June 1 marked a very important anniversary which I completely overlooked. I began this weight loss journey on January 1 and now I am exactly half way through.
Honestly the first part went swimmingly. I lost weight, learned to eat better purchased a bunch of new things and was simply delighted when I began to fit into old clothing that I hadn't worn in ages.
Just after Easter I had family issues that needed attention which included a temporary return to the South. That's where my setback happened. Initially things went well, I maintained my own diet, did my crunches and even whipped out my Billy Blanks Tae Bo DVD to maintain the weight.
However, I would soon discover my family situation (and mother's health) wasn't something that would be fixed quickly with a band-aid. I became overwhelmed. I wasn't going to be able to leave in a week as I previously thought.
And as things became more trying and as I progressively became more involved in family dynamics old patterns returned and I turned to food. After all, there is no shortage of food and it surrounds me here at every turn. Homemade biscuits, fried chicken and fish, smothered steak, blueberry cobbler -- this and that all of it FAT! Ugh! I don't even like many of these items anymore. So why do I indulge. Well, its much easier to munch on a biscuit than tell someone what you think about their latest insult (in a family that doesn't appreciate candid observations.)
Now, I am enthusiastic because I've had an epiphany -- I've got the power. In fact, I've always had it but in order to maintain the status quo, I've often given up my power. Power to do what is right, dominion over myself and what is acceptable and what is not. I'm talking about boundaries. I have always had a problem with setting acceptable boundaries. This is why people frequently overstep -- its because I let them. No more grashopper!
I think part of my conditioning was to be the nice girl, the one who got along with everyone and swallowed other folks rudeness because they were older and felt entitled. And when I mean I swallowed -- I did indeed. I grabbed the chips, soda whatever pacified my sadness and cushioned the blows.
But I've decided, there's a new sheriff in town. And she won't poision herself with unhealthy life choices because of pain needlessly inflicted by someone else. I will address it, make sure the person or individual who commited the infarction is aware of where they crossed the line so it never happens again.
Best of all, I will return to the city I love and wrote 4 books about -- Washington, DC. No place is perfect, however I find that I thrive in a city where diversity is not only appreciated but celebrated. A city where art, food, books, music and national parks are available for the taking. Want vegan cupcakes? D.C.'s got it. Need an organic grocery store? Even if I indulge my craving for a famous chili dog at Ben's Chili Bowl -- perhaps one of my favorite places -- I can.
Sometimes we complain and are cranky about what we have. Now that I am away from practically everything I love (and couldn't get goat cheese even if I wanted it) I have learned to appreciate and be grateful of the life I carved out for myself. And as for the hot body I created and lost over a period of six months -- I've committed to refocus and make it even better than before.
Still, while here -- I can only be as stifled and shutdown as I allow myself to be... and as of this week -- I raise my glass of iced green tea say no more! Chin Chin.
Published On: June 21, 2010