March 21st was the official first day of spring according to the calendar. But it wasn't until yesterday that I felt the season finally arrive. It was sunny, in the high seventies, and a warm breeze was blowing. As soon as I got out of work, I immediately went home to enjoy the company of my good friend Christy and a few cold beers out on my deck under the sun. It was fabulous. Springtime always brings with it a chance to refresh and renew. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the changes that I want and need to make, as well as the obstacles standing in my way, so this seems like the perfect time to once again make a better effort to accomplish my goals.
Over the weekend, I went to the baby showers of two of my best friends. Seeing their glowing, happy faces reminded me of where I want to be, and the promise I made to myself to get healthy so I could start a family too. I think the dreary winter months encouraged me to slack off, if not completely forget about those high hopes and promises. But with spring in the air, I feel ready to get back down to business. Admittedly, I have been doing a very poor job of staying on track. In true Aubree style, I seem to get on a health kick which lasts for a few days, and then inevitably get frustrated or stressed out and turn back to cruddy eating and no exercise. I don't know if I just put too much pressure on myself or if I set my goals too high. Maybe I still haven't found the right thing for me. But I think the point is to just keep trying things until something sticks.
My biggest problem is definitely how I deal with stress. My second biggest problem is staying strong in tempting situations. By now you all know that I do everything I can to address problem number one. But problem number two seems especially tricky for me these days. I'm totally torn between being super strict to get to my goal weight, and just throwing in the towel in the name of letting loose and having fun. By now I know that there must be a balance, but that red-striped shirt wearing Waldo of a mystery evades me still. These days, my needy side keeps telling me to have fun and worry later. Like I deserve a night off to drink a few beers and eat my mom's famous taco casserole, which is exactly what I did yesterday on that glorious "first" spring evening. I know I can do better than this. And the scale starting to creep up again is more than a serious wake up call.
Bathing suit weather is approaching and I fear I might be spending another season worried about going to the beach and wearing cute summer clothes. Come on Aubree. Just connect those worries to your desires for total food freedom and all will be well. Right. With babies and bikinis dancing in my head, why is it so difficult to just buckle down and do this? I've been wondering lately if it's because my melancholy comes from not having direction for my future, and that translates into not putting enough effort into anything else. With taking care of my mom, working my fingers to the bone, and being broke weighing heavily on my mind, I finally had a breakthrough that I think may help me come out of this funk. I decided that if I want my future to be the bright and happy one I always imagined, than I absolutely have to take charge and do whatever it takes to make things better. My ideas are starting to flow and I feel super excited about turning them into a reality. I hope that this translates into more motivation for my health goals too. I'm finally optimistic that it will!
Published On: April 06, 2011