After re-joining my old gym last weekend, I was really excited and totally motivated to get back on track. A couple of workouts had me thinking skinny, so much so that I decided I could stomach going shopping for a new outfit to wear for my upcoming anniversary dinner. I knew that I was nowhere near hitting that five pound goal (yeah, the one I decided was totally reasonable in two weeks), but I was feeling optimistic and decided to give it a try. Wow, was that a bad idea. I knew I'd gained a few pounds but it turns out that a few might as well translate into fifty when it comes to trying on clothes. I started out at the mall, and combed through nearly every store for the perfect outfit. What I really wanted was a sexy dress that would show off my (recently increased) curves. But-and I'm really not kidding-every single thing I put on was too small. I tried my old size, and quickly realized it was now actually my old size. I tried the next size up and had a classic meltdown when that was also too small. Then I flat out refused to put on a size bigger. But after hours and hours I finally caved and started trying that size. It was completely maddening to find that most of those items were too big. And I hated everything else that came close to fitting.
Three hours into this crazy-depressing and thus far failed shopping trip, I was on my way out of the mall when I caught a whiff of the most intoxicating smell. It was Auntie Annie's Pretzels, and for those of you who have never had one of their concoctions, I both feel sorry for and envy you; warm, doughy pretzels straight out of the oven, plain or coated with delicious toppings. In my downtrodden state, I just couldn't resist. Three bucks, one hot pepperoni pizza pretzel, and ten greasy fingers later, I was ready to cry. Its one thing to have a treat now and then, but it's entirely another to stuff your face out of pure spite. I was mad at the clothes, mad at the mall, and definitely mad at myself. I left the mall and headed for home, but decided to try and redeem myself at a few more stores that were on the way. Desperate, I gave up on the sexy dress idea and settled for a dark pair of tailored jeans that miraculously fit me. Maybe I could wear them with a pretty top and a pair of heels. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to buy something and go home. I had been shopping for six hours.
I spent what was left of the evening in serious sulk mode. Thankfully, I somehow woke up in a better mood and decided to forget the mall/outfit/pretzel incident and just move forward. Clearly, this is the way I work; this is me. It always takes some major incident to light my ass on fire, and I'm feeling pretty burned. That day, I went to the gym and worked out with a vengeance. I ate breakfast, didn't snack, had a healthy lunch, and cooked an amazing dinner. And since then, I haven't given up. The hardest part has definitely been not snacking at work, and not snacking between the gym and dinner. It's really hard, but I think it will start to get easier and easier the more I get used to it. I may have to settle for a less-than-gorgeous outfit this when I celebrate my one year wedding anniversary, but some good friends reminded me that my husband probably won't care what I'm wearing, and that he loves me for me. People say that all the time just to say it, but in my case, I'm lucky enough to know it's true. I'll enjoy the celebration, enjoy the dinner, and enjoy spending time with Billy. Come Monday, it's back to work.
Published On: October 17, 2011