2012 has had a slow start. It's been difficult to shake off the lazies of 2011. When the New Year begins, most people are filled with renewed energy and have high expectations for themselves. They go right to work at the gym and on whatever new diet they have chosen. That's been true in the past, but this year, not so much. I had a rough end to the year and stress is once again helping to dictate my level of commitment to my health. Things got even harder at the beginning of this week, and I have to admit I've been treating myself pretty poorly. Something has been different this time around, however. Normally when I get uber stressed, I tend to overeat and eat foods that are bad for me. It's that whole "comfort food" factor that I'm sure many of you are very familiar with. But here lately, I have had no appetite. I mean really, zero. And even when I do feel a little hungry, I don't want food. Food that normally appeals to me seems gross. I went to an Italian restaurant with a friend the other night for dinner. Italian is my second favorite food after Mexican, so I should have been salivating the moment I walked through the door, but nothing on the menu looked good to me. So I ordered a small salad while my friend ordered a massive Stromboli, filled with gooey cheese, veggies and pepperoni. I picked at my salad, not finishing it, and not even coveting her carby delightfulness. Wow, this is not right.
One "positive" side effect from all of this is that I am losing weight. People have been commenting about it, but instead of saying, "Wow, Aubree, you look so good!" most are my friends who know what I've been experiencing instead they say, "Damn, Aubree, you lost weight. Are you eating enough?" Sigh. They know me so well. I am smart enough to understand that this is not a positive way to meet my goals. It is, however, an unfortunate fact right now. I'm down about seven pounds, but I am so not proud of it.
Not sure if any of my readers remember, but last year I committed to "Sober January", which is something that I've done every January for the past three years. It gives me an opportunity to cleanse my system of toxins, and let's face it, when you drink less alcohol; you typically eat better foods as well. This year, I made it about four days. I haven't overindulged by any means, but just had a glass of wine or a beer here and there. It's not a catastrophe, but I'm disappointed. Making things harder is my very well-meaning brother and sister-in-law, who showed up unexpectedly to lend their support. They are both really into good wine and interesting beers, so they arrived with-literally-boxes and bags full of the stuff. I can't be rude, right? They are only here for a few days, so I'm sure I will be sending them back to Ohio with plenty of stash, but it definitely makes things harder. On the bright side, having them here makes me really happy. And there is no saying no to my sister-in-law when she is pushing a quarter of her sandwich towards you with the sweetest, most loving look you've ever seen. So I have been eating a little more since their arrival.
I know things will eventually work themselves out. I know that. It's the road getting there that's so difficult. My inner goddess tells me that in the meantime, I need to be good to myself. She's trying so hard to come out and life just stands in the way sometimes. My family leaves soon and I will be on my own to sort through my feelings the issues I'm facing. I hope I am strong enough to at least nourish my body, even if my heart and my soul are slightly deficient for a little while longer.
Published On: January 09, 2012