Adolescent development

It is normal for the parent to find the adolescent attractive, particularly as the teen often looks very similar to appearance of the other (same-sex) parent at an earlier age. This attraction may cause the parent to feel awkward, but care should be taken by the parent not to create disconnection, which may potentially make the adolescent feel responsible. It is inappropriate for a parent's attraction to a child to be anything more than an attraction as a parent. Attraction that crosses the parent-child boundaries may lead to inappropriately intimate behavior with the adolescent, which is known as incest.

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The teenager's quest for independence is normal development and need not be looked upon by the parent as rejection or a loss of control. To be of most benefit to the growing adolescent, a parent needs to be a constant and consistent figure, available as a sounding board for the youth's ideas without dominating or overtaking the emerging, independent identity of the young person.

Despite adolescents constantly challenging authority figures, they need or want limit-setting, as it provides a safe boundary in which to grow and function. Limit-setting refers to predetermined and negotiated rules and regulations regarding behavior.

In contrast, power struggles arise when authority is at stake or "being right" becomes the primary issue. These situations should be avoided, if possible. Ultimately, one of the parties (typically the teen) is overpowered, causing the youth to lose face, and activating feelings of embarrassment, inadequacy, resentment, and bitterness.

Parents should be prepared for and recognize that there are common conflicts that may develop while parenting adolescents. The experience may be influenced by unresolved issues from a parent's own childhood, as well as unresolved issues from the adolescent's earlier years.

Parents can anticipate their authority to be repeatedly challenged, as children enter and move through their adolescent years. Maintaining open lines of communication and clear, yet negotiable, limits or boundaries may prove useful in minimizing major conflicts.

Most parents report a sense of increased wisdom and self-growth as they rise to the challenges of parenting adolescents.