I cannot have any more fights or treat my fiance like dirt, she doesnt deserve it , no one does.

 

So I am hoping that if the insulin pump helps keep my blood sugar's normal, that I can lead a happy, healthy and long life with my Fiance who will hopefully love me and not despise who I am because of this disease.

 

 

Needless to say, the unfortunate reality is that no matter what you say to someone being diabetic or not, you cannot change who or what that person is unless they are willing to change themselves.

You can say all you want to them, and get into as many fights and debates as you want.

 

But in the end it is up to that person to change.

 

Thanks

 

Well, I have never gone to the point of physical abuse with my fiance, I think any man who is diabetic or not should be shot for physically abusing a woman. No woman/or man deserves to be hit by there significant other.

 

So I would say if you are being physically abused, then he doesnt love you.

If he loved you he would treat you with respect and love, not hate and abuse.

Even if he is bad one minute and good the next minute, he obviously has abusive tendencies and you should leave sooner rather than later.

You can try helping him, but if he has an abusive attitude he will just get upset and hurt you again.

 

If he is having mood swings like crazy and he is diabetic the only thing you can do is try and help him get his blood sugars under control, they are obviously fluctuating alot if he is going from good to bad. Is he seeing his diabetic team(nurses,doctor's)on a regular basis, if not then that is the first step to get his sugar levels under control.

Once they are under control he may not have so many mood swings.

 

Based on the sound of his attitude he might still be in denial of his diabetes, I was and I still am pissed at the world that I had to get this disease, I dont want to be mad but sometimes having to stick yourself with needles and prick you fingers all the time gets kind of old, and its hard to be happy all the time.

 

bottom line is, if he is physically abusing you, you need to get out.

You are in the 11th grade, you have tons of time and you are still young.

I am sure there is someone out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

 

I went through a somewhat abusive relationship, I was with her and I say again "her", I say this only because it is usally the man that is abusive to the woman, but not in my case. So anyway I was with her for almost 10 years, it took me that long to leave and I regret not leaving earlier. Once I left, 3 months later I found my current fiance and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

Thanks and good luck.

Thanks so much for your advice! I appreciate it and I will follow your advice! thanks again!!!

My father has been diabetic since before I was born.  I am 27 now and I can't tell if it is worse now.  When I was a kid he kept his diabetes somewhat secret we did not talk about what it was.  It casued me to have nightmares that he would die, because I did not know what diabetes was.  When I was kid and saw my fathers outburst they terrified me.  I never knew what I was doing wrong, he would scream and yell, break my toys and sometimes even hit me.  My mother is a distant person and will not speak about the outbursts.  She will not tell me when things are getting worse, she just says he is fine. 

     I had no idea this could be realted to diabetes until a few years ago.  For those of you with children in these situations, I suggest you at least talk about why this happens.  Growing up I always felt it was my fault he was angry and I never could figure out what I did wrong.  It still happens to this day but at least I don't live there anymore.  I try to understand it is his illness making this happen, but when he eats the way he does he is not helping himself either. 

    

 

you are much too young to be experiencing these problems with your man.  I am telling you now, you will have a lifetime of heartache with him if he is abusive to you now.  You must get your little head together and make changes.  You are "in for it" if you do not break up with him the next time he flares up with abuse.  Cut it short, cut it off before you progress much longer with him. The longer you stay, the harder it is. i think you know yourself you are doomed if you stay with this man or you would not have any reason to write in this blog.  I have faith in you that you will make the right decision for your life.

Thank you for the site and the stories!   I get the mood swings from my husband and the accusing and pointing of the fingers.  OH MY goodness JEALOUSY for some reason is building up!   I'm always there and always taking care of him.  Just don't get it.  But my biggest problem is when he is waiting for an answer and I have no answer for him and he is waiting.  what is the right answer?  If you are a diabetic man what do you want to hear?

From A Mother's Point of View

 

I had the kindest son. He was always considerate and thoughtful of everyone.

After graduating from school, he moved across the country to live, and he ended up getting a great job.

But then he was diagnosed with diabetes 1 when he was 31 yrs old. When the Doctor told him, he phoned me and he was crying.

Eventually, my life caused a particular set of circumstances, and I finally ended up having to also move across the country--and I moved in with him. I have been living with him for 4 yrs now.

All I can say is, what a contrast! Since he has been diagnosed with diabetes 1, for no apparent reason, he will blow up and say the most awful things, including things that are not true. His memory does not seem to be working well and he makes many false accusations that are not true, and have never been true, and he does not even have his facts correct. His mood swings will cause him to say one thing one minute--and the exact opposite thing the next moment--many times, things that are very hurtful, or just plain incorrect. Usually, at those times I will withdraw to my room because to continue to try to reason with him logically, or to correct the facts only makes him angrier and madder, prone to more outbursts and more accusations. Then amazingly, he has absolutely no recollection of the conversation ever having taken place, or of his having made any angry remarks and outbursts at all!

I should add here that he also drinks, which I don't think he should be doing. I don't know if this is adding to his mood swing problems, or how much. He usually drinks a few martinis when he comes home from work, or instead will consume 1 whole bottle of wine by himself. At first, I mentioned the drinking, but of course, my bringing up the subject only made him angrier.

One day, after I had enough, I went to his Doctor's office in person to discuss these upsets, but no one there would tell me anything because of HIPPA. The Receptionist said that she could not even admit whether or not he was a patient there because of HIPPA.

I have tried every approach with my son, but nothing works when he's having his mood swings. Usually, withdrawing to my room works best. Then in the morning, he remembers nothing. It's a sad way to live and very depressing for me.

I care about my son more than anyone. I pray for him and pray for a total cure to this destructive disease.

I'm so appreciative of this site because I didn't know that other people were also experiencing similar situations. Please pray for a cure....

My god this site is truely a lifeline!  I joined diabetes Uk hoping to get advice from the wives and partners of type 1 diabetics.

I've been reading all the posts and feel choked up and also relieved as I know that other women are experiencing the same problems with their partners.

My boyfriend has had type 1 for 20 years and I moved in with him 10 mths ago.

He works long hours but has his blood sugar pretty well controlled however the moodswings are unbearable.  No matter what I do, it's not good enough and believe me I do EVERYTHING!! In addition to the horrendous moods he is completely beyond reasoning and I am made to feel that I am the problem.  Usually a few days later I will receive an apology of sorts and promises of reform then its back to square one again!  Sometimes it very hard to love him and then I feel bad.  He has never hit me but I feel that abusive behaviour, shouting, lack of respect etc is just as damaging.  I have drawn a line in the sand a few times but feel that I'm losing all control of the situation.  He is (while in normal mode) a wonderful man and I don't want to give up on him.  Of course as time goes on the condition will worsen,

He has diabetes related conditions too. 

Underactive thyroid, high blood pressure, high cholestrol, stomach problems from medication!  erectile disfunction and now the start of neuropathy!

I would love to hear from anyone that is in the same boat with any advice and tips to deal with the bad days and even better would love to hear of success stories!

I take my hat off to all of you that are going through this and dealing with it better than I am!