New Year's Resolution Blogger: Maintaining My Diet Through A Temporarily Wonky Existence
I've got a confession. My mother is getting older. Heck we're all getting older but now it's finally hit home that she's a little more forgetful than a person her age should be. Now I realize the moment we all have been dreading is here. I am really just getting my life re-started (I haven't yet had the chance to be a wife and mom) and now I am dealing with an aging parent who let's just say is not at all happy about the personal questions I have to ask her. Questions like "Hey mom, did you remember to eat lunch?" My mother, a former business owner has always been fiercely independent, and if she had her druthers she'd still be that way. I could ask why has this happened to us but that would be purely rhetorical because the answer is just because it does. Life just happens. Suffice it to say this time, I cannot turn to my carb bingeing ways, though occasionally I have weak periods.
Still, I cannot run to McDonalds to fill up on Chicken McNuggets, fries and a shake. I have to be a grown up. It sucks. Really be a grown up. I have to make adult choices including eating to keep me on track health-wise.
Let me tell you how scary this is: Mom and I haven't always seen eye to eye (ever.) So when we'd have a disagreement, I'd grab a cupcake or even a crab-cake (yum!) The result? 5 pounds here, 10 pounds there. Heck, I could attribute all of my weight to family issues but I know its up to me to control my feelings and my reaction to whatever (no matter how ridiculous) is thrown my way. If I were a big drinker I'd be on some cable re-hab show with Dr. Drew Pinksey titled "Does your family drive you to drink wine?" In my case however it's "Do your mother and grandmother make you eat cupcakes?"
You see, I'm an only child and my father passed away long ago and no one really hands you a roadmap about what you're supposed to do when things go wonky. And believe me they're pretty wonky right about now. I could stomp and scream "This isn't what's supposed to be happening!" Confession: I've done that more times than you care to hear about.
I take strange comfort in knowing I'm not the only one with interesting relatives. Recently, celebrity gossip maven Kitty Kelly penned an unauthorized biography about Oprah Winfrey. I watched a couple of Today show interviews last week featuring Kitty Kelly and her Cheshire cat-like smile boasting about all of Winfrey's relatives who spilled the dirt about her past.
I thought, I know exactly what that feels like only I'm grateful that I'm not Ms. Winfrey. Then I had another revalation, though I'm sure (Ms. Winfrey) is irked by the book's revelations the reality is... she has about 2 billion reasons ($$$) to care less about her relatives biting comments, or acrimonious rants. And let's face it she's loved by millions so who cares about a few angry na'er do wells. With relatives like Oprah's it's no wonder why she might take comfort in a Key Lime cake (really yummy by the way.)
Part of me wants to say "Those ingrates! How dare they divulge any information about Oprah to anyone let alone a complete stranger," and the other side of me feels completely sorry for the people because they (those family members who gave the interviews to Kelley) are so obviously enamored by her (Oprah's)success the only power they believe they possess is to unsuccessfully chip away at her greatness.
As I get older, I tire of "mean girls," mean people in general. My personal support system (comfort) for years has been food but I will no longer harm myself. I am fighting back with exercise, healthy food and a pinch of snark. Time (getting older) has apparently made me just a little bit snarky. A little snark is ok, not obnoxious, and even somewhat liberating. Try it sometimes.
While, I'm not sure this is a great attribute it helps me combat the toxicity that I sometimes endure from those sharing my same DNA. I figure if I rebut a funky comment then the person who lobbed the scud will get the hint and retreat. Sometimes this doesn't work and I'll go for a walk or like today grab a strawberry.
I sometimes have a conflicted relationship with my own family. And by family I mean extended people who still believe they have the right to say any and everything they want to but expect you to obey them.
What I won't do is give up my power any more. Fitness and health is power. Though I sometimes falter (more often than I care to divulge,) I am strong, I'll get stronger, I will eat, but will eat better and I feel good but will ultimately feel great emotionally, physically and spiritually.