My wedding dress has been a sore subject for me since the day that I bought it. As some of you may know, I made the purchase one week after I got engaged and decided that buying it one size too small would be great motivation to lose weight for the big day. All year, I've been working hard at the gym and on my diet to reach my goal, and although I have lost a few inches here and there, there is one thing that just won't change. Or shall I say two things.
Some say I have been "blessed" with a more-than ample chest. But let me tell you my friends, my cups runneth way over, and I don't like it one bit. When you're big-busted, you tend to look a bit on the trampy side in a top which would make a smaller chick look downright elegant. And when you are carrying extra weight on top of it all (no pun intended), it's even harder to pull off a sexy but polished without coming off like a well-aged Jessica Rabbit
My self image has been suffering since I was a teen because of my chest. And when I was seventeen (and the rest of me was still fairly trim), I decided-with my parents' blessing-to get breast reduction surgery. I thought that having smaller breasts would make me less noticeable to the rats otherwise known as high school boys. I also thought the surgery would make me look more petite and I'd be able to wear the same kinds of clothes that my girlfriends were wearing without coming across as the above mentioned cartoon rabbit's wife. Basically, I thought my problems would be solved. Man, was I ever wrong.
Not only was the surgery the absolutely most painful thing I have ever experienced, but post-op, I was also subjected to a string of traumatic events, including a ripped scar and a slight pain killer addiction. I slept on my back for a month, and when the bandages finally came off, my then boyfriend sweetly tried to hold back his gasps (or was it laughter?) at what I could only describe as Frankenstein's worst work. The scars are with me to this day.
Fast forward fourteen years. I became a woman and guess what happened? That's right...the chest grew back, and with a vengeance. Not only did I return to my original D cup size, but I eventually added two more letter "D's" to the equation. I'm not going to lie and tell you my fiancé has a problem with it, but if I'm not comfortable in my own skin then what's the point? Bras never fit right, unless I get them from the most expensive European boutiques. And who wants to deal with a beautiful French girl who might be a size two wrapping measuring tape around your chest and heaving a sympathetic sigh? No thanks.
This fiasco came into play the first time I tried on my wedding dress, and every time after that. The empire cut dress nips in and gives me fantastic curves at the waist, but comes down so low on top that I feared my glowing smile may not be the center of attention during my walk down the aisle. Not to worry, I was assured that with the proper undergarments and alterations, there would be no concern whatsoever. So I purchased the bustier I've been talking about all year and was even more mortified when I discovered that it hiked my chest up and out to the point where the whole Jessica Rabbit thing was seriously not too far off. No problem, I was told. Just lose a few pounds and pull the sucker down a bit, and all will be well. After three panicky fittings, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I bought myself a plain but supportive strapless bra and insisted on trying it on with my dress last week. I almost died when the seamstress said, "wow, that does look a lot better". YOU THINK??
I am finally happy with the way my wedding dress looks, and I've stopped feeling like I need to go get something else nip/tucked. I saw where the supposedly quick fix got me when I was seventeen and naïve. Finally rid of the grossly uncomfortable, push-up padded nightmare that was my bustier, I see that the real me is much better than anything else. It's a small victory in the self esteem battle, but finally being happy in my dress is huge. I'm looking forward to working on stress and toning, but mostly, I'm thrilled that I will soon be marrying the man of my dreams.
Published On: August 30, 2010