Memorial Day weekend came and went in a blur of potato salad, flip cup, and a ridiculous amount of yard work. With my brother's wedding fast approaching, Billy and I had a serious "honey do" list in front of us for quite some time, but we chose to wait until the holiday since we both had a three day weekend. What was on the menu? Mowing, weed eating, and hauling massive piles of tree limbs after sawing them down with chainsaws all while teetering on a ladder fifteen feet up. Fun. At least we made the best of it. We spent three days going between the manual labor and every cookout we could manage to find. Since I worked up such an intense sweat, I figured I could indulge a little bit. But I ended up indulging a little bit too much. We spent every night post-landscaping at our friend Christy's party pad (literally, a separate house built by her dad that is strictly for partying which we lovingly refer to as "The Doghouse"). We took in "The Hangover 2". We ate and ate. We are exhausted.
Not only am I tired and sunburned, I am also feeling the guilt of indulgence...again. And that's worse than anything else. I know I have a lot of stress and it's nice to burn off some steam with friends, but I always seem to overdo it. And doing so a week before having to stand up in front of family, friends, and total strangers for my bro's big day is making me feel pretty ridiculous. I'm scared to try on my dress. I have no idea if it fits. I know I need to try it on but what am I going to do if I can't close the zipper? Three days to go until the wedding and I'm sitting here totally freaking out and I could have avoided all of this if I had just practiced some self control. I'm really starting to think my head is just completely out of sorts. I mentioned getting some help with stress eating a while ago, but I had a couple of good weeks after that so I sort of forgot that idea. I guess it's time to revisit it.
Wow that's a lot of venting! Ok, I feel better now. I promised myself when I started this project a year and a half ago that I would always be honest, no matter how embarrassed I felt or how much it hurt. I think the beauty of honesty in this blog is that it forces me to really own up to my actions. Sometimes that's a great thing, and sometimes it's a really difficult thing, like tonight. I can't really keep writing about my failures without mentioning my successes, it's just that sometimes (well, often), it feels like I have so many more failures. I wish I didn't have to be so hard on myself, but I know that everyone is their own worse critic.
On a brighter-and perhaps somewhat controversial-note, I did decide to go ahead and try that HCG diet. I mentioned it a few weeks ago because I was struggling to make a decision about whether or not to do it. But after talking with my boss a little more, I feel like I've come to terms with trying it. She told me that, despite what I think I know, this diet is not a quick fix. It's not at all easy to do and requires some pretty hardcore dedication. And if you are careful, it can last for life. I'm still concerned because I'm obviously not the best when it comes to commitment with food, but I'm hoping this will give me something to focus on; something black and white to follow. She has assured me that this homeopathic version of the diet is safe and natural, and she herself lost twenty pounds recently by sticking to it. She wasn't even 100% strict with the eating. I will spend the rest of this week preparing, which, ironically, involves fat loading to help store energy. Ha! No feeling guilty eating that wedding cake. Bring it on, weekend.
Published On: June 02, 2011