Does What We Say About Others Reveal Our Insecurities?

Posting Date: 03/29/1999

E-mail question: This report upholds an opinion I've always held that people dislike in others what they dislike about themselves. In other words, those who gossip about or criticize another person should be viewed with skepticism or caution.

It holds true in the long run that they will reveal themselves to have the same traits.

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Dr. Dean: I'm not sure what report they are referring to, but this is called trait transference. We did a study a few months ago here on the air about this very thing - that if someone is criticizing someone else, you automatically see the person doing the criticizing as having those traits.

For instance, if a person says, "See that picture? - that guy there kicks his dog," you judge the person saying it to not be so kind to animals. It's weird. Politicians and those who guide them are supposed to be very sensitive to these things.

Another example - I was taught in medical school that when a patient comes to you, you do not put down their previous doctor, even if you really think it.

Or, what if a carpenter looks at some work you had done at your house and starts to trash the previous guy - don't you sort of judge that person as being less good?

Or, looking at it the other way - I went to a dentist and opened my mouth and the dentist says, "Hey, who was your previous dentist?" and I say "Oh, Doctor so and so in the City." And he says, "Oh, he did some nice work in here. This is nice work."

Well, my new dentist just went up in my esteem. I think to myself - what a good guy. He doesn't have to spend time criticizing others to build himself up.

Because when we spend time criticizing others, we are revealing our own insecurities.

We are not trained to do this; we think it's something physiological that has to do with our brain.