I was browsing the web the other day when I came across an article entitled "The un-wedding guide for a fed up bride". I happened to have been looking for reviews on the wedding planner I hired last year...the wedding planner whom--for some reason--refuses to call, text, or e-mail me back for weeks or even months at a time. I was contractually obligated to hire him so that I could have the venue I wanted. So far, not only has he done jack squat as far as planning goes (I should become a professional wedding planner after all the work I've done), but the man won't even pretend to care about my numerous attempts at contact. It's not that I feel my wedding day will be a disaster; it's just that I have a few simple questions regarding some logistics. Like budget. On top of that, I paid this dude up front, in full. And it wasn't cheap. I'm not expecting him to be at my beck and call, but I do expect the courtesy of a returned text now and then.
The article basically reminded me that the most important thing about a wedding is the marriage. Duh. Ok, I definitely know that. But it is admittedly easy to get caught up in all the bells and whistles that go along with planning the big day. Ever since that diamond found its way to my finger, I've been obsessed with slimming down so I'll look perfect on October 16th. My dress, still snug at the time of my first fitting, is being taken out as I write this sharepost. My next fitting is coming up this week, and I will find out if my struggle will continue, or I can relax a bit. Sadly, I have not lost the weight that I so wanted to lose, so I had no choice but to have it let out. I am proud of myself for eating healthier and getting to the gym more regularly, but upset that I will not meet my goal. The combination of that, the wedding planner fiasco, and more than a few other stressful events have me feeling like one fed up bride. And I'm not sure what to do to get my head right again.
Last night, I went to a local winery with my friend Candace. She is a massage therapist at the market where I work, and we have become extremely close since meeting. She is older than me by twenty years, but this has never stopped us from having a blast together. Candace is extremely intuitive and incredibly sweet. Over our wine and a lovely sunset, I told her about the stressors in my life that I felt were causing me to sabotage my resolution's success. After I finished and finally took a breath, she shared some serious wisdom with me. She said that when we are upset and stressed over something, the only way to live to our potential is to rise above it and make a conscious decision to live in the moment, rather than thinking of what we want in the future or could have done differently in the past. It seems almost impossible, but it can be achieved with some serious effort. I've often thought about my life in this way, only to return to the doldrums soon after when the positive thoughts give way to again being fed up. So what's a girl on a mission to do? I honestly don't know.
What it comes down to is accepting myself and living in the moment. But that's not what this resolution is about. Or is it? I resolved to lose weight. I promised myself and my readers and I don't want to let anyone down, especially myself. But I'm slowly realizing that maybe I'm just not ready to make the kind of changes that I promised to make. I really, really want to, but wanting something badly is seldom enough to make it happen. Maybe this year is more about learning what makes me tick, so that I can eventually reach my goals. I certainly have thought far more deeply about my health (both emotionally and physically) over this year than I can ever remember doing in the past. Although it feels like time is moving too quickly, I know I still have it on my side. For now, at least tonight, I give in to the moment.
Published On: July 22, 2010