I've been kind of floating through life lately, enjoying my Tai Chi and yoga every Tuesday and Thursday, respectively. I experience such intense good vibes on those nights that it almost tricks my mind into thinking that the classes are enough to meet my goals. True, I have been so much more relaxed and happy since I began taking them, which certainly has translated into not worrying so much about my weight. But I know that I've been doing a bit of a backwards slide and slacking off at the gym because of this too. And if I've learned anything by now, it's that I absolutely have to commit to many different outlets in order to stick to my plans. Going to class twice a week and working out with Sandy on Wednesdays is great, but I need to keep up the pace on the other days too. I had a serious wake-up call the other day when I realized my work jeans were in the washer and had to dig out some pants that I wore just last year. To my horror and dismay, I couldn't even get them up over my hips. I haven't been weighing myself a lot lately so I stepped on the scale and found that I had gained back every bit of those lost six pounds from January.
Over the next few days, I pouted and cursed as I tried on more clothes and realized that many are getting tight. Come Valentine's weekend, I was completely distraught about not having anything cute to wear out on the date Billy and I had planned. So against everything I've been working on (get healthier financially!!), I rushed out to buy an outfit in one size bigger. Damn!
Between Superbowl weekend and the Valentine's holiday, I really overdid it with the eating. And slacking off at the gym was definitely the nail in the coffin. But it frustrates me to no end that even though I am, for the most part, trying harder with my diet and getting in workouts that I actually enjoy, I can't seem to get on top of the weight. And the more I gain, the worse I feel. And the worse I feel, the more I eat and slack off. The old emotional Aubree is rearing her ugly head. I just don't get it.
It feels like I have a split personality lately. One side of me is happy, making improvements and moving forward. The other side seems to be this emotional wreck who can't recover from slipups and lets things spiral out of control in a total state of unhappiness. Deep breaths, girl. Yes I am overwhelmed and immensely frustrated. Yes I'm mad that I thought I was taking such leaps and bounds in a positive direction only to find that I'm piling weight back on. But I just have to keep focusing on the fact that I am making positive changes, even if the outcome is not what I want it to be just yet. There's just this nagging voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying, "Ok then, when?"
I did meet with Deb today, the biofeedback practitioner I scheduled an appointment with as one of my new year's goals. It was a really interesting session and I already feel a little better knowing I have started this process with her. Through biofeedback, I will learn exactly where my body needs the most help, what foods I have sensitivities to, and how best to deal with any and all physical and emotional issues that may be going on. The technology actually pinpoints specific areas by reading energies. It's really cool. I will get the main report back in the next few days and am looking forward to seeing the results. I hope that something in there will answer some of my questions and possibly allay at least a little bit of frustration. I'll be reporting back on that soon!
Published On: March 01, 2011