mood swings

Thanks for writing back!  At least I know I'm not the only one.  I was diagnosed with hyer/hypoglycemia.  Which I guess means it can flucuate rapidly.  So I'm not actually diabetic.  I hope to try and stop it from coming!!  I try to eat low glycemic and all the other stuff they tell you to do!!

Thanks again!!

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Learn to recognize a bad mood and keep

quiet and away from innocent people

when it happens.

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 type 1 for 8 years. Usually when this happens to me it's usually too late to either shut up or get away from the innocent. By the time I realize that i'm being a class A ***** everyone around me hears it. I've picked fights over everything from kids not taking their clothes to thier room to no paper towel on the kitchen table. I try my best to apologize, but sometimes I usually feel so bad its hard just to face them.
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Hi,

I'm married to this wonderful guy, he just happens to have type 1 diabetes.  He often has mood swings, I know it's the diabetes, because half the time he doesn't remember the things he says and the other half he blames it on everyone else.

Is there some sort of support group for the people who live with and love those guys. Because some times it's hard to take and very hurtful. 

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Oh God Monique I totally could have written your post.  My husband's diabetes is all out wack right now and he has been a bear to live with - - including 3 nights in the last week that he didn't even come home!  He is off with "friends" drinking ... which makes the cycle worse.
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I am really struggling.  Your post has helped me in some way though.  Now I know I'm not the one going crazy.  My husband was diagnose 3 years ago.  He is a very kind and giving man.  But he has somewhat refused to acknowledge how serious this disease is.  He eats whatever he wants, won't go to the doctor because he doesn't want the doctor to scold him about his weight, etc.  One moment he is loving, giving and patient and in the next instance he's screaming at me for the silliest things.  Even when I apologize just to keep the peace - he continues to scream.  Anything will set him off.  I have begged him to go to the doctor and discuss this and he continues to believe that everything is my faught.  I can't go on like this.
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Ellie I am so sorry you are going through this.  All i can say is that I am in the same boat and I know how hard it is ... you love him and want to help, but the ups and downs and unpredictable moods are like being an abusive relationship.  
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Kathleen,

Thanks for responding to my comments.  I haven't written in a while.  My husband doesn't want me talking to anyone about "our problems" and is suspicious of me being on the computer.  This is so crazy!  I use to be this fiercely independent soul.  I have decided to work on me!  But it's hard.  We BOTH have said so many things during the anger outbursts.  What's so nutty is I'm giving him a out and a excuse for his outbursts and he still gets mad.  He almost had me convinced I was bipolar.  Finally a friend came to me and told me she had noticed me pulling away.  I put a good front on for everyone else.  I would like to see a therapist, but he says not to go without him. I say okay.  Then he changes the subject.  If I bring it back up... here we go again.  I have no one to talk to.  He is a very public figure.  I am so afraid he is going to fall out from a stroke, then I will had added guilt.  I can't talk his doctor either.  I know I sound like a whiner, but I am so tired of apology after apology and all the while knowing things will be back to square one any time.  Can someone help me with any kind of advice? 

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OMG.  I am so glad that I found this web site.  You all have no idea how grateful I am.  My husband has been type 2 for 10 yrs now.  And I never realized that his HORRIBLE mood swings were do to his blood sugar levels being out of whack.  Now I do.  We have been married now for over 10 yrs and together for over 13.  I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids.  My daughter has been the one who always gets the brunt of his "mood" swings.  And every year they seem to get worse.  He takes his meds, excerises, goes to the Dr.  He does usually does what the Dr. says.  But when he runs out of meds, he doesn't get them replaced.  He feels he can control his diabetes w/ diet and excerise alone.  We all know that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  He should really be on insulin.  But he won't do it!!!  He has this habit of picking fights not only w/ me but usually my daughter.  It's just not fair.  Everytime he gets in a mood, he lashes out and it's my daughter that gets it all the time.  I have finally have had it.  I am going to call his Dr. w/ out him knowing and let the Dr. know what is going on and if things don't change I will take my daughter and leave.  This is ridiculous and most definitely not fair to anyone living in my house.  Thanx so much for letting my voice be heard and if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to post them.

 

Lisa

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Pull yourself together.  You must be  a

real joy to your family/friends/co-workers!!

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My husband is a type 1 diabetic and believe me, when his blood sugar runs high and low, it's a really KILLER to our marriage.  He never wants to take responsibility for his emotional level, so therefore absolutely refuses to check himself claiming that it's all my fault and being a *****.  Well, gee, I wonder why that should come about?!!!!!  We're having a wonderful weekend and all of a sudden he's yelling at the dog, proviking it to bark so he can yell at it, or just provoking me for the same reason.  I finally get him to check himself and guess what, he's 298.  When it comes to he's the only one making any money in the house and feeling sorry for Poor Him, I finally get him to check himself and, yup, he's 48.

 

Hey, get a grip and take responsibility.  It's tough on all of us.  I'm trying to find a spouse that has to go through this stuff and find out how they deal with it.  This is really getting old.

 

20 years married to a diabetic and really HATING this **** disease!

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Yeah. I'm really done with my diabetic relationship also. After years of trying to support him, encourage him to exercise and eat right, deal with his erectile dysfunction ... he continues to make the wrong decisions, and he still smokes and drinks. If I stay, in 10 years I'll be dealing with a amputee in a wheel chair. Somehow in all this ridiculousness he claims its all my fault.
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I was so relieved to find this forum today! I was beginning to wonder if I was being overly sensitive to my husband's moods/anger, but I know I'm not. We've been married for 8 years and he's been diagnosed with Type 2 for 5 years (he may be Type 1 now). He does not control his diabetes--eats whatever he likes and does not take his meds. When he does take them, they bother his stomach b/c he doesn't get over that initial adjustment, so he stops again. He won't follow up with the doctor unless I call, make the appointment, etc. I finally gave up on trying to get him to follow through.

He is quite possibly the most negative person I have ever met and it has become exhausting to live with. He never has anything nice to say about anyone and sometimes it feels like he is just constantly yelling at everyone. We have 2 young daughters (3 & 5) and he just loses his patience/temper with them over the smallest things.  Lately, he's been making strange accusations -- one day he couldn't find his wallet and accused me of hiding it from him. This weekend he questioned me about a picture message that I received a few weeks ago (wrong number) and a couple calls that came up as "unavailable" on my phone (it was the mortgage company) as if I was talking to another guy on the side. It seemed so strange and motivated me to search for more information about depression, anger & diabetes. I have always suspected that he is depressed, and I know his anger is awful, but I didn't realize it could be because of his diagnosis. We JUST bought a new house and after this weekend I'm thinking I made a huge mistake, b/c now I feel stuck.  Sometimes, I just want to leave. I was taking Lexapro b/c I couldn't deal with it, but I feel like he's the one that needs it. It's not healthy for our daughters or me. We've been to a marriage counselor, but I kind of doubt I'll get him to go back. I'm not perfect--I'll give it back to him, but I'm tired of fighting and living like this. I've started to just walk away or hang up when he starts yelling at me. I'm not going to take it anymore. This weekend he would not let it go though. He kept trying to get me to fight with him -- was poking me in the back and then pulled the pillow out from under my head and threw it across the room.  Are there any resources/support groups for people like us?  Thanks for reading this.

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I know exactly how you feel believe me my husband can be areak *** and he says things that hurt my feelings I mean he is ruthless and I am the innocent bystander in this I remeber one time I had just prepared dinner and I walked around to give him a kiss and I told him I loved him he flipped well if you loved me you should be paying more bills,you are in my space and it took off from there he is cruel and Im getting ready to go if things do not get better i will be gone he has been type 2 diabetic for 18 years and the on again off again is too much I never know what to expect and I have high blood pressure and I refuse to continue this diabetes or not.So what you are experiencing I can relate too very much,then after it all blows over he'll come and tell me he's sorry that is not going over with me everything gets old after away.
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OMG! Been married 20 years too to a guy with Type 1. It is getting harder. He hasn't been able to keep a job longer than 2 years in the past 10 years. I worry that if I leave him, he will llive alone and he has had some low sugars in the night in the 20's. It is very hard for me to help him. He fights me, berates me, yells at me and makes me not want to help him. In the end, I know, he could die if I don't wake up at 3am and help him, even when he doesn't want my help. I hear you, he thinks it is everyone else. He yells and makes his demands and we all (me and my 2 teenagers) try to appease him. I have been wondering if this is just his personality or his diabetes. I have health issues too but we all seem to coddle him. I feel like I am trying to raise another teenage boy, not live with my husband of 20 years. Wanna talk?

 

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Maybe you can help me.  I go with a diabetic and out of the blue he said some hurtful things and felt like he was pushing me away.  He says I have too much time on my hands as I just retired from teaching and that I am too serious.  I just tried to discuss a few things that bothered me and he got very angry.  Is this normal with someone with diabetes?  If it is maybe I should rethink this relationship. 
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i to have a husband with tupe 1 diabetes.  This weekend while coming home a friend's birthday party he freaked out in the car screaming that I was trying to kill him with my horrible driving...he drank too much and his sugar levels were a mess.  I get so tired of deciding when to call the paramedics or when to continue to fight him to get him to "come out of it".  It is so frustrating the next morning when he refuses to acknowledge any of this.  I know he can't remember it all but he does remember some.  I feel so mad/hurt and know that I come across as a real bi&*% when othere people see me try to "handle" him with sterness since me being kind doesn't get through his fog...My kids try to help but have become desensitized also to his condition.  20 years of this and I am aging and becoming so heard hearted...I wish there was a refuge from it.
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Yeah, I am having the same problem with my dad, especially today, my anger is emerging rapidly, when I heard, that he doesn't want me to bring my mom to a party and as a consequence she canceled it. He thinks, that it is kind of showing off, to bring her by car, and the costs are too high and so. I get so desperate that I just wanna run away from home. What is the solution to it?
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After Just reading what you wrote I felt like this was a mirror for me.  My husband has had diabetes 2 for almost 20 yrs and it has gotten worse.  He takes pills and refuses any other meds.  He bikes and walks and yes the exercise is good for him but its not the only answer in his case.  The endocronologist got rid of him because he would not go on insulin so he went to our regular doctor and knows how to act like he is the doctor.  You never know when he is off the wall and always is right about everything.  One moment I think its me and he is nice and the next I say why am I still in this marriage of hell....36 yrs of this!  Is there a group for people living with diabetics?   There should be one. 
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I sympathize with you. My husband had Type 1 and constant unpredictable moods. It was like living with an alcoholic--no idea from one minute to the next what would set him off. He blamed it all on the diabetes, but frankly, as a spouse you can't buy this all the time. Not to mention that a spouse with mood swings is rarely "there" for you because they are in one of their moods and unavailable to you. He never apologized for being irritable, moody and wierd.  I agree that couples dealing with mood problems associated with diabetes need help--and run, do not walk, to get marriage counseling or family therapy.  The answer is not just "put up" with a spouse who is moody and mean (and unaccountable because "it's the illness.")  I left my husband years ago and it was a relief. If we had received marriage counseling, perhaps we would have learned how to deal constructively with the negative emotional fallout his diabetes had on our marriage. Diabetes does not give you a free pass to act ugly with your family and colleagues--and then just act as if they are supposed to forget it.  If I had diabetes and was wierding out all the time, I would know it was my problem to solve...not everyone else's problem to endure. Get help yourself now, even if your husband is unwilling. A good therapist will help you find ways to deal with this. I frankly think the majority of marriages with brittle Type 1 and some with Type 2 struggle with this. It is malpractice for doctors to pretent they don't know it's a major problem!

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So glad to read this. I have been married for 9 years and my husband found out 4 years ago he has Type I. I have had enough. He is out of control. He has his highs w/ moods for a week or so and then lows for several weeks. But sometimes when he test his sugars, they are normal. So I am beginning to think that its not diabetes. Couldn't it be something else? Now that I am telling him our marriage is over b/c I just can't take it anymore, he says its his diabetes that makes him act like this. He doesn't even know when he is being so mean. Never says I am sorry. Everything is always my fault and I do everything wrong. Sometimes I am scared to tell him things b/c I know now some of his trigger/buttons. I have given up w/ trying to get him to test his sugar. He does eat good most of the time and excercises. I am sick of trying to figure this out....
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Hi Abbey--

Know this must be such a hard time for you.  I have a couple of comments for you and they apply to a couple of other people in this thread as well.  First, a family member who is having these destructive mood swings and taking them out on their family or spouse MUST let their family member speak directly to their doctor about it.  Although it is good (and essential) that the diabetic person him/herself raise this as a crisis issue to their doctor, they should also agree to let their spouse or whomever their behavior is upsetting to talk to the doctor as well.  This is necessary because your spouse is unlikely to describe the real impact his/her behavior has on YOU because they 1) are too out of control when they act out that they actually can't remember what they said or did and 2) your feelings, not theirs, are the issue.  You are being "expected" to put up with conduct that is simply unacceptable and abusive.  I do not know of ANY endocrinologists who would ADMIT that HOSTILE OUTBURSTS and RAGING MOOD SWINGS are NORMAL--they are NOT NORMAL.  (Note:  have you noticed how difficult it is to find, on any diabetes website, acknowledgement of mood problems? There's a reason!) The doctor needs to know this is going on--it is critical.  It shows that the current treatment is NOT WORKING CORRECTLY.  Your spouse may need a big adjustment in his insulin timing, number of shots, or whatever.  The doctor must be told BY YOU that if this does not get under control, you are planning to leave your spouse. Believe me, unless the doctor is a quack, they will snap to in a hurry and seriously reconsider the treatment they are recommending as well as whether your spouse is actually doing what he/she is supposed to.  Providing that the treatment is effective (blood sugar stays in good range nearly all the time) and your spouse takes responsibility for bad behavior (apologizes when blood sugar is clearly to blame for outbursts), then there is another possibility--that your husband is suffering from a concurrent disorder like depression, bipolar disorder, etc.  Both these conditions are suggested by angry outbursts and mood swings.  So it may have nothing to do with diabetes at all.   A KEY QUESTION:  Is your spouse "working with" you or against you?  If they admit their behavior is bad and express sadness over it and what it is doing to your marriage and want to get help, talk to their doctor about it and let you talk to their doctor about it, then they might just be diabetic and there is totally hope for your relationship.  If not, though--they don't admit their hostile outbursts and nastiness are inappropriate and hurtful, they do not apologize to you (or worse, blame you), they do not tell their doctor about their outbursts and mood swings (i.e. request help) and forbid you to tell the doctor, then your spouse's problems sound psychological--they are in denial and/or have some other emotional problem!!!!  Whatever their problem, you cannot be expected to endure abuse and have to take care of yourself.  Get out of there.  There is NO ACCEPTABLE REASON for a spouse to act abusively and unapologetic about it--this is abuse, period.  If you talk to your spouse's doctor, give explicit examples of the behavior...I guarantee that no doctor is going to condone it as something you are supposed to "put up with" because it is the disease.  Even people married to destructive alcoholics are told--do not ever accept abuse from your drunk spouse...REHAB CENTERS DO NOT PERMIT ALCOHOLICS TO ACT UP LIKE THIS no matter how ill they are.  Ponder whether your issue is really "abuse" and not about diabetes at all.  Also, consider whether your husband is like this around other people (at work, at his relatives, at neighborhood functions, etc.) or just behind closed doors at home.   I knew diabetes was a cover for my now ex-husband when I realized his crazy behavior was at home (and very rarely any other place) and he tried to blame everything on me.  As i said in an earlier message, I left him after a 20 year marriage and have never had a day where I would want that life back.  I believe his problem was not his diabetes--he used it as an excuse.

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I understand what you are going through.  For the most part, my husband is a great guy.  However, if I tell him that I believe his blood sugar is dropping, he more than likely becomes defensive.  When I am right, I do not receive an apology--unless he acts like a complete jerk.

 

It's getting harder and harder to live with him.  We have two daughters (6 months and 4 years), and I feel like I don't want to deal with his diabetes any longer.

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My husband is a type 1 diabetic and believe me, when his blood sugar runs high and low, it's a really KILLER to our marriage. He never wants to take responsibility for his emotional level, so therefore absolutely refuses to check himself claiming that it's all my fault and being a *****. Well, gee, I wonder why that should come about?!!!!! We're having a wonderful weekend and all of a sudden he's yelling at the dog, proviking it to bark so he can yell at it, or just provoking me for the same reason. I finally get him to check himself and guess what, he's 298. When it comes to he's the only one making any money in the house and feeling sorry for Poor Him, I finally get him to check himself and, yup, he's 48.

 

Hey, get a grip and take responsibility. It's tough on all of us. I'm trying to find a spouse that has to go through this stuff and find out how they deal with it. This is really getting old.

 

20 years married to a diabetic and really HATING this **** disease!

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This could have been posted by me ! It's always in the morning that my husband just can't deal with anything and anything can set him off into a rage ! Later in the day he is back to his regular self (no appologies...as if it never happened). All the crap has ruined family life and our marriage. He has had type 2 for several years, does exercise but seems to think he can eat whatever. Usually when I am away for a few days he will buy butter tarts.

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I just want to tell you, you are not alone in how you feel.  I'm married to a type 1. He's had it for 30 years and we've been married for 21.  We have two teenage daughters.  Every argument, problem, etc. is my fault.  He is never wrong and will not apologize.  Our kids are alienated with him and sick of the arguing.  He just blames everything on us.  I often wonder what to do - maybe counseling.  I'm worried he's pushing his kids away and they won't come back to him.
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I just posted to another person, but want to write you as well.  You can check my other post (to Abbey) if you like. This kind of abuse and nastiness is not normal.  If your husband does not agree for you to speak directly to his doctor, get ready to get counseling and/or leave with your kids.   Not letting a spouse talk to the doctor is CLEAR PROOF that the person knows very well that their conduct is WRONG and that the doctor is going to think THEY not YOU need more treatment.  Diabetes does not entitle a person to be "mean, irrational, hateful and verbally abusive" without consequences--the spouse who behaves like this is definitely looking at divorce.  Blaming you for his behavior is strictly denial.  Millions of diabetics would be shocked and horrified to hear that one of their own was actually trying to blame his spouse for his nasty behavior. Your husband will not get help for something he does not acknowledge is his problem to fix.  It is his job to get his moods under control and to treat you kindly and respectfully.  Otherwise he is modeling abusive behavior to your  children.  Your husband has total control over whether he acknowledges that his behavior (whatever the cause) is causing you to consider divorcing him, and total control whether he seeks help before it's too late or not.  If he digs in and blames you while abusing you, he doesn't leave you many options.  You should tell your own doctor (family, ob/gyn, etc.) about your circumstances.  I told mine and he called my husband's doctor himself and told him what he had heard from me. You can ask yours to do the same.  Your husband has a responsibility to you, his wife, to love, care for and protect you--his behavior is not expressing this.  However, maybe he has another problem...depression, for instance. Many men lash out and act hostile when they are depressed--and they also blame others for their problems.  Your husband's behavior also is probably really hurting your kids--is he aware of this?  Your husband has all the responsibility for managing his disease, along with his doctor's help.  You can NOT "help control"--if your husband cares to keep his family intact, he needs to recognize HE is responsible for managing his illness(es) better. You are responsible for your conduct, not his.  Do not feel guilty. Your husband has options he can take to radically improve your marriage.  He needs to pursue these options immediately and realize how his behavior has pushed your marriage into a wholesale crisis.  Can the two of you get marriage counseling --if you decide you can, be CERTAIN that your therapist (MSW or psychologist) has background that has trained them to treat substance abuse (alcoholism, drugs). In other words, most pastors are unqualified.  A disease that results in a person denying the impact of their behavior on their family and blaming others for their abusive conduct is best treated by an experienced therapist who knows how to deal with "denial" and "blame" issues.   Hope this helps.  I sincerely hope for the best for you.  Sometimes these dire circumstances do have a happy ending.
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Thank sooo much for this site and this forum.  Until now anyone I have spoken to about this, says it has nothing to do with diabetes. I even asked a nurse friend of mine, because she's married to a type 2 diabetic. My husband is a type 1, and I really do love him very much. But I really think there needs to be support groups for the spouses or significant others, because this mood swing issue, obviously isn't being addressed by the medical community... or else the diabetics would be told, warned, that mood swings can be an integral part of their lives and that they need to learn to deal with it, not deny it.
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Sorry you have not been well supported by the medical community. I am a fairly new diabetic (15 months)..originally classified as a type 2, but  about 7 months ago re-diagnose as a type 1...

 

My endo told my husband and I both (my husband is always welcome at my dr appts, and prob goes to about half--he is my rock) about mood swings. I get very drunkish when low--but grouchy when I have big swings either way--hubby says not nasty. He (and my children-both adults) always can see my numbers--my log book sits on the coffee table when I'm home. we are not hiders of the fact there is a diabetic in the house (glucose tabs in many rooms too)

 

He even learned how do do my infusion sites (shots before that) for my pump, and helped/helps me when I need it (I am a horrid needle phobe)

 

Both our local hospitals have support groups for the families of diabetics,,maybe one of your does?

 

Denise

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I am reassured to hear that families are getting the support they need...some places!  Your husband sounds like a champ and you do too! I am gratified to hear it.   In my community, there was no such support at the time we needed it and my (now ex) husband would not admit his moods were problematic even after the fact.  My ex's doctor actually thought families WERE the problem--basically tried to say families concerned about their diabetic member's grouchy/hostile behavior were somehow to blame. His doctor had no assistance for families.  I think it is pretty common for diabetics (Type 1 in particular) to feel poorly when their sugar is high or real low--and it is great you are keeping a log book.  Families feel better when they can "see" that the moods are blood sugar induced and that their family member can see this as well, after an episode.  I think families can adjust to the mood swings if 1) the mood swings are "linked" to blood sugar, and 2) the diabetic is distressed over the impact of his/her mood swings on his/her family and asks his/her doctor for help with "control."  Families are challenged and hopeless when their diabetic member does NOT acknowledge that his/her moods are making life difficult for others and takes a position "just live with it."  The doctor is not consulted  because the diabetic in this family considers his/her mood swings HIS/HER FAMILY's problem.  I don't think the solution is just for family's to adjust to random outbursts and fits that are followed by NO apology or explanation.   I applaud the very successful way you are managing your diabetes--other people on this board can see how a responsible loving wife takes responsibility and how a loving husband supports her efforts! You GO!!
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Don't Do it!  I have been married to my husband for 9 years!  He was diagnosed with  type 2 diabetes five years ago. All of the previous posts are true!  I don't need to say more.  However, we seprated for about a year and I let him back in...it was the worst mistake of my life!  He will not keep a job for over 7 months.  WHen he is working, he is complaining all of the time...he goes into the job looking for the bad instead of making it a good situation.  I am the bread winner and need to be treated like a woman....instead, I treat him like a woman, try to support him, cook for him....and the list goes on.  If I get rid of him again, he is not coming back!  

 

I am just tired of putting my children through this too....I don't want my daughter to gow up feeling like she has to be with a man who abuses her verbally and emotionally...it is just not worth it! 

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