Month two of my healthier lifestyle resolution is more than halfway over. I definitely feel better and have been putting more of an effort into taking care of my whole self. But stepping on the scale, I can't help but feel somewhat disappointed. After almost two months of better eating and more exercise, I have lost only a few pounds. And the numbers on the scale seem to go up before they go down, only to go back up again. I just feel stuck. My brain tells me that the scale doesn't tell the entire story. I know all about the importance of building muscle (which weighs more than fat). I know that putting healthy foods into my body and working out instead of sitting around is better than the alternative. Still, I can't seem to get past that number staring back and me every morning.
The other day after work, I decided to take a little break for myself and go to the pub for a pint with a girlfriend. I just wanted to relax and not think about work or dieting for a few hours. It was definitely nice to chill out. About an hour later, I see a familiar face approaching. It was Caitlin, and old friend that I hadn't seen in almost a year. As she walked up to me, her eyes got really big and the first thing she said was, "Aubree, oh my God! You look amazing!" Now, I am not the kind of person who can't take a compliment, but I was genuinely shocked to hear her say that.
Later that night, I started thinking about perfection. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and wondered what I was so stressed out about. I have certainly come a long way from the 5'3", almost 200 pound girl that I was in college. There is no point in getting mad at the girls who can eat whatever they want, never work out, and still weigh 120 pounds. Maybe they are small, but are they even healthy? I remember reading an article a while ago about "fat skinny girls". The article was about women who looked thin and healthy on the outside but who were actually in pretty bad shape on the inside because they ate junk food and never exercised. I suppose I am the opposite...a "fat skinny girl". Ok, so I'm not fat, I know that. But I have this (probably unreasonable) idea in my head of what I want to look like, especially on October 16th when I walk down the isle. But the fact is, as long as I am taking care of my insides, the rest will eventually follow. And looking in that mirror, I realized that the outside is not so bad.
I'm starting to think that maybe I am not meant to weigh 130 pounds. I know that I can lose a few more pounds and absolutely tone up. But there is no way in hell that I will be wearing a bikini on my honeymoon and not have an ounce of cellulite. I will never look like Salma Hayek did in "From Dusk ‘til Dawn". Maybe if I can just get this unrealistic future body image of myself out of my head, I can instead concentrate on how well I am doing in the present. Sure, I am going to have a pint of beer here and there but that doesn't mean I am doomed to failure.
Maybe I have been putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect, and that stress is causing my body to hang onto some extra weight. Ok, so I may have to get my dress let out a bit, is that really the end of the world? All I can do is keep trying my best, and know that my future husband will think I am beautiful on our wedding day, so I might as well too. I am going to keep working towards my goal, however. I'm just not going to be so hard on myself when I step on that scale.
Published On: February 23, 2010